The Spare Girl [M/F/F]

Chapter 40

I pressed my balled fists to my thigh. The pain did nothing to stop the tightness in my lower stomach. I pulled my hand out from hers. 

“You don’t have to say it like that,” I muttered.

She gave a little laugh. It felt like she was making fun of me and it made me hate her more than I already did. Though it had started out with me not knowing how to think about her, I was starting to think that I hated that she was with Nate. And even if I didn’t want to be that girl that came in and stole someone’s husband because I thought he could do better and his wife was trash, it was hard for me to not think it. My gut twisted at the f****d up thought. There was something seriously wrong with me. How could I think about a person like that? How could I want to ruin their life just because I didn’t like their personality?

At the same time, I couldn’t imagine her being anyone else. She acted like this because she had Nate wrapped around her finger. She had everything that I could imagine everyone wanted. It had to be jealousy talking high and mighty. 

That didn’t make me feel much better. 

“Julie.”

I was brought back down again. I was crashing down into the middle of their relationship. The words on the page were starting to blend together. My hand moved on their own as I starting checking what I was willing to do. Gags, restraints, and orgasm denial didn’t sound all that bad when I thought about my current situation. Without enough money in the bank, I would end up back at my parents house. I couldn’t go back there. Not when Mom was hovering all the time and my step-dad was looking for ways to kick me out on the street.

It felt like I was being suffocated when I was there. Even when they visited for a couple of hours, it felt like I was back to being trapped in my tiny bedroom with no way to stand up for myself.

Now, it felt like Amelia was just a stand in. But at least I would be getting something from this. Nate was a bonus. Actually, he was the main focus of this all. And I was curious. It was also an escape from the looming trouble that was Melanie and her feelings. Those were confusing and not something I wanted to deal with right now when I had to deal with money and my parents.

This was a distraction and a way to dig myself out of my hole. I could handle Amelia and everything she threw at me.

And I could finally get rid of this pesky thing hanging over my head: my virginity.

I met Nate’s eyes. He stood from his chair and crouched in front of me. He grabbed my hand holding the pen. 

“Are you positive about this?”

My eyes flickered over his stoic face. He was so poised for doing something like this. They must have done it often. They were experienced. They knew the ropes and I was like a kitten they were taking under their wing. I was so innocent that I felt like I should be scared about stepping into a cage with lions. 

I didn’t realize my hands were shaking until he placed his over mine. 

“Yes,” I whispered with so much assurance that it surprised myself. I’d never been so sure about something in my entire life. Not when I was moving out with Melanie, not when I stepped into the college halls, and not when I decided to get my first job. My whole life had been choices I had to make myself. This felt like a choice that was already set out in front of me.

In some ways, it had been. Transferring this power to someone else was so freeing that I don’t think I would ever want to go back to holding all the power. And as I signed my name, breaking eye contact with Nate to set the pen to paper, I was even more confident. Amelia to be damned. I knew what I wanted and what I wanted was to have a taste of Nate’s power for myself.

She had him for the rest of her life. I could have him for this short moment sharing his bed with her.

Since I met him in that night club, I knew that this was where my life was heading. I didn’t want to call it fate, nothing cheesy like that, but there really was no way to explain it. The things that happened after, Melanie and the run in with Amelia, were side affects of the true problem. I couldn’t have Nate. No matter what happened here and in the future when I became theirs, I would never be with him.

That sinking realization should have hit me the moment I found out he had a wife, but the sickening thing about me was that I hadn’t cared in that moment. Amelia was no one compared to the daunting fact that I might miss out on the one.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. 

When I looked up from the paper, my breath caught in my throat. Amelia was staring me down. It wasn’t her usual glare, the one she pulled when she thought Nate wasn’t looking, or the smirk she wore when he did.

It was something more, something I’d only seen in that split second when she told me to c*m for her. The high of the moment had taken over every inch of my thought and it wasn’t until now that I remembered what she’d looked like. And her intense stare unnerved me in the way that sensual hands would when they were running over my body. I could feel them all over me, around my breasts, down my thighs, and trailing up my neck.

She was eye-f*****g me. It was the most thrilling and confusing thing ever.