The Spare Girl [M/F/F]

Chapter 26

My head hurts as I exit my car and walked up to the store entrance. Last night, when Melanie climbed into my bed, it felt as if a switch had been turned inside of me. There was disgust and confusion, but also a raging urge to find her and finish what she started. Those kinds of feelings made my stomach church for I didn’t understand what they meant. Me and Melanie had been friends for a long time. It was never a question if we would drift apart. It had always been my intention to stay in touch with her, even if our lives went in different directions.

She wanted something that I wasn’t sure I could give her.

These past two weeks have been hard with Melanie wanting more from me and Nate and Amelia coming into my life. I was being tugged in two very different directions and I was afraid that if I didn’t make a decision soon I would be ripped apart. 

I picked up a small basket from the front of the store and went around, picking up items we were getting low on in the apartment. This would have been the one time we would have spent together. Me and Mel. Though we saw each other after school and work, this was the time we spent together. Without her, I felt so much more alone in this big world. 

She’d always been the outgoing one. She could make friends with the snap of her finger and I had to scramble to keep up with her. College had been a gift in some ways. I could pretend that I had work or a paper to write. There was always an excuse I could find when she wanted to going out to a party or if she wanted to hang with people I didn’t know.

It had been a characteristic of me that I didn’t get along with new people. Shy is what most would call me, but it was bigger than that. 

I was a recluse. I was happy being alone, most of the time, and would probably die alone.

But Mel had been there for me when things got dark. This was the one time that I needed her. She was gone now. And I didn’t know what to do to get her back.

My basket was full. I hadn’t realized that I’d collected everything since I’d been up in the clouds thinking. I went to the checkout line.

Things were a blur as I thought about Nate and Amelia. The night at the club felt like dream. Their request and what they were offering. It all seemed like a plot from a movie or a book. I’d never heard of such a thing, but after looking into the b**m community, it wasn’t too outrageous compared to the other stuff they did.

My ears burned as I thought about the video and the photos are saw last night durring my research. I was flustered as my things were rang up and the cashier asked for my card.

There was a beep.

The guy looked up at me. “It was declined.”

I blinked. My heart raced.

“Maybe try again?”

He tried it again. Another beep.

This wasn’t good.

I looked down at the food on the conveyer belt. This couldn’t be happening. Not today.

“Sorry,” he said, handing my card back.

I took it with a shaking hand. My blush had raced to mee cheeks and down my neck. I felt like I might get set on fire with how much it burned. I took a shuddering deep breath.

Before anything else could be said, I ducked my head and walked out of the store.

I felt their eyes on me as I walked to the exit. The whole time, it felt as if they might snicker. I promised that I wouldn’t cry until I was in the car.

And it worked. 

I made it safely to my car without making a scene. But once I was behind the wheel, I couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that burst out from me. My shoulders shook and my chest heaved as I let all the tears I’d been holding back for the two weeks rise to the surface. My sobs were quiet. I was still in public and I really didn’t want a stranger to knock on my window and ask me what was wrong.

I wanted to suffer alone for the moment. These tears would dry on their own and once it was over I could move on. 

It was embarrassing. So embarrassing that I wanted to throw my card into a shredder.

The credit card company took the money or the automatic bill collector came and took the rest of my savings. I didn’t know what had happened, but it had ruined my day.

Money was always a problem. Always was and always will be.

The shaking stopped. I wiped my eyes and clutched the steering wheel.

My phone rang. The shrieking filled the car and I ignored it until I couldn’t anymore.

I took a second to clear my throat and then answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Jules? Are you okay? You sound sick.”

It was Mom. Great.

I wiped my nose with my sleeve. “I’m fine. What are you calling about?”

“Didn’t want you to forget about us coming down to visit. In two weeks, remember?”

There was a second where I had to wrack my brain. My memory was shoddy and after the day I had, it was hard for me to think straight. This was even worse now. My parents? Coming to visit?

I placed my hand over my chest. The ache was getting harder to deal with. I couldn’t be on the phone with her too long or I think I might have a heart attack.

“That’s…great.” It must have been obvious how unenthused I was about them coming over. But it wasn’t just that though. It wasn’t them that I was upset about. The money thing and the look on their faces they get when I’m in trouble.

They weren’t far off themselves. The last thing I wanted to do was burden them with my own problems. 

I looked up at the store. This was just another push toward the ledge.

Nate and Amelia’s offer popped in my head.

My hand tightened on my phone.

“Honey? You still there?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.” I looked at at my lap. “W-When are coming down?”

“Next week.” A pause. “Are you sure you’re okay? You sound out of it.”

So she could hear it. I thought I would have been able to hide it.

“Everything’s fine. School work, you know.”

My jobs on top of that. They didn’t need to know that though. They might make me come back if they found that out.

They were overbearing when they wanted to protect me. As their only child, I think it came with the territory. Just another thing for me to deal with.

I really just didn’t know what to do at this point. A part of me—a very small part I might add—wanted to take Nate and Amelia’s offer. The money would solve most if not all of my problems. 

That being said though…

I thought about Melanie. She had to be considered a problem too. 

I bit my lip as Mom talked about their plans. Try as I might to listen, I was drifting back to Nate and how it would be to spend a true night with him. Without Melanie, without Amelia. It almost disgusted me to think that I wanted him that bad that I would go to all this trouble.

And I couldn’t stop the feelings that came up when Amelia was around. She wasn’t an enemy though she felt like an obstacle. 

I sighed, concealing it from Mom on the other line. She didn’t need to know how distress I was. These were private feelings that I needed to sort out for myself. Even if I felt at times that they were tearing me apart. 

The other part of me—that wasn’t too bothered by Amelia or Melanie’s advances—was creeping in. It was building up, pushing aside my feelings for Nate so that it could get its turn to shine. That part was stronger then I would have ever imagined. 

College was about growing up. A lot of people used it as an excuse to experiment, but that wasn’t me. Melanie partied though when she was done she came back to the apartment and went back to living in the real world.

That’s what I thought at least. I was starting to wonder if Melanie had lost a piece of herself out there among the partying crowd and that was the reason for her change of personality.

“Okay, honey?”

Her endearment was getting to be too much. 

“Yeah.”

She hung up after telling me that she loves me. I said it back with less enthusiasm. Sometimes it was too hard to pretend. Sooner or later I would break.

Hopefully, it was after they visited. Then, I could start thinking about what I was going to do about my falling apart life.