Broken Luna

Strangers

~~JUDAS POV~~

Honestly the strange turn that my life had suddenly taken was absolutely nothing short of jarring. Everything felt so surreal and foreign. It was odd perhaps what was normal to me. The kind of life I’d been made to survive.

Werewolves though? Vampires? Demons? The world was crazier with a whole candy shop of ‘flavors’ of monster. Here I’d lived thinking I only had regular ol’ human beings to watch out for. Humans had been bad enough as it was.

Karma was nothing short of a saint to me. I felt it in my gut - the core of me - that I could trust her. She was warm, patient, and she’d not complained once at spending time with me as I recovered. I could tell that Anya also liked her, as well as her wolf - Willow - that I got to meet the other day. Honestly - most of the people had been nice. Even if both Anya and myself felt on edge around so many wolves.

There was only one person that we’d both struggled to come to the same conclusion of. And it was the Alpha of their pack. Jem. While Zyanya knew why we pulled away from the other male wolves, I could feel her struggle at me pulling away from him. Karma had explained to me the mate bond further. Made it sound magical - beautiful.

But that didn’t really change the fact the idea of it terrified me. But perhaps I wasn’t being honest with Karma about why… You simply aren’t. Anya seemed to be keen to highlight the fact.

So. Okay. I wasn’t being completely honest.

Because it did sound beautiful, lovely. The idea of having someone made for me, my other half, a twin soul that would love and cherish me. Yet… How could anyone really love and cherish me? How could I be anything but a burden? A curse? I was damaged goods. No one should have to be saddled with me…

You shouldn’t deny yourself a chance at the happiness we deserve because lesser men chose to themselves be monsters… I winced. Knowing as I thought of myself, my wolf saw it as me also thinking of her. She refused to accept when I told her it was different. That it wasn’t the same with her.

Sorry JJ. You and I are one and the same. I refuse to accept how you see ourself. You’re strong. And you’ll learn to see it in time. I know it. It made my smile, and shake my head with a sigh.

“Does your wolf prattle on endlessly as well?” The voice caused me to jump. I was met by a guilty expression on the guys face. It was Bran - the Alpha’s younger brother. Our mates brother… Anya seemed keen to keep correcting my thoughts on that. I’d not spoken much to him - or Jem honestly. Bran gave a warm smile, leaning against the kitchen counter - “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you…”

I’d avoided the males and clung mostly to Karma. She made me feel like I wouldn’t wake up perhaps and find it a dream. Because despite the nightmare parts of everything - I’d not wanted to lose this strange sense of having people around me that seemed to care. They do little one. It’s scary but give them a chance… “You don’t need to apologize…”

Bran shrugged, his grin warm as was the look in his eyes, “usually people what me from a mile away. My brother says I am a cow bell, never in need of one. But if it will help, as well as cause grief to my brother, I would be honored to prance about the house in one so that you may know where I am at all times.”

While giggling wasn’t exactly the sort of sound I made often, I was unable to prevent myself from doing so at Bran’s words. I’d found he could say some ridiculous things. He was a ‘clown’ as Karma had laughed. At least now it didn’t hurt to laugh. In fact it felt as if I’d never been wounded at all, “I’m not sure that will be necessary….”

It was the genuine happiness it seemed to give him at me laughing. Looking to the ground before he cleared his throat, “I was just going to make some PB n’ J sandwiches. You want one? Ten?”

My eyes got huge at the suggestion of ten, “Oh my god… no… I could never eat ten! And…” my stomach betrayed me with a growl… “I uh. Might be hungry though. I can just make something for myself…”

Bran laughed at the gurgling of my stomach, waving his hand dismissively, “please. I am going to make an embarrassing pile as it is. So you can help me feel less guilty about it and assist in eating them. Unless you don’t like peanut butter and raspberry jam. In that case, luna, I will lament for your taste buds.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised at the fact he’d made me laugh again. My cheeks flushed at the triumphant grin that further spread over his face. “I do. Raspberries are by far the superior berry…”

A serious expression took over his face. He nodded with sincerity. “My lady. You are full of wisdom. I knew it all along…” he moved and started pulling out ingredients from there areas. “I would simply feel unsafe if my pack Luna did not acknowledge that Raspberries are superior to strawberries.”

The man was mad. Shaking my head I felt the inability to hold back a grin at him. “Strawberries are good… Just. Not as good…”

“Ah yes. True. True. very true. But can you please tell Jem this. He and I have long battled over the superiority of our favored berries. I am absolutely honored and blessed that his mate would side with me…” I wasn’t sure why it made me blush. The mention of my mate. But it did.

“What is my Luna siding with my i***t brother over?” I jumped again, hand grasping over my heart. Embarrassed by the squeak that left me at once more being startled by someone I hadn’t heard approach. If I had reddened cheeks before - well. f**k. I sensed him - Anya mused. Could have warned me! She just seemed to laugh in my mind at that.

Jem was now the one that looked sorry for having startled me. Though this time I also felt a bit guilty as I swear I could feel the sadness in his stormy eyes. As I was sure Anya would love to remind me - that was likely the mate bond. I was connected to the man. His destined ‘mate’. He’d not been cruel. Though he’d scared me in the hospital room. He hadn’t actually harmed me. And I had to admit - he was ever kind and patient despite my clearly avoiding everyone - including him. Well. Aside from Karma.

We can start changing that… Anya yipped happily in my mind. I could feel her excitement at his being in the same room again as him. He looked ready to say something. I just had a feeling it would be an apology, “please… don’t apologize…” my voice sounded sheepish.

Bran didn’t miss a beat, “Little Jude here was agreeing with me on the superiority of Raspberries over all other berries. Including your precious strawberries.”

My cheeks coloured further if that was f*****g possible. “Well.. they are…” I looked at my feet, my voice more a murmur then a proclamation. Though yes I did believe in Raspberries being better. It all seemed such a silly conversation, so light and dare I say fun. So far from what I was used to. Just over a week ago I’d - well. I didn’t want to think of that.

“Clearly you’ve not had proper strawberries in that case,” Jem’s voice was intoxicating. It was a treat for my ears. I shivered at it.

Bran snorted as he continued making the sandwiches, “don’t listen to that lying heathen mouth of his.”

I wasn’t used to my face hurting from trying not to smile. It was - nice… Different. “Raspberries are my favorite. That’s not changing,” there was more cheekiness in that. I realized it felt more like a confidence coming from my wolf.

“PREACH SIS!” I squealed again in surprise at Bran’s boisterous voice before losing to a fit of laughter… “Sorry… I did mention I was kinda loud, right?”

“You did mention something,” I agreed, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of my eye.

I hardly noticed I was having a normal interaction. The thought made me pause. An ache in my chest at how I wished this was normal for me. That my life had the ease of laughter and teasing that these people had.

A plate was lifted in front of me. A couple PB and J sandwiches generously spread with creamy peanut butter and raspberry jam on it. “Thanks,” I reached for one.

“Ah ah ah. The plates yours. I’m making more for me!” My eyes once more got wide looking at the four sandwiches… How much did the man think I was going to eat?! “You are a twig. A wolf needs a lot of food. I have faith - yee be small. But I bet given half the chance, you might be able to devour more than Jem”

I still looked skeptical at the food on the plate. That was way more than I was used to. I had grown up with maybe a meal a day. Sometimes less. I was conditioned to survive on the minimum. Yet my stomach growled like the betraying Judas it was (yeah I went there).

Once more pink cheeked as I looked to both the men. Jem had a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “I’ll eat one…” I mumbled taking the plate. I took one bite and froze. Eyes closing as a moan left my lips, “oh my gaaaaaawd … That jam is so goooooooooood.”

I was used to cheap jam, and the peanut butter hadn’t been generic either. The explosion of flavor was divine. I hardly cared in that moment that I probably looked silly. The fact I was left trying to get peanut butter off my bottom lip between a few more bites.

And admittedly there was a few more moans.

I was happy existing in a world - a moment - of the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The perfect punch of tart raspberry flavoring… Well. Until I opened my eyes and instantly caught the heated look I was getting from Jem. Causing me to stop munching mid bite.

The large, intimidating Alpha was there with a dumb look on his face, jaw hanging slightly open and such a heat in those dreamy eyes. Yeah. I think I will just forever be the colour of hot tamales. I swallowed hard…

A rackous fit of laughter burst forth from Bran. It was hearty, and he’d doubled over in a fit of laughter that had him holding his sides. “I- what?!” I snapped a little to high pitched as I reflected exactly the sounds I might have been making. Oh god.

“Oh my GOD. BEST. DAY. EVER!” Bran slapped his knees as he howled like a mad man. “I - you got my brother excited over a PBJ sandwich…. Like… Excited.”

Well if the earth could have kindly opened up and swallowed me whole right then, I would have appreciated it.

Apparently Jem must have had similar thoughts as even with all that facial hair to toughen him - his cheeks had a pinkish blush to them as he cleared his throat and levelled a look at Bran. Trying to not die of embarrassment while I chewed on my latest mouthful when my lips made an o - fully seeming to take stock of what Bran had said.

Don’t look. Don’t look - that was what I told myself.

Look… Oh come on, JJ. Look. You know you want to… my wolf pleads

No I don’t - I say as my eyes drift down. Making me choke slightly on my sandwich. Funny. As if I’m actually some blushing virgin. But that’s what I was doing. If possible. Blushing harder as I looked away.

I try to take another bite to distract myself, sighing as I stifle another happy noise at the snack. Thinking that maaaaybe I would eat two instead of just one.

“Look at me, making your mate moan before you,” Bran jumped out of the reach of Jem who growled possessively, causing me to once more startle. Only to start choking on my bite of food. Smooth as f**k.

“LATERRRRRRSSS” Bran hollered as he ran to freedom avoiding his brothers wrath.

Jem was there in a moment, patting my back as I coughed, muttering “I am going to kill him…”

“Not if I get my hands on him first,” I mutter. I find a glass of water being held up, reaching to take it thankfully. Though as my coughing stopped I felt a sense of disappointment as his hand left my back. I felt the longing for him to touch me. For how alive it made me feel.

I couldn’t ignore the proximity.I wanted to drag him into a kiss. To wrap my legs around him… God I felt f*****g mental. Because there was this part of me that wanted him so, so bad. And another that didn’t want anyone to touch me again. “I - uh. I’m sorry…”

Stealing a glance to see confusion on his face, “apologize? For what?”

I blushed looking away, his chuckle sounded as good to me as my little treat tasted. “For - you know. I uh. It was just really tasty…”

His hand lifted, gently he lifted my chin to look at him, “that’s a me problem. Don’t feel bad for how my body reacts…” I got lost in his eyes, I think I forgot how to breathe for a moment as his eyes drifted to look at my lips, a mix of sincerity as well as teasing entering his voice- ”I’d suffer worse to see you happy and laughing.”

Laughing nervously, still feeling the closeness. Conflicted with my brain and my heart. The laugh bubbled up again. Until I barely had a moment to realize I was now cry.

Fuck. Well. If he didn’t think I was crazy before, right?

Shut up JJ. You’re not crazy. We’ve just got a lot of wounds still healing. The kind people don’t physically see. We’ll get better. He’ll help us. You can feel it. We can trust hum…

“Hey now,” his voice was soft as he moved closer, hesitating it seemed. Maybe he was thinking of running finally. Realizing what a f*****g weirdo. Instead he moved, arms wrapping around me. I felt completely surrounded by him. The large muscled arms wrapped about me, cradling me.

Never could I be some pure, normal person - could I be normal even for a werewolf? If he knew everything I came from - would he leave me behind realizing how much better he could do? The whimpers turned to sobs. Jem just cradled me close. My meal was forgotten for the moment as he just held me. Making gentle noises of comfort.

“Do you want to talk about it?” his voice was low, patient. And hopeful. Hopeful I’d be able to do that. I hiccuped and took sharp shaky breaths between the whimpers and cries that had wracked my body.

I shook my head no. But against my own answer I sobbed, “I’m not w-worth this kindness…”

If possible it was as if he tried to hold me closer, nuzzling into the crook of my neck, “you are worth it and more.”

So sure. As if he could believe it. But part of me still felt it was a lie. Because how could anyone love me? “I d-don’t. Y-you don’t know what I’ve d-done. A-anyone d-deserves b-better...” I continued to sob and hiccup each word. A sound of panic in my tone.

He abandoned our hug - I thought to pull away. To have some sense returned to him. Instead each large hand settled on my face, gently making me look at him. “You are deserving. If any should not be, it would be me who is not. I don’t know much about you yet. But myself and the pack members who’ve met you so far can see you’re kind soul. So compassionate. So strong,” I scoff at it all - most of all strong …. “ yes strong. I hope one day I earn your trust, and you can share with me your burdens. And that I can ease them from your shoulders. I hope I prove myself worthy of you. Of the beautiful heart I see in you.”

What a damn cry baby I was. I couldn’t stop. Once more he drew me into the warmth of his hug. Holding me against him. Letting me find comfort in his arms, in the embrace of his scent, until I felt cried out. It felt good to be held…

My f*****g stomach growled loudly again.

Jem chuckled, reaching to the cast aside plate, “okay so you have to eat. Because I personally am afraid of whatever monster lives in your stomach…”

I gave a hiccuping laugh sob - or some weird noise like that. He chuckled again, kissing the tears from my cheeks, before lifting a sandwich.

I felt… Lighter. But still - I stuck my tongue out before taking the sandwich. Not caring how pathetic I might look in the moment as I lean into that safe warmth and nibble on the food. Feeling exhausted. But also… More at peace…

Maybe things would be different?

Maybe it was okay to hope for more...