His Pleasure My Pain

Chapter 3

“Sit at the back and be quiet. I must make arrangements for tonight”, my father said without glancing at me. For some reason, I was happy that talking was not a mandate. Conversing would mean showing interest and that I could not muster up. He was my dad, but that was just for a namesake, I was and am only going to be the girl who he believed killed his wife. My very existence was burdening for him and that is why he was so willing to remove me from his life. Well, I guess that was for the best.

I was going to be married tonight. A man? Really! Who was he? Does he know me? What would he be like? Would he love me, or would he also take me to the torture room? Wait, does he also have a torture room? Thinking about the very notion of being beaten by my husband is very unsettling, but who knows he may love me? Love, wow, what would it be like? Would I get kissed, hugged, and loved? However, I do not think I was allowed such a thought because the car stopped so abruptly that I was flown so far forward, causing me to hit my head on the passenger seat.

“Ouch!” I cried

“Watch yourself girl, I do not want the groom to think of you as a defective piece.” I looked up at my own father, who was not ashamed to treat me less than a person but more like a commodity for his own monetary gain. I did not want to show him any vulnerability so I decided to remain quiet because no words of mine would cause this cold-hearted man to feel emotions, especially towards his own daughter.

“Get out girl! We did not have much time. I can not have you looking like a dirty rag when a man is paying fifty thousand dollars for you.” I did not know my eyes could open that wide. Did he say fifty thousand dollars?

“Excuse me, father. Did you say fifty thousand dollars?” I knew I should have been quiet, but my curious mind could not help it. I saw my father’s eyes bulge out like in the cartoons, as much as I was scared they would fall out.

“Aahhhh” I cried as my father slapped me. It was so hard that it made me lose my balance and fall to the ground. This time I could not hold my tears, so I refused to look up because I knew that would land me another slap. However, my father did not exactly like letting me go after one slap, so he grasped my hair in his hand so tightly that I was sure that my hair would be pulled out at any minute. To make matters worse, he tightened his grip harder as he pulled me up; forcing me to look at him.

“How dare you speak to me? He yelled at me while tightening his grip even more.

“I can’t even look at you. I can’t believe you are your mother’s daughter. No beauty! No grace! Just an embarrassment to my family line”

“You are lucky that there is a man who specifically wanted you. I honestly do not see why a man would want to even lay their eyes on you more, marry you but after today you are not my problem. I really don’t care if you are alive or dead after you are married” I just felt my heart break. I could not hold my voice back anymore. I needed to know what I did that made my own father despise me so I gathered all my will and looked at his face and asked “Why do you hate me Mr. Joseph” I could see my father’s eyes widen in shock.

“Why did you start hating your princess” this time I shouted, shocking myself with the audacity I demonstrated. I knew I would get hurt but I just needed to know. The same man who tucked me in bed every night guaranteeing my safety was also the one who abandoned me, blamed me, and now claimed to be unaffected by my existence.

I was surprised as he turned around and walked towards the door. He said nothing to me; maybe I hit a sore spot or, as panic set in, he may have a much more sinister punishment waiting for me inside the house. Wait, pump the brakes. This is not my house! This is not where I grew up with my family, Where the h**l was I? I was so deep in my thoughts that I forgot to realize my father was already knocking on the door.

After three knocks, I saw a lady opening the door and immediately bowing her head.

“Come on girl. We do not have all day” my father spoke without turning his head around.

“Get this girl ready for tonight. If she hesitates, I want to be the first one to be called” he spoke to the lady who still had her head facing the floor.

“Hey Mom, Dad’s home” I saw a girl walking down the stairs. She looks almost as old as me. Is she, my sister? I have a sister, maybe I could talk to her. She may be nice to me. Wait, did my father get married again? Why did he not invite me? I am happy for him, truly but what would mother? Has he forgotten about her? If so, why has he not spoken to me yet? Why does he still blame me?

There are so many questions, that I may not ever get answers for. I think that is for the best because I am sure that I will never be ready for that conversation. What little feelings I have in my heart will be shattered, that I am absolutely certain of.

“Is this the girl, father?” the girl spoke looking in my direction. I, suddenly, felt cold from the way she was looking at me. It made me feel like she did not like me. That is crazy, she does not even know me?

“She is not even that pretty. I wonder why he would pick her over me”

“Enough Andrea. Go call your mother. We have so much to finish before sunset” I am sure she did not like my father’s response as she stomped her way upstairs yelling “mother” the entire time.

“Hurry Girl. I do not want to see you before you are ready for your marriage”

I kept my head down and followed the older lady to the downstairs room.

“Please do as you are told and I am so sorry miss” I finally looked up and, maybe you would call me crazy, but I saw a glimpse of mother in her.

“I am sorry, but may I ask a question?” I gathered all my courage and asked this question. I do not know why but I felt like she was feeling pity for me.

“Yes miss, go ahead. It is your special day today. You get to ask anything you like” She spoke with a smile.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked so desperately.

She froze as soon as I finished my question. Oh no! What if she tells my father? A sudden fear crept inside of me.

“Please. I am so sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Just do not tell father. I will do anything you ask” I spoke as tears flowed out of my eyes. I could not hold them in anymore. For a girl, who is getting married in a few hours, I had no happiness or even nervousness in me. The only thing that I was worried about was not getting hit on my wedding day.

You all must be thinking that not being hit was such an easy wish but, in my life, it was, actually, a struggle. It felt like I attracted abuse because anyone who saw me would slap, kick, or even punch me for no apparent reason. My cousin, who claimed to love me, also abused me because he could not father the fact that he had feelings for me. Crazy, I know, right?

“Oh no, please do not cry Daphne. I was your nanny” she spoke as I was embraced in a hug.

“You were my nanny”

“Yes, my child. I am so sorry that I could not protect you but, understand this, your mother and father loved you dearly. I know that he seems cold and distant, but he is only troubled. You are getting married; he may not show you love now but believe me he will in the future” Her words were so soothing that I almost wanted to believe her but why is she telling me this? Who is my husband?

“I know child you have questions and in time they will be answered but for now, happily accept your marriage; even if it would seem impossible in the beginning” her words were only confusing me even more. Why is she asking me to be patient? Does she know the guy I am getting married to?

“I am so confused. Are you trying to tell me something specific? Do you know the guy that will be my husband? Will, he also not love me?” I felt like I was bombarding her with questions, but I just needed to know.

“My child, I hope I could tell you more, but I am forbidden. However, I will tell you this; I may not know the guy who is, but he was hand-picked by your mother. Your mother picked him as your husband because she believed he was the guy that would protect and love you so all I am asking you is to believe in her decisions”

Before I could answer, I heard someone knocking impatiently.

“Daphne, are you ready? We do not have all day?” My father yelled from outside the room.

My nanny opened the door and confirmed that I was almost ready. She was saving me from getting hurt. I still had someone who loved me, even in fear, but she loved me. As soon as she closed the door, she hurried over to me and started to get me ready.

“Who forbid you?” I know I am delaying her, but I needed a few questions answered. However, it did not help that I was now just whispering. I was not actually forming words because, at this time, I was beyond confused on why anyone would stop her from telling me about my past. Decisions about me have already been made and, what, I was supposed to be a ball and just bounce on every command. This is making my head explode.

“I am so sorry child; I did not hear you properly” She spoke as she unpacked my wedding attire.

“May I know who forbid you from telling me the truth? Why would you tell me to have the patience to regain love?” I looked at her knowing she was fighting the urge to not look at me.

“It was your mother, Daphne. Believe me, I do not know why but I have come to know over several years of working under her; that she is always right. Love is very hard to attain, and you will have to face more challenges but he will be your husband so it will be your job to make him realize who you are and your worth to him.” I was stunned at her words. Fight for my love? More challenges? Did she believe I had the willpower to stand up for myself? I was so confused on what was happening and why my mother would pick someone when I was just a child.

“I know I have nothing to give you, but I did save this dress” I turned around and saw the most beautiful dress I have ever laid my eyes on. She bought this for me. I didn’t realize but I felt my arms, involuntarily, moving toward to give her a hug. She was the only person in my life I was trying to care for me, and it was genuine. I never thought I would ever feel that.

“This was your mother, Daphne. I may have altered it to fit you and so your father would not know but it is still her dress” she spoke while looking at me. I would be wearing mom’s dress. She must have looked beautiful in it but why give it to me? I would only stain it with my ugliness. I did not deserve this dress but maybe I needed to feel next to my mother and absorb her confidence to step towards my new life. I was so scared of what my future will entail. I am scared that I do not have much more strength to endure more pain and rejection.

If there is anyone out there listening to prayers, please listen to mine and give me a husband that will love me. Please do not prove mother wrong. My hopes depend on that.

Unknown POV:

“You know what you are doing is not right. You do not even know her so why are you condoning her to a life of misery.” Speaking to a guy who is staring outside the window.

“I may not know her or have even seen her, but she is ruining my life and the status I have struggled to maintain” he spoke in retaliation.

“She is innocent. The deal was made between your father and her mother. This has nothing to do with her. Please treat her well, she is losing her family because of this marriage” The first guy spoke again.

“You are forgetting something Andrew, that was not my decision. Her family is abandoning her for just a mere $50,000, not me. I am doing her a favour” the guy spoke with a smirk on his face.

“Enough talk, let us go and welcome my new bride. She has much more surprises to unravel today” The guy stood up, buttoning his black suit and walked towards the door with Andrew following him.

Andrew looked up and whispered “Surprises that is true. However, I am sure she will not like any of it”