“Today, I will be your ferryman into the Under. This service is presented free as a courtesy to you, our valued customer, and use of this service begins your five-day free trial period. If you do not cancel within that time, your account will be charged monthly at the rate of nineteen ninety-nine. Should you renege, we will come for you. Remember, potatoes have eyes everywhere and the Great Mantato Tuberfruit is no exception.” He brandishes his scythe, if it could be called brandishing. ‘Waves it around without caring if he hits somebody’ would be more accurate. “Do you agree to the terms and conditions?” he concludes.
“We’ve got these,” I say, and hand him three lifetime passes, signed by the Great Tuberfruit himself.
If looks could kill, the ferryman would be wanted for assault with a
