Too Late For Redemption: Rise Of The Lycan Queen

Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX: Absolutely f*****g useless b***h

Ariela's P.O.V

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"Do you know what you have f*****g done? You think you're a real rebel now." Audrey spat, each word was accompanied by a punch or a kick and all I could do was curl up and try to protect my vital organs. "This time I'm going to beat some sense into you, I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget you useless b***h! Absolutely f*****g useless b***h! I wonder why they are still keeping you, you should've been fed to the pigs!"

When the pain started becoming unbearable my best defense mechanism was activated, I just disassociate, my mind drifts away from my body and that is how I cope, by experiencing it like it is happening to someone else.

In these moments, I always run to the comforting memories of my mother. I see her face, her bright blue- ish green eyes, her radiant smile, the gentleness of her beautiful features, I always remember the reassurance her soothing voice always gave me. I remember the things she would always tell me, I remember how rich in wisdom her advice always was. Losing your only remaining parent no matter how grown you are is still one of the hardest things a being can go through. It doesn't get easier just because you're an adult.

I could see her eyes staring down at me and I could feel her voice pulling me in.

"You need to choose yourself, Ari, every single time, every single day. You have to want it, nothing will change as long as you don't want it enough."

That conversation is one of the last conversations I had with her. I could tell that she was going through a tough time but I choose to be helpless. I could tell that things were only going to get worse. At first Alpha Reagan was a model husband, he treated us so well but that didn't last for long at all. Somewhere along the way holes started appearing in his costume and his true nature was revealed. Alpha Reagan turned what was supposed to be a home into a prison, into a torture chamber.

Hayden never wants to hear any of it, but his father was seriously f****d up in the head and he would've blown up the whole Fallen Crest by now. A consuming madness had fully conquered him and turned him into something demonic. I stopped calling him "dad" the moment that darkness patched itself onto him.

Mom had always worried that his demonic possessiveness and twisted way of loving was a hereditary mental deviation and that his sons were just like him.

"I've never met Scott but every time I look at Hayden, I see him. That boy harbours the same darkness."

I know deep down that it is very likely that mom was right but still I'm obsessed with the idea of what he could be if he could finally give me a chance, if he could see me differently just once. I'm fixed on the ridiculous purpose of trying to be unhatable, of being worthy of being seen as anything but the object of his ire and disdain. Had he given me a chance, would I have ever earned his hatred? It's like I've always been trying to get approval, trying to let him see, "I'm not that bad, you know."

It's been four years now and I still keep torturing myself like this.

I sometimes fear that I'll never free myself from this infatuation and that is exactly why I'm so desperate to leave.

I must find a way to leave before the Mating Ball. I don't want to find my mate, I don't even think I have a mate, I just know I am one of those wolves cursed to walk alone forever and I'm fine with it, as long as I'm far, far away from Fallen Crest.

Eventually Audrey got bored of beating me up and left me to pick myself up and limp to my room. The pain I could manage, there was no other way, but the psychological torture is what I really feared.

I looked at the acceptance letters on my bed. This was my plan B. I had been accepted into the school's volunteer program and that meant a year away from this madhouse. I hid the letters in a locked safe. It was very important that no one finds it, especially not Hayden. Hayden had already ruined my plans before and declined my acceptance and threatened me to never try to leave again.

In the first instances I thought that is what he really wanted, I actually thought I was actually doing him a great favor by removing myself from his life until I realised that he never intended on letting me go. I don't really know what he wants from me or but I know a great part of him must wish to watch me suffer until I take my last breath even if it means suffering along with me. I always noticed how his face changes wherever he sees me. The only time he has never looked like he is conspiring my murder is when he is drunk but I haven't seen him even slightly tipsy in over a year.

I became so fascinated with his much different, far more agreeable drunk persona that I even dreamnt about him rushing to me and kissing me like he is actively dying and my lips are the only things keeping him alive. I still remember the sound of strained voice, that raspy undertone and the eyes he gave me as my name flowed from his parted full, pinkish lips, I still remember how his wet dark brown hair fell to his face, I still remember how his stubble felt on my finger tips as I caressed his perfect, well- sculpted jawline. The dream felt so real that I had a hard time believing it was not within the realms of reality. The next morning he viciously brought me back down to Earth and reminded me of my place.

I've stayed all this time seeking out that side of him only to be met with hurtful words and punishment.

I'll never make that mistake again.

Forty one days.

In just 41 days I'll get on plane and leave all this behind. Time away from Hayden was exactly what I needed to finally kill this infatuation and every bit of feelings I have for him.

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