Wealth (free and completed)

Chapter 15 - Illicit

Valerie

In my room, I savored the remnants of pleasure that still lingered. I had never had an orgasm with anyone before. Usually, I had to rely on myself for that. It was probably the excitement of possibly getting caught, doing it right in Janus’s car. No, that wasn’t entirely true. I had feelings for him. I knew it.

It also felt liberating to know that I could feel such sensations even in my condition. My neurosurgeon had noted a progressive improvement in me two years after my accident. Yes, it was that long ago. The first two years were crucial, and somehow I was one of the lucky ones. I knew early on that I wouldn’t end up a vegetable.

Dr. Dillon wanted to tell everyone in the family about it, but I chose to keep quiet. I asked him to be quiet for me. To make it happen, I had to tell him a secret that stayed between us, and well, Hannah. It was enough to keep him quiet even though my father continued to press him for updates. So, he had to report that I was stable but would remain in my wheelchair for the rest of my life. It could still be the truth. I sighed, flipping through a horror novel, but nothing was registering.

My mind kept drifting to the past.

I was only sixteen when my condition started to improve. I was no longer next to a vegetable, having to have my back lifted by someone so that I could get clean. Of course, the Sangster family would notice. I just didn’t want them to know that I was getting progressively stronger. I had Hannah with me when I told Dr. Dillon about my secret fear. She knew why I wanted everyone to think that I was still wholly helpless. So, she was the right person to confirm it for me to the doctor.

There were days when I felt guilty that I had not told Mr. Sangster about my progress. Yes, my mind had reverted to calling him that. Calling him dad had now given me an extra chill. What if it were true? What if he was my biological dad? Then, everything would go down to hell.

My last checkup with my physical therapist was a week ago. Dr. Dillon asked me if I was now ready to tell everyone else. I was older, he said. So, more likely, I had gotten over that fear that I had talked to him about a long time ago.

Dr. Dillon was already in his early sixties. He was a kindly man. Discreet. Understanding. I was lucky with my father figures.

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell them that you are much stronger? Improving?”

“Does it matter, Dr. Dillon? Nobody notices me, anyway.”

“But wasn’t that why you didn’t want your family to know? Someone has been taking notice of you a little bit too much? Surely, that has died down after eight years?”

“I guess.”

“We can have you scheduled for surgery, Valerie. You can have an electrical implant placed in your spine.”

“Isn’t that still experimental?”

“Yes. But it’s still better than letting you remain in that chair forever. You’re doing a great job in it, for sure, but I would love to do that for you before I retire. Help you walk. We can direct the brain’s impulses straight to your spine. That one can be done. One man has already benefited from this.”

“I’m not ready yet, but I’m considering it.”

The conversation had me pondering the possibility of having a talk with my siblings. What would each of them feel? Would Janus be happy? I knew of only one person who would be glad – Rafael. He knew how much I lived through his dance. I was his number one fan. Whenever he took the stage, I was transported elsewhere. I had become a dancer with him.

These thoughts were driving me mad.

After my feelings of passion had died down, my mind had to grasp the concerns that Janus raised that we were both quick to dismiss. What if he was right? What if Mr. Sangster was my real dad? After all, why would he adopt me? Would he really do that just because he was a fan of my mother’s?

Janus and I were both at fault here. We had let logic go in favor of our desires. We should have investigated further. Maybe, we should have taken a DNA test.

A chill ran through me, but the desire was also unbearable. I didn’t know what I would do if Janus turned out to be my sibling. I would die. I was never this dramatic, not even after the rape.

After the rape, I was simply a hollow husk. Empty. There had been no thoughts in my head, though I had been aware of how I hovered between sanity and madness. I stayed in my room for two whole days. Only Hannah checked on me. My siblings were too busy with college.

It was hard to see s*x as something pleasurable after that. Losing your virginity to an assault destroyed you several times over. It created a trauma that would linger for the rest of your life. It was supposed to destroy your sexuality.

And yet…

**

The weekend lunch was a little awkward, at least on my end. Joseph, Rafael, and Emilie could not possibly know what was up with us. We stole glances at each other, a secret borne between us. I wished we could announce it to everyone, but I knew how it would look to everyone else.

Emilie brought a date this time. He had black hair and grey eyes. I thought he would look like he belonged to the family, matching Joseph’s and Janus’s coloring. He also had that heavy-lidded seriousness that only got broken when he opened his mouth. His name was Chase.

“So, y’all. I’m just happy Emilie brought me here. Thanks, guys!”

“Are you Emilie’s boyfriend?’ asked Rafael, ignoring Emilie’s glare.

“Can’t say I am. We just met the other day at a casting call.”

“Actor? So, did you both have any luck?” Rafael prodded, while Joseph looked tight-lipped, as always. He focused on eating his lettuce excruciatingly slowly.

“Don’t know. They said we’ll just get a call. It’s always like that.”

“So, I know you’re not our sister’s boyfriend. Yet. But what’s your current permanent job?” Joseph finally broke the silence.

I tensed, gripping the fork that was about to stab at my salad. Joseph’s steely eyes were right on Chase, who had no idea what he was up against.

“Well, um, I’m still looking. I was hoping that this new role would take a lot of my time.”

“You live around here in Raven Ville?”

Oh, no. Joseph wanted to know how well-off Chase was. Raven Ville was an upscale neighborhood. Asking if you lived here was an indirect way of asking if you were wealthy. I exchanged glances with Janus. He looked confused. I wished that I could tell him everything.

“No. I live in Dunville.”

“That’s not far from where you used to live, right?” Joseph had diverted his attention to Janus.

“You’re right. I used to live right next to Dunville. In Perkins,” Janus stared back. I saw identical grey eyes staring each other down. I knew neither would admit the animosity between the two of them.

Then, Janus turned to Chase. Our visitor looked at a loss. He didn’t know how the questions raining his way had become some sort of standoff between the Sangster men.

“Maybe we had run into each other at some point, Chase. I used to work two jobs. I was also working when I was at college because I had no idea about all this,” Janus said, gesturing vaguely at his surroundings.

Chase looked relieved. He had let out the breath he was holding. I could see the way his chest moved. I felt sorry for him. Yes, he might be the poor one in the pair, but he didn’t know what he was getting into. Not with Emilie. Not with Joseph. Not with this family.

“Yeah, we might have had run into each other,” he said.

Rafael seemed to be in a sour mood that day. He quickly ate his food and excused himself. I knew that everything would go downhill when the most cheerful person would not even try to stick around.

“Well, what’s up with him?” Emilie asked, widening her eyes dramatically. “I thought that he would at least be glad that I brought a date this time around.”

“I hope we will still see Chase next time, Emilie,” Joseph said gravely.

“Oh. Then, we hope we will see Lara again,” she bit out.

“You will. She’s just busy at the gym. Renovations. I’ll be there by her place tonight.”

“Ah. So, your girlfriend is uncomfortable with us here at the mansion?” Emilie jeered.

“I don’t think we are nice to our guests at all. We always end up embarrassing ourselves or each other,” I remarked. I had had enough.

“So, where is your man? Where’s Andrew?” Emilie asked. Sickly sweet.

“He’s not my man. We’re only getting to know each other.”

I could feel Janus’s gaze on me, but I could not risk glancing at him. We couldn’t risk being found out. Not at this point. Not when there were a lot of things that were still uncertain.

Soon, Emilie focused on her date, Chase, who was glad to be out of the hot seat. Joseph soon left the dining table and got ready to leave for the rest of the weekend. After lunch, Emilie and Chase headed upstairs. Okay. It looked like someone was staying the rest of the day or even the night.

I was left with Janus, who gave me a gentle smile. He reached out for my hand and squeezed it.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. I am. I’m more than okay,” I tried to smile back.

There was a brief silence,

“Janus, do you think a DNA test could get rid of our uncertainties?”

“I’m not sure. I think for siblings' tests, we need both of our mothers’ DNA.”

He seemed to have looked it up. He seemed as bothered as I was. Yet, at that moment, he seemed like he couldn’t get his eyes off me, and his hand was still on mine. The sound of someone clearing her throat interrupted us. It was Hannah. She was not even supposed to be there as the head housekeeper. She looked at me sternly, and I knew what she meant. I pulled my hand from Janus’s own.

“I have to rest, Janus.”

“Should I come to you?” he whispered.

“No. Maybe another time,” I replied as I wheeled myself away.

In the corridor, the sound of wild s*x could be heard. Somehow, I knew what to expect from Emilie and her boyfriends. It was no longer new, and I didn’t feel affected by it. At least, that was what I told myself all the time.

“Yes, Chase. Like that,” she moaned.

Well, Emilie certainly had a loud voice. I went to my room, hoping to escape, but the past kept on running after me.

***

1997

When I turned sixteen, I could get around even better. I could wheel myself faster. Rafael cheered me on.

“Soon, you’ll be able to walk, Val!”

“I hope so!”

There was so much hope and optimism that summer. It all changed because of one little incident. Confident and happy about my new ease of movement, I wheeled deeper into the other wing of the house – the left ring. I didn't invite Rafael. I thought I would tell him about my adventure another time. I imagined I would see cobwebs and covered furniture, and I was right.

It was so creepy that I giggled delightedly. I had always been a fan of horror. Then, I heard a sound. It was soft at first. Then, it increasingly became louder. It was like a moan. A ghost, I thought. It chilled me to my very bone.

I should have left the area as soon as possible. However, curiosity got the best of me. I wheeled myself closer to the source of the sound, like Nancy Drew or Dana Scully.

It was coming from one of the rooms. The door was slightly ajar. Because I was in a wheelchair, I was a lot less stealthy than Dana or Nancy. The whirring sound of my wheelchair should announce me even if I were a few feet away.

Still, the two people entangled in an embrace inside the room did not notice me right away. It was clear who they were: him with the black hair and tall, lanky build, and her with her blonde hair and voluptuous body.

I gasped, hand flying to my mouth. Tears fell down my cheeks. I didn’t expect it at all. I was probably too innocent. Too naïve. I didn't understand how it could happen to two people who were brought up as siblings from a young age.

Joseph noticed me there. I thought that he was going to stop, but he didn’t. He merely grinned at me as he continued to pump inside Emilie.

“Ems, we have company.”

“Who?” Emilie looked out of it. High.

“Valerie,” Joseph groaned out, reaching his peak with my name on his lips.

I was frozen. Suddenly, I forgot how to operate my wheelchair. Soon, Joseph was dressed and holding on to my wheelchair’s armrests.

“So, what do you think? I heard that you’re getting better. You will soon join us, Valerie.”

He looked like he was on something. He was often in control. This wasn't him, my mind screamed. While he seemed to have a mean streak, I never expected him to be this way.

The day remained in the inner recesses of my mind. I rarely let it out. I knew that when Hannah cleared her throat when she passed by the dining table that she was thinking of that day.

I had found myself simultaneously shivering, sweaty, and in tears. I had used my wheelchair to knock Joseph down and rolled myself as quickly as I could. Hannah was my first thought. My refuge. I had knocked at her door and spilled out what I saw in halting words. She held my hand and massaged my palm until I had calmed down.

I was so excited about the possibility of being able to walk again, but Joseph’s words felt like a threat.

Back in the present, I wanted to tell Janus what I knew about the Sangster adopted children, but I had to stop myself. He would think that I had always been tainted, attracted to the forbidden. He would think that it was the norm in Briar Hill. He would think that it was the only reason I was drawn to him. He had the same coloring as Joseph's, just as Lara had the same coloring as Emilie and could be mistaken for her long-lost sister.

I also wanted to tell Janus that I could now easily get around with a cane. Surgery was even in the cards. I wanted to imagine that we would celebrate together. However, it might also mean that he would be suspicious of why I never told him and the detectives about it. Of why I had let everyone believe that while I was not perfectly healed, I could have committed the crime. My room was the closest to Mr. Sangster's study. Nobody had thought of questioning Dr. Dillon, but who was to say that he himself would begin suspecting what I was capable of?