My first everything at 16

...

When we finally arrived at my house I got out the car and walked to the front door. Just as I was about to open it he grabbed my arm.

"What!?" I lashed out.

"Woah. Bree calm down." He said.

"Why should I?" He squinted as if measuring my face.

"Wait. Are you angry?" He said looking at me with disbelief. Like he didn't do anything wrong. "Why are you angry?"

"Why am I angry? Why am I angry?" That's when I started laughing. Because if you think about it it was funny. He was asking me about my anger. As if I didn't have the right to be. "Well I don't know André you tell me." I said trying very hard to contain my anger and stay calm. His facial expression changed when I said his full name. I never use it. Don't think I've ever used it in the way that I had.

"Is it because of Mills?" He asked.

"Is it about Mills?" I said repeating his question. "What type of question is that? Of course it's about Mills."

"What are you jealous?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and an almost smile.

"You better wipe that smile off your face before I slap it off." The smile disappeared in a flash. "Firstly I'm not jealous. And secondly do you remember when we were younger and you made me promise you something?" He nodded. "Tell me what you made me promise."

"Um I made you promise to tell me everything no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable it was. It was to make sure we had trust in our friendship."

"You're leaving out the last part."

"And I would do the same"

"So you haven't forgotten. So tell me why this 'pillow talk' thing is news to me. Hell why is Mills new to me?" I asked and he kept quiet. Oh so now he chooses not to have something to say. "Maybe you didn't understand the question. André. WHY. IS. THIS. NEWS. TO ME?" I said slowly. He tookhis time responding. 

"Because I never told you." He said. He took that long to answer and that was all he could come up with? 

"No s**t. But why!? Why?"

"I don't have to tell you everything that is and was happening in my life." He might as well have slapped me. Because that's what it felt like. I told him things. Things I wasn't comfortable with telling him but I did. It hurts to know that it was a one way thing. Yeah he definately should've just slapped me. I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't. I tried walking back to the front door but he was too quick and stopped me.

"So why didn't you just tell that?" I asked. "Oh right. You don't tell me things that happen in your life. Even if they do affect me."

"Come on Bree, I didn't mean it like that. But you were just too much. You were always in my face. You didn't have much going on in your life so you crashed into mine. Anything that had to do with my life you just had to get a glimpse of. You took almost every piece of my life and didn't even leave enough for it to still belong to me." Was this true? Was I an irritation? Did I irritate him? Did he find me annoying? Was our friendship even a friendship or was it just a one sided thing? Was it even real? He continued before my thoughts could swallow me whole. "Look Bree I'm not trying to paint an ugly picture of you. I'm just trying to get you to see things from my point of view."

"Yeah. And you thought that was the best way of putting it."

"Well what did you want me to do? You were attacking me." He said.

"No. I wasn't. I put you in a corner and you didn't like that. I can't stand you right now. You're a fucken hypocrite! You made me promise you something for the security of our friendship and trust but the moment you got overwhelmed you had a change of heart! What bullshit is that! YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME! YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME YOU DIDN'T WANT ME! THAT I WAS A FUCKEN WASTE OF TIME!" 

That whole 'not yelling' thing wasn't working for me. I just couldnt hold back the anger that was ripping out of me. "I really hope that losing your virginity and Mills was more important than our friendship because I'm done." I turned to walk away but then he put his hands on my shoulders.

"Bree don't leave like this. Please. Please don't leave like this." He said with his voice cracking. His eyes had tears in his sockets waiting to be released. "You are important to me. I need you more than you will ever know. What I said was out of anger. Most of it wasn't even how I felt about you. I loved every single second I spent with you. I enjoy you're company. I really do. Please don't leave." He looked in my eyes as if he was searching for his friend. But then I remembered.

"Do you know what hurts the most? It's the fact that you used me. ME. YOU. USED. ME. Don't think I didn't notice you trying to make Mills jealous or whatever by pretending I was your girlfriend. I'm not some toy André. I'm not a tool. And I'm not the girl you left a year ago. " With that l walked and he actually let me. I think he was too consumed by his thoughts to even see me leave. Maybe it was his guilt eating him or maybe it was the realization that he had lost me and there was no getting me back.