No legacy left

No legacy left

This is a work that delves deeply into life, aging, death, and loneliness. In the book, the author, Hiroe Itoh, records the major and minor events of her life after the age of 60 in a diary-like tone, including facing various challenges such as aging, loneliness, and the passing of loved ones. With her open-minded and calm outlook on life and death, she teaches us how to face the challenges of life and how to find the joy of life in loneliness.The story in the book begins with the quiet passing of the author's husband on his deathbed. The author describes in delicate strokes the entire process of her husband's illness and her loneliness and sadness after his passing. In this process, the author gradually understands aging and death and begins to think about the disposal of her own belongings. She hopes that her daughters can die without leaving anything behind just like her, which reflects her open-mindedness towards life and calmness towards death.The book also describes in detail the author's process of learning iaido and her attitude of being courageous to try and persevering unremittingly when facing difficulties and challenges. In addition, the author also shares her daily life spent with her dog and the deep affection between her and the dog. These contents let us see how the author finds the joy and motivation of life when facing loneliness and difficulties.Regarding Trump's policies and decisions, the author expressed strong anger and dissatisfaction. She demonstrated her active participation in social issues and expectations for the future by taking practical actions and expressing her dissatisfaction with Trump.In the final part of the book, the author shares her inheritance and abandonment of cooking, as well as her feelings and thoughts when facing the "abandonment" and "inheritance" of cooking. This reflects the author's love for life and expectations for the future.

Hope to leave no belongings after death.

Hello everyone! Long time no see. In these days of not seeing each other for a long time, I have grown old rapidly. Not long ago, I had my sixtieth birthday. Now my body is soft and sagging, my face and neck are full of wrinkles. My once upturned eyes have become droopy eyes, and my hairline is completely white.

A few months ago, I started practicing iaido. Unfamiliar movements made me injure my right shoulder. It was very difficult to put on and take off my bra and open and close doors. Also, I always typed with my right hand alone. As a result, my right hand got tenosynovitis and now it doesn't listen to me. My temporarily used left hand and left wrist also started to hurt. I had to rush to finish a manuscript and sat at my desk continuously for two weeks. Now my waist is also in trouble. Finally, after submitting the manuscript, I got a bit carried away. Knowing that my waist was in an emergency, I went and danced Zumba crazily (please refer to "Menopause Notes"). As a result, my knees also went into an emergency. Until not long ago, I was still the most energetic one in the Zumba class. Now I can't jump anymore, my arms can't straighten, my joints creak and ache, and I have osteoporosis. I am not convinced, but at the same time I can clearly see: This is the reality.

Those years during menopause were quite fun. After it ended, there was a sense of exaltation like seeing the light of day again. But I didn't expect that after menopause, "old age" would come in this way and it would continue endlessly.

Ah, unexpected things often happen in life... I fell in love and thought I had finally found the one I love, but things didn't go as expected, making me anxious and distressed; after married life stabilized, I found that I no longer wanted to have s*x; the bitterness of divorce was beyond expectation; my beloved children entered adolescence and unexpectedly showed me fierce fangs. Although there are many unexpected things, I have stumbled through them all. So now with old age, I will eventually get through it. But unlike before, after getting through it, what awaits me is death.

However, with my personality, surely in a few years, I will find a way to enjoy growing old. So, tough women, please wait until I find it.

I vividly remember my mother's aging and death. She was first paralyzed and lay in the hospital for four and a half years. She also had Alzheimer's disease. Since she was completely bedridden, it was easier to handle. If she had walked around outside after getting sick, it would have been more troublesome. If people will eventually be controlled by genetic factors, then this is my future. The possibility is very high. But when will this future come? Anyway, not now.

My partner who lives with me is eighty-seven years old this year.

Last spring, the two of us went to London. This trip seemed to exhaust him greatly. After we came back, he suddenly grew old. Anyone could see at a glance that he was on a long downward slope. After this point, he stopped drinking whiskey, which he had liked all his life. My partner is very picky about whiskey and only drinks a single malt whiskey from Islay, Scotland, with a name that sounds like a spell. Last spring, we planned to go to Islay specifically after London to see the whiskey distillery that he had been talking about for years. When we finally got there, he stopped drinking.

Sexual activity ended at an even earlier stage. However, when I saw that my partner was indifferent to the Islay whiskey in front of him, I finally realized that he had given up his masculinity.

Speaking of which, no matter how many times you witness "death", you can never get used to it.

Shortly before my mother died, I was in Kumamoto. At that time, my mother's condition was not good. I couldn't go back to my own home in California even if I wanted to. The attending doctor told me that my mother's condition had stabilized and it would be okay for me to go home temporarily. As soon as I returned to the United States, my mother died. And at that time, I never really thought that my mother would really die.

It was the same when my father died.

A few days before he died, the attending doctor said that it might be in these few days. I listened to the doctor seriously with a solemn expression, but in fact my mind was empty and I didn't think of anything. Then on that day, my father said he didn't feel well. I took him to the hospital. I returned home and wrote the manuscript that was about to be completed. Then I returned to the hospital. Less than ten minutes after entering the ward, my father died. Until that moment, I never thought that my father would really die.

It was also like this when my dog died.

The dog gradually grew old and lost control of its bladder and bowels. I took care of it patiently. In the last few hours of its life, it was panting heavily. Because it was a dog, it always panted heavily (because it was looking forward to going out for a walk) before going for a walk. I thought it could still live and it was not serious yet. Just like usual, I let it lie at my feet. Just when I was writing an email, the dog's breathing that had just been ringing in my ears suddenly became quiet. I knew that the dog would die one day, but I didn't expect it to be at this moment.

It might be the same when my partner dies.

Perhaps it won't be until my partner stops moving and gets cold that I will realize that he will really die.

However, recently my partner has been aging too quickly, like a violent storm. I have thought about things like money, what to do with the house, and various troublesome procedures after death. Don't look at me calling him "my partner" here. In fact, we haven't gone through formal procedures. He did say, "When I die, the house is yours. Do whatever you want with it." He is an artist, and his paintings are everywhere in the house. Because there is no other place to put them. Even if I want to sell the house, I can't sell it. If the paintings are sold, I can earn some money. The problem is that not many people will buy them easily. If not many people will buy them easily, it means that occasionally there are still people who will buy them, so I can't throw them away.

I find it troublesome. In the past, I thought that as soon as my partner died, I would pack my luggage and return to Japan the next day. But now my luggage is getting more and more, and I can't pack it all... Every time I think about this problem, when I always think about this point, I get a headache and can't think anymore. It's still early! My partner will live until he dies. When will death come? I don't know. Maybe it will never come.

Recently, several of my female friends have lost their husbands. To me, they all said exactly the same thing: When he was alive, I was extremely annoyed by him; once he is gone, I am particularly lonely, extremely lonely.

When my mother was still alive, she was hospitalized away from home for many years. My father was alone at home, waiting alone for his daughter to come home and see him. Waiting and waiting, he just died like that. Father once said, "I'm so lonely. It's so boring. If I die now, the cause of death on the certificate must be boredom." Father's kind of loneliness is the "extreme loneliness" of my girlfriends. I realize this only now.

I had a beautiful dream. If my husband were gone, the annoying things would disappear. I could go to bed whenever I want. I could eat whatever I like. How wonderful! In fact, when he really died, I spent the whole day here without talking to anyone and only living with the dog. This is also due to genetic factors at work. I have personally felt the loneliness that my father felt before he died.

People may live to be ninety or a hundred years old. When the body can't move, can't take a plane, is forgotten by society, has less and less contact with friends, and successively receives obituaries. This person is gone, and that person is gone. Can't walk, can't dance Zumba, can't cook, can't read. However, just like others, one still has to spend twenty-four hours every day. I think it's okay to die at any time, but I don't know when death will come.

Perhaps everyone wants to escape this kind of suffering, so there is religion. Or perhaps there is Alzheimer's disease. Sometimes I can't help but think this way.

After my mother died, I went to the hospital to pack up her things. It could all be packed in just a few paper bags. Mother lived in the hospital room for four and a half years and only had so few things. Towel, toothbrush, cup, shampoo, diapers. I couldn't help but cheer for her.

My mother and I have never understood each other. In many things, I don't want to become like her. However, recently, I can slowly understand her. When packing up her things, I thought that if one can die without leaving anything behind like her, it is really open-minded and neat. The reason why mother can be like this is determined by her character and values. My character and values determine that I can't do it. I will definitely accumulate countless things and be reluctant to let go. Until the moment of death, and after death, I will still make my daughters go to great lengths to clean up. I feel sorry for my daughters. However, taking care of one's parents at the end of their lives is like adolescence. It is a necessary process in life.

Facing my relics, my daughters will either pack them up or throw them