LIVE LIFE LOUD

Embracing Life

I recently got diagnosed of Ovarian tumor that has the possibility of being

cancerous and operated on. Prior to that experience, I worked in a bank as a

transaction officer and I was good at it.

You see, I grew up wanting to be my own person, loved being independent and

spending my own money. So above all else, I focused on work.

My job was like a

high I couldn’t get enough of. Always the first to be at work and almost the last to

leave.

I had no social life, my love life was non-existant and the very few friends I

had/have were practically work friends. All I cared about was earning my monthly

pay so I could be able to do what I love the most(Spending my own money).

So I chased that high with every bone in my body, at the detriment of other aspects

of my life.

Then I got sick, operated on and almost died. Couple of days after the

surgery, I was in my private ward recovering and all alone; that was when it hit me:

I had absolutely no one but my siblings. No love of my life to hold my hands

through it all and say mushy stuff like ‘we’re going to be ok’.

No friends to visit and bore me to death with tales I would probably have no

interest in because I was in tremendious pain, to say the least. I was in a hospital

bed, unable to move, surrounded by Nurses constantly and yet I was all alone and I

knew it because for the first time in a very long time; I felt truly lonely.

I realized that day, that I wasn't living much of a life; I was barely existing and

that's not a life I want for myself anymore. I haven’t lived at all and I cannot fault

anyone because I am my own person. I decided a long time ago to live my life as I

believed and that was what I did. Being a weirdo and a loner can only take you so

far. Just so we’re clear, I’m still a weirdo and a loner but now I suck less.

I realized that I didn't want to be alone anymore, I want my life to matter and I

want to be loved and missed when I'm not there.

I want to be a phenomenal event to someone and I know wanting all these isn't

enough, I have to open myself up to the possibility of it all.

So here I am, laying my cards down, chasing my dream of becoming a writer and

doing my best to lead a normal mundane life.

I had to almost die to realize the importance of living in the present and finding joy

in the little things.

Life is a precious gift that should be cherished and celebrated every day. You don't

have to almost die to realize that. You can choose to live in the present, find Joy in

the mundane and take risks to pursue your passions.

These days when I wake up, I stare at the scar on my stomach, trace the line with

my fingers and remind myself of how grateful I am to be alive.

Someone recently advised me to apply honey so the scar would disappear and I

said no, I love my scar; it tells my story.

Remember, life is short, so make the most of it and live it loud