Chapter Eight
1946 Words
I'd been drowning in stress.
I needed to distract myself—if only for a little while—so I could forget everything weighing me down.
This was how I'd escaped my problems before.
And tonight, I chose the same escape.
Top didn't try to stop me. Of course, he stayed close, keeping a watchful eye on me the entire time.
I'd already downed several shots of the strong liquor I'd ordered.
Now I was in a bar that had made me feel strangely at ease the moment I walked through its doors.
The pounding music...
To everyone else, it was noise.
To me, it was silence.
I surrendered myself to the rhythm blasting through the speakers, swaying to the music with a glass still in my hand.
My short dress rode higher with every roll of my hips, forcing me to tug it down every now and then to keep from exposing myself. The dance floor was crowded, filled with people moving freely to the beat.
Once it became too packed, I made my way back to the table where Top was waiting.
He hadn't even touched the drink I'd ordered for him.
Without a second thought, I set my empty glass on the table, grabbed his untouched one, and finished it in a single swallow.
"Damn," Top muttered under his breath.
He was already used to seeing me drink, but sometimes, even he was surprised by how much alcohol I could handle.
"Come on, Top." I flashed him a grin. "Get up and have some fun."
He simply shook his head.
"I'm fine here, Miss Lucinda."
As I straightened up, the room tilted slightly.
I stumbled.
Top was quick to steady me on the arm, but all I did was laugh.
"I'm not drunk."
I brushed his hand away before wandering back to the dance floor.
A few men tried to dance with me, but I kept my distance.
I wasn't here for anyone else.
I was here for myself.
After a while, I felt the urge to use the restroom, so I slipped away from the crowd.
It wasn't hard to find.
What I hadn't expected was to walk in on several couples who were far too busy with each other to care where they were.
Were they really that drunk that they'd forgotten all sense of decency?
Crazy.
After taking care of my business, I returned to the dance floor.
Top visibly relaxed the moment he saw me again.
I only laughed at him.
I poured myself another drink and let the alcohol slowly drown everything I wanted to forget.
When a woman approached Top, I simply gestured that I was fine.
The poor guy was practically dragged off to one side, yet his eyes never left me.
I almost wanted to shout that I wasn't going anywhere.
Sometimes, it felt as though he'd spent his entire life looking after me.
How was he ever supposed to have a life of his own if everything revolved around mine?
The moment I saw the woman kiss him and finally steal his attention, I quietly slipped away to another part of the dance floor.
I continued drinking.
The crowd grew thicker, pushing me farther and farther into the sea of dancing bodies.
Still...
I kept dancing.
Without warning, I backed into someone.
Strong hands immediately settled around my waist, stopping me from stumbling any farther.
Fueled by the alcohol coursing through my veins, I began moving my hips to the music, just like everyone else around me.
The stranger tried to still me.
I ignored him.
I wanted to dance.
No one was going to stop me.
Not tonight.
Not when all I wanted was a few precious moments without pain.
I could feel the effect my movements were having on him.
Every slow sway of my hips brushed against him.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
And when I heard him draw a sharp breath...
I moved even more deliberately.
"Damn it."
His curse sounded almost like music to my ears.
The corner where we stood was dimly lit, as if fate itself had conspired to keep his face hidden from me.
Perhaps that was for the best.
I wasn't brave enough to see the face of the man I was shamelessly teasing.
I turned to face him, resting my hands lightly on his shoulders before swaying my hips once more.
My dress had ridden up again.
Without saying a word, the man tugged the hem back down.
"You're drunk."
There was unmistakable disappointment in his voice.
As if that were any of his business.
I felt lighter than I had in days.
"Who cares?" I challenged.
"Stop it, woman."
"Why?" I teased with a drunken smile. "Am I getting to you?"
Whoever he was...
I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
Unfortunately, he'd become the target of my drunken recklessness.
Suddenly, I froze.
My stomach lurched violently.
Because he still had a steadying hand around my waist, I couldn't pull away in time.
Before the poor man realized what was about to happen...
I threw up all over him.
"f**k!"
His horrified curse was nearly swallowed by the pounding music.
"S-Sorry!"
Mortified, I spun on my heel and bolted toward the restroom, my stomach churning with the unmistakable warning that I wasn't finished yet.
That was definitely my cue to call it a night.
After emptying what little was left in my stomach, I rinsed my mouth thoroughly and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
I looked like a mess.
Then I walked out as though nothing had happened.
When I returned to our table, Top was nowhere to be found. Neither was he in the corner where I'd last seen him with the woman.
Rather than wait for him inside, I decided to step outside for some fresh air.
The cool night breeze felt much better than the suffocating atmosphere inside the bar.
I could still walk in a straight line.
My vision wasn't blurry either.
I'd only gotten sick because I'd drunk far more than I should have.
I wondered where he'd gone.
I sighed.
He'd probably gone home after what I'd done to him.
My attention drifted to a man standing with his back toward me. Shirtless, he pulled a white T-shirt over his head.
"What happened, dude?" another man teased as he approached him.
"Someone spilled a drink on me."
So...
He wasn't the poor man I'd thrown up on.
I continued walking.
When I reached our car, I came to an abrupt stop.
The vehicle rocked ever so slightly.
For a split second, I wondered if there was an earthquake.
Then a soft moan drifted from inside the vehicle.
I immediately turned away.
Top...
And the woman who had approached him earlier.
I didn't need to see more to know exactly what they were doing.
There was no way I was interrupting them.
Feeling awkward, I walked over to a nearby bench and sat down instead.
From there, I still had a clear view of the car.
I'd just wait here.
The area was lined with bars and restaurants, their music spilling out onto the streets, so I didn't mind.
I leaned back against the bench.
Just for a moment.
I closed my eyes...
Never realizing that sleep had quietly claimed me.
I vaguely felt my body tipping sideways.
Then...
Someone caught me.
Strong arms caught me before my head could hit the bench.
I wanted to open my eyes.
I couldn't.
"Reckless woman."
A man's low voice reached my ears.
Oddly enough...
It made me feel safe.
I let the darkness swallow me whole.
After that...
I remembered nothing.
When I opened my eyes again, I was already home.
The sun was shining brightly through the windows.
My head throbbed mercilessly, and nausea churned in my stomach.
I barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting.
When I finished, silence settled around me.
Even the sound of the toilet flushing couldn't break it.
It was still too quiet.
The kind of silence I hated most.
I tangled my fingers in my hair.
Not again.
I could hear it again.
I released my hair and clamped my hands over my ears instead.
The house was completely silent.
But inside my head...
Someone was screaming.
My mother.
She had been gone for years...
Yet I still couldn't forget the sound of her screams echoing through the living room of our house.
My breathing became ragged.
It felt as though an invisible hand was crushing my chest.
Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face as I pressed my palms harder against my ears until they hurt.
"Miss Lucinda! Miss Lucinda!"
Top's voice rang through the door.
He must have heard my screams from outside the bathroom.
But instead of rushing straight to me...
He turned on the CD player first.
Only then did he come for me.
Oddly enough...
It worked.
The music slowly drowned out the screams inside my head.
Little by little...
They faded.
Top hurried into the bathroom and helped me to my feet.
"Miss Lucinda?"
The concern in his voice broke whatever composure I had left.
I threw my arms around him and burst into tears.
"Why won't she go away?" I sobbed. "I'm so tired, Top. Why can't I erase her from my mind? Why won't she leave me in peace?"
My body trembled violently.
"She was the one who left."
My voice cracked.
"She was the one who gave me this trauma."
I buried my face against his chest.
"And yet... even after all these years... I'm still trapped by what I witnessed when I was just a child."
Top tightened his embrace.
"I'm here, Miss Lucinda."
His voice remained calm and steady.
"Maybe it's finally time you saw a doctor."
He sighed softly.
"I still don't understand why you're so afraid of seeking help."
Without another word, he lifted me into his arms and carried me back to my bedroom.
He had always been more than a bodyguard.
He was like the older brother I'd never had.
He knew exactly how to take care of me.
He knew exactly what to do whenever one of my episodes returned.
"I'll ask the maids to stay with you."
He hurried out of the room.
I didn't even have the strength to stop him.
Only a few minutes later, two housemaids entered, followed by the housekeeper.
They helped me shower.
Yes...
I couldn't even do something as simple as bathing by myself.
My body felt completely drained.
They helped me get dressed.
They prepared my breakfast.
They stayed by my side while I ate.
"Would you like me to call a doctor?" the housekeeper asked gently.
I simply shook my head.
"What can we do to help you feel better, Miss?"
"D—Don't leave me alone."
"Is that all?" she said with a reassuring smile. "Then we'll stay right here. How about we keep you company with a little gossip?"
At that moment...
I didn't care what they talked about.
I just didn't want to be alone.
After breakfast, I brushed my teeth and climbed back into bed.
They turned off the CD player and switched on the television instead, raising the volume high enough to fill every corner of the room.
The noise helped.
Together, we watched television.
Before long, I found myself smiling as the housemaids passionately argued over the drama they were watching.
Even by lunchtime...
They were still there.
My room remained filled with voices.
With laughter.
With life.
And for the first time since waking up...
The silence no longer felt like it was trying to consume me.
- Writer
