The Billionaire's Nanny

43

My heart still raced from being startled, and I clutched my chest, trying to regain my composure after the scare. Lucas was on his feet now, eyes wide with rage and his jaws clenched so hard that I thought they would crack any moment.

"Where the f**k have you been?" he asked again, much louder seeing as I did not answer the first time.

"You scared me, Lucas," I said, shaking my head, "what were you doing sitting in the dark?"

"Going crazy worrying about you that's what. But that does not answer my question," he growled, stalking closer to me, "where have you been all day?"

"It's my day off," I reminded him with a scowl, "surely I am allowed to go out. I do not own all the problems in the world."

He opened his mouth to speak, but paused as his eyes narrowed on the slits between my dress, barely covering my thighs, "What are you wearing?"

"It's called a mini dress," I said sweetly and for some reason did a taunting twirl, "like it?"

"f**k no," he barked, like a child who just had his toy snatched.

"The kids are asleep, I presume," I quirked my brows.

"Right now, I cannot bring myself to give a f**k," he said harshly and reached out to grab my arm, yanking me closer. My skin felt like it was on fire almost immediately. "what is wrong with you Chris?"

"I decide to go out on my day off this once and you think something's wrong with me?" I tilted my head, feigning ignorance.

"You f*****g know what I'm talking about," he yelled, "First you leave without telling me.."

"I told Mia," I interjected, but clamped my mouth shut after he gave me a sharp look.

"Then you refuse to pick up your damn phone all day,"

"I forgot it on my bed,"

He continued, ignoring my taunts, "and now you come home way past midnight, in a dress that does not do the least to even cover your ass,"

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I did not realize I needed a dress code and a curfew," I retorted, twisting my arm free from his.

"f**k would you stop calling me that?"

"I don't know what else to call you," I shrugged

"How about the name you were calling me right up until last night?"

"We do not share the same relationship we shared up until last night," I yelled back, swallowed hard at the reminder.

"We are not nearly done with our conversation last night,"

"Whatever Lucas," I said and brushed past him, "I already made it clear last night,"

He was on me so quickly I did not get a second to react or expect his move. I winced in pain as he pushed me against the wall, trapping me in place with his body. "Do not whatever me Chris," he wrapped his hands around me possessively, yanking me into him, "never give me that whatever bullshit."

I wanted more than anything to melt in his arms wrapped around me, and drown in the pool of his piercing gaze as he stared down at me. Even with the rage, they burned with, I could still see the fear. He had been worried about me and that would have been enough to melt my heart if I were not too pissed at our situation.

It was not something I could just overlook like a bad flaw.

He had crossed a line. One we could not erase and I could not let myself get past it no matter how hard I tried.

So instead of letting myself melt into his touch, I held a hand on his chest trying to push him off me. "I want to go to bed Lucas."

"Chris," he started in a calmer tone than what he used seconds ago, his hands were still locked firmly around me, unwilling to let go. "I'm so sorry about how last night went. I know I f****d up, hard and I know I deserve everything you're doing right now, but believe me, I do not have any feelings for Sarah anymore."

My body went rigid at the mention of her name, "but you called me her name," I said looking away, "while you were kissing me."

"f**k that meant nothing," he said harshly, releasing his grip on me and taking a step back, "absolutely nothing. I was drunk and not thinking straight and with everything going on in the last week I just made a terrible f*****g mistake. It does not mean I see you as her. I would never see you as her."

I am not her.

"I don't know what you expect me to think Lucas, but I know I'm not acting out of the ordinary for having such thoughts after finding that room, so unless you want to tell me why you still keep memories of her then I do not think we have anything to talk about."

"Chris..." he trailed off, and my eyes met his. His eyes were deep with sadness, but I could not help him if he could not be completely honest with me.

"That's what I thought," I said, trying to hold back from letting my tears fall. I had cried enough for one day, but that seemed like a harder choice s my lips trembled and my eyes stung with tears. "We cannot move forward if you continue to hold on to what is behind, so until you make a choice,"

His hands shot put to hold me as I spoke, but I held a hand up, twisting backward, "No,"

"Please Chris,"

"Until you figure out what you want, I cannot help you." I paused to let a streak of tear fall, "and I cannot continue our relationship." I had not made it clear enough last night, but if I was going to pull through with it, I needed to stand my ground. Hard as that may be.

"I can't let you go, Chris," he said in a pleading tone. "I will not,"

"You cannot have us both either. You will have to let one of us go," I closed my eyes, letting the hot tears roll down freely, "and with how everything has been going lately, I know we'll have to get to a point where you'd be forced to let one of us go, whether you like it or not,"

"I am not holding on to her," he raked his hands through his hair.

"Actions and words have to match Lucas," I wiped a tear from my cheek slowly.

"We cannot go back to resenting each other again,"

"We don't have to. We never really tried being just employee and employer did we?" he opened his mouth to speak, but I held a hand up, "I'll go back to being the nanny that's there just to take care of the kids and you can go back to being just my boss. I think it's clear now that Sarah would be coming back to her family soon," I shrugged taking in a shaky breath, "so you may not have to endure my presence for too long. I'll leave and she'll assume her role and we all move on with life."

It was a hard choice, but I had to acknowledge the truth and move on now that I still had the chance. Now that my love for him was just at the starting point, now that I could easily turn back and walk out. I had to do so. It hurt like hell, and from the pain written all over Lucas's face, I knew he was hurting too.

If only he would just decide to be with me and not her.

When his hand shot out to hold me closer, I did not pull back this time. I did not fight him. I was too numb to. I had managed to avoid him this morning because I was avoiding this conversation. I had secretly hoped in my heart that we would find a way to maneuver the situation so I would not have to tell him that we had to let go, but all my efforts to escape only brought me right here. And I had to say the words whether I like it or not.

"Please let me go."

Instead of the release, I expected to get from him, our mouths crashed together. I wanted so badly to pull away because that was the right thing to do if I wanted to free myself from him, but instead, I opened my mouth, allowing him to take control.

I clutched his arms, digging my nails into them, first to support myself from falling over my quivering legs and more importantly because I was terrified of what would happen if I let go.

When he let go, it was too soon and all I wanted to do was cling on to him and let the passion that still flowed between us pull us back together. I knew too well what would happen the moment we let go. It was my decision, but that did not make going through it any easier.

His eyes burned into me as he slowly let go of me. "How do I miss you already?" he asked in a strained voice.

"You always miss me" despite myself, I managed to give a light chuckle.

"This is going to be f*****g hard," he closed his eyes and threw his head back.

I did not bother to tell him that I intended to make it easier by completely staying out of his way as much as possible. If I was going to get over him anytime soon while living in the same house as him, I needed to stay as far as possible.

I leaned closer, and pressed a small kiss on his cheek, before tearing away from him. He obliged, giving me a long look as I turned around and headed for the lift. The clicking sound of my shoes echoed as I took the few steps away from him, then turned around to give him one last look for the night. That though managed to splinter whatever remained of my already broken heart.

 "Good night Lucas."