The Billionaire's Nanny

49

Lucas stiffened the moment he realized the words that just left his mouth, I was just as frozen to the spot, eyes glued to his and my chest thumping so hard, it roared in my ear

The first time he had said those words to me, he clearly did not know I was awake enough to hear him. At least that time I got the chance to escape giving him a reply by pretending I was sleeping like he expected I was.

I had hoped to get some time to prepare myself for those three words before he popped them up on m again, but clearly, there were other plans in store and now, I was standing face to face with him with his skin on mine, completely clueless in what to say to him.

"Is that a trick to try to get into my knickers tonight?" I joked, trying to force a laugh and failing miserably at it.

"No!" he said quickly, "God, please no. It's nothing of that sort." he sighed, raking his hand through his thick curls. "What I meant to say is..." another sigh. He was terrified. Terrified to tell me how he felt. He was not the only one though.

I had been aching to tell Lucas that I loved him for the longest time, but today as he expressed his love for me—although, it was pretty obvious he had not meant to tell me—instead of the good feeling I expected to get from hearing him say he loved me, there was a tight ache in my belly along with a feeling like I had been punched in the chest.

With another sigh, he tried to speak again. "I meant to tell you under very different circumstances and not even today, but that does not make me mean those words any less. I am in love with you Christine."

I was taken aback by his confession for a third time losing my balance briefly. His hand shot to steady me and he took the chance to hold on to me. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, and my mind worked to think of how to tell him I loved in too. "I'm sorry I'm shoving all of these down your throat." he said, mistaking my silence for denial, "I really did not mean to pop it up like this. I was hoping for a more relaxed time to tell you how I felt when we were long over our current issues for starters, and..."

I stood on my toes, ending his explanations as I smashed my lips into his. His shock made him resist for the fraction of a second, but after that initial reaction, he snaked his arms around me, pulling me closer and moving his lips against mine in a slow rhythm.

One arm fastened around his neck, while the other held his face to mine. "I love you too Lucas." It felt like a heavy weight was lifted off me the second I said the words, making me question why I had held it back in the first place. Ah right. The crazy ex-wife.

He studied my face for a few seconds, eyes longing for reassurance as he watched me, "Do you mean that?"

"With all my heart," I assured him. "Before I met you the only kind of love I had ever really know was the love I shared with my best friend. It was the only kind of love I thought existed. But..." I choked on my words, managing to hold back a sob. I was not going to start shedding tears and ruin what was going to be a beautiful moment between us, though I could already see the elephant in the room, waiting to ruin it for us. I continued after a brief pause, "but these last few months with you, with Abby and Aiden, they have done things to me. Things I could never imagine to be possible if I was not experiencing them myself. Your love for your kids, for your family, even when you are being an asshole," he chuckled lightly, "It's rubbed off on me and all I can say is I love you. I love this family too, with all my heart, with every fiber of my being."

He gave a relieved sigh, moving his palm up and down my neck. "I don't think I have enough words to express how much joy is coursing through me right now." he grinned, throwing his head back, "you love me, you f*****g love me and my kids. What did I do to deserve you, Chris? I am a terrible bastard so I cannot think of what I could have possibly done to have the heavens send me someone like you."

My heart felt like it would explode any second at his words. "It felt like you did not exactly want me in the last few weeks."

"I have always wanted you, Chris. Even long before my heart decided to give in to what I denied feeling I loved you." his confession left me almost gasping for air.

"How long?" I dared to ask.

"I don't know, what I do know is that I lost whatever defenses I had the day you said you were staying for the kids. When I interviewed you that night."

"Lucas that was the day I came here," my eyes widened, "only a few days after we met."

"I know. No one had ever shown the kids so much love and attention after only the first meeting. Mia's love for them could be explained by her relationship with them as their aunt. But you barely knew them, with only a resemblance with their mom, one you were completely unaware of at the time, yet you opened your heart to them, willing to put up with their jerk of a father and willing to sacrifice your time and energy taking care of them. A sacrifice even their mother was unwilling to make. By the end of your first week here, I could not think for a second about anything else but the love I felt for you, and it only intensified with every passing day." he cupped my cheek, making sure I kept a steady gaze in him as he said the net words.

"Chris you do not have to force your way into my heart, because without even trying, you not only pushed her completely out of my heart, you created your own space deep in my heart. So deep that I would have to stop breathing to stop loving you."

"Lucas..."

"I know it's hard to believe me. Not with me f*****g tigs up and letting Sarah back into our lives, but every word I say to you Chris is raw and unfiltered because it is exactly how I feel about you."

"Then why?" I blurted, not bothering to fight the tears any longer. "Why did you hide the room from me?"

"Because I never imagined anything about her would ever come up to ruin what we had together. I may have still been hoping that one day Sarah would come back to our family, but that hope died the day I met you and I shut that room and locked it after our interview in my office. I had no reason to unlock it ever again, I had found you, I had everything I needed."

"The door was not locked the day I found it," I frowned, remembering how I had come to the conclusion that h was still visiting the room since it was unlocked.

"I cannot say I know how why, or how you even wandered so far up there. But what's important is that you understand that I never meant to keep you in the dark about that room. I never saw it as important, because Sarah is not important. Not anymore."

"But you called me by her name," more tears swarmed my eyes as that night replayed in my head, "and you were always comparing me to her."

"Remember when I had told you at the park that I was surprised to see two people who looked so alike act differently?" how could I forget, "I was still trying to adapt to having the same face but a whole different, more loveable personality. It was like you were in her body but with a very different heart and mind. Sarah was selfish, uncaring, self-centered, and everything that is the very opposite of you Chris. It was just me expressing my surprise and I'm sorry for hurting you by voicing my shock."

"So you were not seeing her when you called me by her name?"

The pad of his thumb grazed my lips softly and he pressed his lips in mine briefly. "I love you too much to disrespect you like that Christine." he said when he pulled back, "and I hate myself for making such a blunder that cost me what I shared with you, ut as I explained before, it meant absolutely nothing. yes, I was thinking about Sarah, but only because I was wondering what she had to do with your outburst at dinner that night."

God, now I felt like an asshole for trusting him so little. But there was still that big elephant hanging in the room, "You refused to let go of it still." I raised a brow, reminding him of our last conversation in the elevator.

"Are you sure about that Christine?" he said, sounding confident. "Don't answer that," he cut me off before I voiced my confusion. "I would rather show you."

The elevator door dinged open and we stepped into the hallway that held a most painful memory for me, even though I had visited just twice. Lucas held my hand in his as he led me to the door, in long confident strides.

"Why are we up here Lucas?" I questioned as he brought us to a halt.

"You have to see what's beyond that door to find out." he folded his hands across his chest.

"Just because you love me does not mean you can rub salt in my injuries." I shot back, feeling my anger rise with each breath I took. I turned to head for the elevator, but he caught my hand.

"I'm not going to do anything that will hurt you tonight Chris. You asked if I was not going to fix our relationship. It's only fair if you at least give me a chance before judging me—again."

His words stung. "At east take a look of what's inside before you leave." He held the doorknob and pushed the door. It creaked open slowly, bringing a fresh scent of cleaning agents, mixed with paint.

Giving him a questioning look I strode in, easily finding the light switch from the last time I was here.

I gasped in shock as the sight of absolutely nothing greeted me. Nothing as in the room was void of anything except the white paint and the echoes of our footsteps that bounced off the wall.

Lucas followed behind me, standing behind me, close enough for me to feel the heat radiating off him. "It's...empty. Completely empty."

"You did not give me a chance to tell you that I go that room cleaned out after our first argument." his explanation left me speechless. "I considered having them burn everything in here along with whatever feeling you thought remained for Sarah, but the risk of setting the whole house ablaze in the process was higher, so they cleaned the room out and burned it all out at a dump site across town."

"A dump site?"

"Yes, a dumpsite where you throw common trash because that was what it was to me. Trash that had to be taken out. It held no memories, no feelings, so it did not have to specially burned with some commemoration of any sort." I had not noticed he had done all of these for me because I was too busy avoiding him and the house as much as I could. All of those times I would rather spend inside my room, crying for no reason instead of trying to at least hear him out.

I was the one that did not deserve him.

"I'm so sorry Lucas." Another flowing streak of tears.

"No, I'm sorry." he turned me around, and wiped my cheeks with his thumb, kissing the spot the tears flowed through. "I'm sorry for hurting you, sorry for dragging this on longer than it was meant to go and I'm sorry for not making my feelings clear enough so there was no room for doubt between us. I love you Chris, and I know I do not deserve a fraction of what you bring into my life and I know I'm an i***t for making you cry, but I love you and I cannot keep it in or stay away from you any longer."

"I cannot stay away from you either," I whispered, inching closer to him. "These last few days—weeks—has been torture. I don't want to keep it going for even a minute more."

"You hold the powers to bringing us back together with Chris. You always have." he told me, "all you have to do is tell me you want me back..."

"I want you," I interjected before he finished speaking. "I want you back as mine again."

"I never stopped being your's Chirs," he smiled holding my chin to and making sure I was focused on him. He did not have to though, not even the heavens switching places with the earth would drag my attention away from him. "I'm yours, always, and tonight all I want to do is forget about all that's happened between us before and love you."

Tilting my head, I gave him a chaste kiss on his lips. "Then love me Lucas."