Guarded: Worth the Risk

Chapter 16

                                                                                        Natalia

            Bang.

            Sweat rolls off my forehead as I awaken to the sound of a trigger being pulled in my dreams. Sitting up, I glance around the room pulling the gray striped duvet tight to my chest. The alarm clock on my nightstand reflecting the time, 2 am, and that I had only fallen asleep a mere two hours ago.

            Three weeks have passed since Orlando sent his threats. Three weeks since I revealed to Nico a part of the past that I had fought to keep buried away. Three weeks since I’ve had the reoccurring nightmares. The nightmares, there all the same. My hands are tied and bound; my mouth gaged as Orlando places the cold silver semi-automatic against my temple, c*****g it and soon pulling the trigger just as I spring awake.

            Sleep has not been my friend lately as the insomnia has become a regular occurrence, consuming me completely. Mustering any strength, if any at all, I climb out of bed pulling on my giant plush robe and make my way towards the kitchen. I place the tea kettle on the stove and wait for the water to boil, sitting on the stool at the island while my giant plush robe envelopes me. It’s my favorite robe, in fact Leo at many times would refer to it as my Mort Rainey from Secret Window robe and that I was going to turn into him one day. The memory, even though it’s a fond one, stings just as much as the nightmares now.

            Placing my arms on the kitchen island, I lay my head on them allowing my emotions to finally overcome me. How did things get this messy? The tea kettle whistles in the distance, but I don’t dare to move. Drowning out the sound, I barley notice it had even stopped all together until a large hand rubs along my upper back, soothing me completely.            

            “Natalia-“ Nico’s voice low and seductive as he take a seat next to me.

            “Nico,” I mutter. Lifting my head from my arms that had been concealing my sobs, my breathing ridged and rough, but slowly evening out.

            “I wish I knew what to say, but I know nothing I say is going to make you feel better.” He says, sincerity dripping in his tone.

            I tilt my head to the side, looking into his eyes as I wipe the tears that had fallen to my cheeks. “I find that no matter what anyone says, it won’t make the past go away or hurt any less.” I pause for a moment gathering my thoughts before continuing. “Orlando didn’t just kill my brother; he killed our baby as well.”

            The confession slipping from lips has even me caught off guard. Earlier Agent Romero and I explained how Orlando murdered my brother and was in cahoots with a mob heiress who was also his secret fiancé, but I had never mentioned that I was pregnant and that he was responsible for the baby’s death. It was the first time in five years that I finally admitted to not only myself, but someone other then Agent Romero that he killed the one thing I desired so dearly.

            His lips press into a firm line and body tense as he tries to keep his composure. “I’m so sorry.” He says as he pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly as I unload all my emotions into his chest.

            For the first time in five years, I feel as if the fire within me has dimmed. I used to be driven, fearless, but now I’m just broken. Maybe, I have always been broken.

            Pulling back, looking into his deep brown eyes, I feel a sense comfort. As if I can trust Nico. He feels like home, a feeling in which I haven’t felt in a long while. It takes all my will power to not crash my lips into his, but I remember the agreement we made. We have to remain professional so he can do his job. Breaking our contact, he walks over cabinet containing my coffee mugs and tea tin. Pulling out a tea bag, he places it in a cup and fills it to the brim with hot water before walking it back over to me. Handing me the mug, our fingertips brush one another leaving behind a tingling sensation.

            “You look exhausted.” He smiles slightly.

            I can’t help but scoff at his revelation. “Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Hear his voice.” I take in a deep breath holding it before slowly releasing.

            He doesn’t say anything more, he doesn’t need to though, just his presence here is enough. He holds out his hand for me to take it, gripping his tightly as we walk towards our rooms. Standing in the doorway to my bedroom, I don’t want to let him go. I need him, like I need air to breath. His grip on his hand releases as he turns to walk away, but I can’t help what happens next. I grasp his elbow to stop him from leaving.

            “Nico..” I say so low that I don’t think he can here me, his body language stating otherwise. “Can you please stay with me tonight. Just for a little while I mean. I just don’t want to be alone.”

            He rubs the back of his neck as if he’s trying to relieve some tension, but nods in agreement. I step aside allowing him to enter before gently closing the door behind me and gesturing for a us to take a seat in the small seating area at the corner of my room. The silence between us makes me nervous.

            “Wanna talk about it more?” He asks .

            “Not really.” The tension building in my shoulders.

            “Well, we got all night. So, if you want to talk to me about it, I’m all ears.”

            I squeeze my eyes tightly before opening them to look at him through my lashes. All the heartache I had felt over the years is quickly sneaking back up on me. It’s then when I look into his eyes that I know I can truly trust Nico, that he is being genuine in his intentions.

            “You know, I had a feeling deep in my gut that things with Orlando were too good to be true. But I ignored all the red flags.” My tone is somber as I reflect on the past. “I’m kicking myself in the ass for that one.”

            “Yeah, I can totally relate to you there.” He says with a small smirk. “The red flags that is. The only murder Elizabeth ever committed was killing the fly that got into the apartment occasionally.”

            I can’t help the slight smile that grows on my lips at the small joke he tried to make.

            “Sorry, I didn’t mean for my last comment to come off so insensitive.” His smile immediately falling. “I can’t imagine what you must have went through.”

            “It’s ok.” I smile. “You learn to build a backbone after a while of watching your whole world crash in tabloids, newspapers, online, the news. You just never realize though how naive you are until your life as you know it crumples around you.”

            I feel tears threatening to fall, quickly I blink them away to remind myself that I am much stronger than I feel right now. Looking at Nico and the way he’s looking at me gives me a sense of hope.

            “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise you that.” He says while using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the few tears I didn’t realize had fallen.

            I exhale deeply, releasing the breath I had appeared to be holding in. “You have to promise me Nico.” My body tenses slightly. “That when I am ready to tell you the whole story, that you mean what you just said. I’ve had some many false promises in my life, that I’m not sure I can believe anyone or anything anymore.”

            “You have my word.”

            Standing from my chair, I walk towards the bed climbing up it, leaning my head against the headboard. Nico follows taking a seat next to me, but close enough that I can smell his fresh clean scent. Scooting closer to him, I lay my head on his shoulder. “For some reason, I feel like I can trust you. You make me feel safe.”

            He turns his head slightly pressing his lips to the top of my head before speaking into my hair. “Never doubt that, any of it.”

            A small smile pulls at the corner of my lips as I take in his scent more. Pulling away from him, looking into his eyes, I can’t help but feel some type of way. I shouldn’t have said what I said next, but something inside me internally was shouting for him, needed him. “I know we agreed to keep this professional, but could you just hold me for a little tonight.”

            His face is stoic, not giving him away at the slightest. Inside I’m internally screaming. Way to be bold Natalia. Before I can turn away, he wraps his arm around me pulling me into his side. Feeling his warmth surround me I relax and settle, resting my head on his chest as he holds me close. I know we shouldn’t be doing this. It’s wrong but feels so right.

            “Thank you.” I mumble into his chest ever so quietly as I feel a gentle kiss on the top of my head. Soon I feel my eyes grow heavy as sleep consumes me completely.

            The sun streams bright through the crack of my light gray curtains even though they are closed, waking me out of the deep sleep I so desperately needed. My eyes are heavy still, but my body is relaxed and for the first time in weeks at ease. I roll over feeling that the side of the bed where Nico had sat last night was now empty and cold.

            When did he leave?

            I can’t help but run my fingers over the cold sheets, reminding myself of how much I miss waking up to someone each morning. I glance at the clock and see it’s almost 7:30 am. Letting out a long yawn, I make my way to the closet throwing on a pair of workout clothes to begin my morning routine. Running shoes and socks in hand, my bare feet pad on the cold hardwoods as I make my way to the foyer. It’s Saturday morning so I am thankful I don’t have to rush to be in the office today. Morning Run, yoga then a nice relaxing bath.

            Nico makes his way to me, all business as usual giving me the ok to start my morning run. I connect my Air pods to my phone, cranking KennyHoopla’s How Will I Rest In Peace. As I run, I reflect on the events of the past three weeks. We haven’t heard from Orlando since he sent me Leo’s finger, but that doesn’t mean he’s not out there. Watching. Waiting. He doesn’t know about my home in Fox Lake, but it’s only a matter of time before he finds out. Anthony hasn’t had any leads since that day, but he assured me he would update me as soon as he had something.

            On the far side of the property closets to the lake is when I feel it, a prickly feeling as if I’m being watched. I slow to a jog glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone is behind me. No one’s there, but I still feel as if there is a pair of eyes on me. Stopping completely, I remove my air pods, listening for any kind of movement. The grounds are as quiet as always. You’re Losing your damn mind Natalia, get a grip. I’m beginning to feel like a god damn basket case at this point.

            Just as I place my air pods back in to continue my run, I feel a sharp pain to the back of my head. A warm sensation covers my body completely as I fall to the ground. My head throbs in pain as I try to grasp what had just happened. Who hit me? Why did they hit me? I struggle to keep my eyes open, as my vision begins to blur the outline of a women’s figure comes into view. Followed by a voice, one so familiar I feel as if I’m in my nightmare.