Philippe of Morgarath

Episode Twelve

Where the first few months felt like an eternity, the last month passed him by much faster. Within the blink of an eye, Llona told him she was pregnant, and he was laying in bed knowing early in the morning he would leave. He could not sleep. His stuff was prepared, he had sharpened his blade, and he knew he really should try to get some hours of rest. It just did not happen.

He heard Llona move in the bed next to him. He knew she was still up, but he did not say a word to her. He was hoping she would not speak, until he left. Guilt had started to crawl up to him from the day she told him she was expecting his child. The first time he noticed her belly growing, his entire body told him to stay. But his mind was pulling away from her.

He did not want to speak to her, he did not want to hold her. He was trying to act like the pregnancy was not there, because he knew if he tried to reason with himself, he would blow off the entire journey. And that’s exactly what she wanted.

Where Philippe had tried to fall in love with his bride, Llona had managed it convincingly. Philippe saw she was opening up to him, speaking more and more. She was asking for affection, she was trying to make jokes. Sometimes he even heard her try and manipulate him into staying. It was like she wanted him around, which Phil could not fathom. He did not know that love could be one-sided, and for the sake of his future child he also did not want to think about it to much.

‘I had a dream’, he heard her whisper. He turned his face towards her, and saw the tears in her eyes. He did not say a word.

‘I dreamt that you loved me’, she continued. Her voice was so quiet, that he had to make up the words by reading her lips. Once again, he chose the silent treatment.

‘I dreamt that you held your new born son in your arms, and that you wanted to be there for him. Philippe, you will miss his first steps. You will not be in his first words.’

Philippe sighed. She was pulling where he did not want her to pull.. right into his heartstrings. ‘I know, my love’, he said. ‘But I have to do this. If I do not, I will never be able to let go.’ She nodded, and he saw a tear roll down her cheek.

‘That’s what I have been telling myself’, she replied. ‘Even if you stayed, you would become general of your father’s army, and you would be gone for weeks and weeks at a time, training the troops.’

He smiled, grateful that she was not pulling more. ‘Exactly’, he said, but he heard that his voice did not sound very convinced. ‘He will be so young, when I return, he will never even notice that I was not there’, he continued his own defense.

Llona nodded again, but her face showed him that she did not genuinely agree. ‘I love you, Philippe’, she sighed.

He smiled. ‘I love you too’, he replied, as he always did.

She closed her eyes. ‘If you truly loved me, you would not leave me.’

He took her hand into his, and saw her open her eyes again. ‘I do love you’, he lied to her. ‘You are carrying my son. You’re the only one, carrying my son.’

‘Promise?’ she asked him, which surprised him. She noticed his surprise. ‘Do you promise me, that you do not give yourself to other women, while you are away?’ Philippe nodded.

She leaned on her elbows and looked at him with a fierce look on her face.

‘Do you promise?’ she asked him again. ‘You are the son of the regent of Morwerth, if you break your promise no one will stop you. But if you promise, I do not expect you to break that promise. Your word is your bond.’

Philippe did not have any plans, so it was easy for him to make that promise. ‘I promise’, he said after which he put one of his hands on her belly. ‘I will be back before you can count to three.’

He tried not to cry when he heard her whisper: ‘One… two… three.’

He took his hand back, got out of bed and walked towards the door. He could not be with her any longer. It was too hard.

It did not take him very long, before he found Davon roaming the hallway. In his hands he held a big piece of meat, which he was trying to devour. ‘Leave me be’, he defended himself with a smile. ‘I know what boat trip we are having soon.’ He pointed at the meat. ‘I’m enjoying my last night in the regent’s castle.’

Together they left the castle, and walked towards the horses. It was a bit too early still, but without talking about it, they knew neither of them could sleep any way.

When they reached the stable, Philippe saw Reagon sat on the floor. The man had his eyes shut, but opened one of them half when the two boys arrived. ‘Who’s that’, Reagon said, pointing at Davon with his chin. Philippe shrugged.

‘My cousin’, he said, realising that he had not told Reagon about anyone else joining. Merya and Uhno as well. ‘He will join us until Tyrewell, where he will go back to his father.’

Reagon got up, tipped his imaginary hat and walked away from them. ‘Nice meeting you, good luck on your journey’, the man said, obviously trying to show Philippe that he did not like the surprise.

‘Stop it’, Philippe spoke towards Reagon’s back. ‘He is coming with us, if you like it or not.’

Reagon shook his head. ‘I am not bringing a child with me’, he said, after he turned back at Philippe. ‘By the Gods, you are a child yourself. How about him?’

‘I am not a child’, Davon cried.

‘Reagon, stop it’, Philippe defended his cousin. ‘It’s just a couple days. Besides, there’s two others joining too.’

Reagon laughed. ‘We are bringing the entire army, are we general?’ he said sarcastically. ‘Your niece wants to join too, or Christophe?’

Everyone looked up when Merya joined them out of nowhere. ‘No’, she said firm. ‘I am not his niece. But I will come with you.’ She waved at the big man in front of him.

‘Uhno is waiting outside of the castle walls’, she turned at Philippe. ‘And if you guys do not mind, I would like to leave. Soon.’ She looked at the castle, and Philippe saw fright in her eyes. ‘I do not like castles.’