Snapshot

Chapter 7

“You are a creature of habit,” Avery teases as she walks up behind Kaden. He looks back at her with hooded eyes. His blonde hair is not in a style and is hanging in his eyes, but he makes no effort to move it as he stares moodily over the stage.

“Why do you say that?” he asks in a monotone. He is leaning forward on the chair and resting his arms on the railing as he stares down at the stage below him. A fan girl would sell her kidney for that chair if she saw how her idol was sitting on it, Avery remarks to herself.

“I wanted to find you, so I came to where I saw you last,” she explains, sitting down in the row behind him. From here you can see the entire stadium. It seems so full of promise without all the screaming fans. The massive dome seems to be resting, as if it can sense what is about to happen, and is gearing up for the action. The stagehands look like worker ants as they construct the massive structure on which the men will perform.

“You were looking for me?” he turns to her with a smirk.

“No,” she mutters uncomfortably, looking down at her phone. Nigel has been messaging her, he is proud of the fact that she has done so well. A few of her photos have been featured on the band’s website, and he is congratulating her. She puts the phone face down on the chair and considers leaving it there when he sends yet another smiley face.

“You did,” he hums proudly. She hides a small smile behind her hair and hopes that she isn’t blushing. Kaden doesn’t need any more encouragement.

“I just wanted to say that you don’t need Jack,” she says shyly, twirling a piece of hair around her finger, “you have written a ton of hits already. You will do it again.” He sighs and looks down at his hands. He fidgets with a few of his rings. The grunge rocker look isn’t just for the stage, he constantly looks like he should be on the cover of Rolling Stone. His sense of style is loud and impeccable.

“Do you know the last time I wrote a hit?” Kaden asks softly, his gaze intense. Avery shrugs, truthfully, she does not remember that name of his last hit. But to be fair, she does not remember a lot of things that used to be important to her.

“Three years ago, Avery,” Kaden leans back in his chair and rubs the slight stubble on his chin, his knee is bouncing in anxiety and Avery notices that his hands are shaking. “Ever since Kane quit, it’s like our whole dynamic is off. And then some stuff happened, and the label brought Jack in to generate hits. It worked. He’s like a songwriting machine. The label wants him to be front-man, I know it. I can feel them pushing me out of my own band, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it,” he rants furiously. His hands clutch angrily throughout his rant, and Avery briefly wonders what he’s reaching for.

“Kane?”

“Oh, right,” he mutters, “originally it was just my brothers and I. Felix joined after we were discovered. Kane is the oldest, but he and his girlfriend had a baby, so he decided to quit.”

“Wow,” Avery says slowly staring at the ground with wide eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” he says, shaking his head.

“You must be very lonely,” she comments suddenly, looking at him through new eyes.

“What?” he looks at her in shock.

“Yeah, I mean first, you lose your brother. And now you’re feeling like you are losing your band,” she gives him an encouraging smile, “why don’t you write about that?”

“How depressing,” he mutters, swiping at his hair, “no-one wants to hear about what I’m going through. They’ll call it champagne problems. My father does.”

“Hey,” she says suddenly, “you know what all the best songs have?”

“Kick ass lyrics?” he suggests hopefully.

“Nope,” she rolls her eyes at him, “emotion, feeling. You don’t have to tell people what you’re feeling, just pour those feelings into a song. People will get it.”

“We aren’t an emo band, Avery. Besides, the label rejects those kinds of songs. Don’t you think I’ve tried that?”

“Maybe you need to change your outlook,” she points out, “you’re looking at it like nothing will ever change and that you will be kicked out.”

“Yeah?” he scoffs, “you do not know what I’m going through.”

***

“Guess what I got us invited to?” Clara sang, skipping into Jeremy’s dining room. Jeremy followed behind his happy girlfriend with a dream-like expression on his face. The other three were sitting around his table, trying to focus on studying biology.

“I see you two made nice,” Lexi commented soberly, copying Avery’s notes.

“Is it any surprise?” Nigel scoffed, reclining in his chair as Avery copied from his notes. She did well in school, but her aunt didn’t waste money on her by sending her to the private school along with Nigel. The school counselor had suggested it, but her aunt hadn’t given it a second thought. She did her best with what she had, but there was no denying that the preparatory school had a higher standard. Avery probably would not need the extra information, it was just that she wanted it.

“I am so sorry for the way I acted the other day,” Clara said humbly, plopping herself into the chair next to Lexi. Lexi stiffened but continued writing.

“Come on, you guys,” Jeremy encouraged, sitting across from his girlfriend, “she is one of us now.” Lexi froze completely and looked up. She glared at Jeremy who shook his head subtly. She relaxed into her chair and tossed her pen away, flexing her hand.

“It’s okay, Clara,” Avery said encouragingly with a smile, “I understand.”

Clara gave her a wane smile and focused on Nigel and Lexi. “Look, guys, I know I acted like a crazy girlfriend. It was so nice of you to let me into the group, and I ruined your movie day. So, as an apology, I got us tickets to “The Suffragettes”. All for free, and it’s on a school night. So, we can pretend to be sick the next day and miss out on that crazy Bio mid-term.”

Lexi perked up slightly and Nigel leaned forward. Clara had played her cards well, Lexi loved the anarchist band and Nigel hated biology. The entire county wrote mid-terms on the same day, so he would not be missing out for once.

“I mean…” Lexi said with a shrug, “I guess we could go.”

“Yeah,” Nigel said nonchalantly, “we could have fun. We haven’t really bonded with you yet.”

Jeremy looked excited and Clara clapped her hands in anticipation. Avery looked up from her books and bit her bottom lip. She really wanted to go. It would be a fun night out, and she really wanted to get away from all the pressure around her. She looked down guiltily, she had worked really hard for this mid-term.

“There is only one problem,” Clara said forlornly, “I could only get four tickets.”

“That’s okay,” Lexi said, “we are only four…” she trailed off as she realized her mistake. Usually, they were only four. But now there was an extra person. She cracked her knuckles awkwardly, someone was going to have to stay at home. She just didn’t want it to be her.

“I guess I will have to stay behind,” Clara said sadly, her bottom lip quivering unexpectedly.

Everyone looked away awkwardly. Nigel began doodling on the dining room table, Lexi resumed taking notes and Avery scratched her neck. She wanted to volunteer. She did. But this would be the one night where she could be a normal teenager. She really wanted this.

“You can’t stay behind,” Jeremy pointed out gallantly, “your name is on the tickets.”

“Oh,” Clara perked up and flipped her bright red hair over her shoulder, “you’re right, Jer.”

“Look, I’ll stay,” Jeremy offered, looking around the table.

“No!” Clara protested, and everyone looked at her strangely, “I mean, I want this to be our first outing with the group as a couple. Wait…” she said, her brow furrowed, “Avery, didn’t you say that you hate this band?”

Avery looked up from her notes and felt a blush creep up from the bottom of her face. Everyone looked at her expectantly, and she suddenly realized how much easier it would be if she volunteered.

“Oh yeah,” Avery said nonchalantly, “I do. Besides, I studied really hard for this test. I want to take it.”

“Are you sure?” Nigel asked cautiously.

“Yeah, totally,” she nodded. She smiled at them, and they smiled back. She could feel the excitement in the air around her. “I don’t want to go; you guys have fun.”

“You’re the best!” Clara squealed, running over to hug her.

“And you’re sure?” Jeremy asked a hopeful look in her his eyes.

“Yeah, totally,” she said, nodding vigorously as Clara squeezed the life out of her, “I really do not want to go.” Her friends began chattering excitedly, and Avery smiled at the scene. She looked down at her notes, wondering how she could feel lonely in a room full of friends.

***

“You’re right,” Avery sighs, “I don’t know.”

“No, that was harsh,” Kaden corrects, “you are just trying to help me.”

“Kaden!” Ava’s voice echoes around the empty stadium, “Time for rehearsals!”

“Not now,” he groans, burying his face in his arms.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Avery chuckles, “performing in front of all those people.”

“That’s not the scary part,” Kaden grumbles.

“Kaden!” Ava yells again. From up here, she looks half her size, and not nearly as intimidating.

“What is the scary part?” she asks curiously, taking his hand when he holds it out for her.

“The fame,” he says softly as he pulls her up. She looks at him in confusion, forgetting her hand in his as he leads her toward the stairs. “The music is a part of me, and the performing is fun. But it comes with all these strings.”

She nods as though she understands what he is saying, but truthfully, she has no idea. To her, it appears he gets a lot of money to smile and sing along to some songs.

“I’m sorry,” she says lamely, not really knowing what to say.

“Have you ever been afraid?” he turns to her, and she stumbles back at his sudden movement. He takes a step forward, and she feels her back hit the wall. She can’t look away though, and he stops a foot away from her. Careful not to make her feel uncomfortable. She nods.

“No, Avery, the type of fear that makes you afraid to close your eyes? You try and push it away, but it’s there,” he gestures to the back of his head, “you can feel it. And it never goes away.”

“You’re weird,” she breathes, trying to lighten the moment. He shakes his head at her and steps away, and Avery regrets what she said. She wants to chase after him and tell him the truth. She wants to tell him that she knows exactly what he means. She wants to tell him that she is terrified. Every minute of every day. The fear eats away at her like cancer. Her heart feels so heavy, sometimes it struggles to beat. When she breathes, she can feel it there, sitting right under her rib cage, buried in her. She wants to tell him, to yell at him, that because of the fear, the rest of her body is numb. The fear has killed her emotions and changed her personality.

But she can’t tell him. If she does, she will have to tell him why, and she is not ready for that. She is ashamed, of what she did and because sometimes she cannot get out of bed in the morning. Who would want to hear that?

“Hey, Kaden,” she yells, he turns around, with a hopeful expression on his face, “today we are better than yesterday, and tomorrow we’ll do better!”