From Your Heart

Chapter 2-2

Kathy started laughing and couldn’t stop. If nothing else, Kevin was definitely good at making her smile.

Kevin was freakishly happy all week at work. For over a year, he’d been kicking himself thinking about Kathy. As he watched his siblings all fall in love, he’d been feeling a little bitter, and seeing Kathy last year bummed him out. He’d liked her and missed her when she’d slipped out of his life. He didn’t know why he hadn’t chased her down for answers. Ultimately, he treated her like any other girl who came and went. Knowing that it was his actions that caused her to leave made him want to kick himself harder.

Back then, he and Kathy hadn’t talked about exclusivity. And the time she’d referred to catching him cheating, he hadn’t actually had s*x with the woman. He’d run into his ex, Tina, at a bar. They’d both been drinking and pretty much passed out as soon as they cleared his front door.

But the thing was, looking back, he couldn’t say that he’d been totally faithful either. He just wasn’t sure. He’d been twenty-five and enjoying life. Settling down had been the farthest thing from his mind. His time away from work consisted of being at the bar every night. The only time his head had been completely clear was while he was actually at work. Or with Kathy.

However, in one alcohol-fueled conversation with Sean about women, he’d admitted to his brother and himself that Kathy was the one that got away. Now he had a fresh opportunity. She was single and so was he. And he wanted the chance to get it right. He’d spent a lot of time over the last year thinking about their brief relationship, and he couldn’t remember a happier time.

He knew he had a lot to overcome to win her back, but nothing was impossible. They weren’t the same people they were five years ago. He could show her that he’d changed.

She’d agreed to have dinner with him. She didn’t quite jump at the chance, but she hadn’t said no. If she truly hated him, she would’ve said they could figure out schedules via e-mail. She could’ve avoided ever laying eyes on him until the wedding. But she hadn’t.

As far as he was concerned, that meant he had a shot.

As Thursday neared, he made plans. If he remembered correctly, Kathy loved pizza. Pizza would be a nice, casual dinner, nothing that could be construed as a ploy or a romantic meal. What he really wanted to do was apologize for hurting her. It didn’t matter that she said it was old news and she was fine; he’d seen the look in her eyes that told him the hurt had been very real. His hurt at her leaving had been real, too, but he could admit it probably didn’t compare.

Normally, he’d give a woman flowers, but Kathy was a florist. Moira had bragged that Kathy owned her own shop and was doing the flowers for the wedding. Chocolate was a good backup, but he wasn’t sure. Asking Moira might cost him one of his testicles, so not a good idea.

On Wednesday night, he and Jimmy met for drinks, and after listening to Jimmy’s complaints about a bachelor party and what he didn’t want—no strippers? What the hell?—Kevin asked what he thought about Kathy.

“You need to get that out of your head right now. Moira will kill me if there’s even a hint of me helping you get to Kathy. Then she’ll go after you.”

“I know I f****d up with Kathy. In all honesty, though, I didn’t know until your engagement party when Moira told me I broke Kathy’s heart. Dude, it was five years ago. I thought we were casual.”

Jimmy shook his head. “I taught you better than that. Live how you want, but make sure everyone’s on the same page.”

“I thought we were. She took off without a word and I was pissed. Who does that? No fight, no big breakup, she was just gone.” Kevin didn’t need to explain how hard it was to have someone disappear from his life. Jimmy knew. He took a swallow of beer. “I’m not looking for you to talk to her for me. I just need an idea of what to give her. The usual apology gift—flowers—is out. Chocolate seems cheap.”

Jimmy grunted. “Not if you get the good s**t. Look at Godiva or Frango. Not cheap.”

“I wasn’t talking price. I meant the sentiment behind it.”

Jimmy eyed him. “Since when do you use words like ‘sentiment’?”

“I’m skilled in many things. I write at work and my whole job is to make the people around me sound smarter than they are. Just because I choose to limit my words around barbarians like you doesn’t mean I don’t have an excellent vocabulary.” He turned the bottle in his hand. “I don’t know how to explain this. I really liked Kathy. I wasn’t ready for anything serious back then, so I was probably willfully oblivious about her feelings. And that was shitty. I want to make it up to her.”

“You just want to apologize? Not get back with her?”

Kevin swallowed hard. He couldn’t lie to Jimmy; his brother would see right through him. “Yes, I want to apologize, but if doing so opens a door for me to have a second chance, I’m jumping at it.”

“She’s not a fling kind of girl. That much I’ve figured out in the time I’ve spent with her. Your casual s**t won’t fly this time either.”

“I didn’t say I wanted it to be casual.”

Jimmy froze with his beer halfway to his mouth. He stared at Kevin for a long moment, probably to assess whether Kevin was spinning some bullshit. Kevin held his stare.

“Why her? You’ve dated plenty of women. No one has stood out as particularly serious.”

Kevin shook his head and searched for the words. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot since your engagement party. I see you and Sean and even Tommy falling in love. I wasn’t in any hurry for that, but your life doesn’t seem all that bad. What Kathy and I had years ago could’ve been that. I was stupid not to hold on to her.”

Jimmy drained his bottle and stood. With a pat on Kevin’s shoulder, he said, “She’ll like chocolate, but she’ll value your words more. Don’t bullshit her. Be honest. It might get you further than you think.” He stepped away and then added over his shoulder, “But you didn’t get that from me.”

Kevin took Jimmy’s advice to heart. He also spent a ton of money on the best chocolate he could find before going to the restaurant Thursday night. He and Kathy had only communicated via text, so he didn’t know how she felt about their meeting. A text didn’t reveal any nuance, and while he usually liked the efficiency of texting, he wished he could’ve spoken to her.

He waited at the hostess stand for Kathy, feeling much like a guy afraid of being stood up by a blind date. Every time the door behind him opened, he turned to look. At seven on the nose, she walked in. Her curls were piled on her head in a messy bun and her face was clear of makeup except for the gloss on her lips, making it clear that she was coming from work and didn’t put in extra effort to look special for him. However, it backfired.

She was beautiful.

“Hi,” he said, suddenly nervous. Normally, he’d greet a date or a friend with a kiss on the cheek, but he feared the act wouldn’t be welcome. “I’m glad you came.”

Her brow crinkled. “I said I would.”

He nodded, feeling more foolish. “Here.” He thrust the box of chocolate at her.

“What’s this for?”

He put his hands up. “I wanted to get you something, but flowers would be dumb. . . .”

She smiled and the nerves in his neck loosened. “Let’s get a table and talk.”

Kathy stepped in front of him and he placed a gentle hand on her lower back as they walked. She stiffened but didn’t pull away. The hostess seated them at a quiet corner booth. Kathy set the box of chocolate on the table as if to remind him that he needed to explain.

Their waitress came by to place a basket of bread between them along with glasses of water.

Kevin slid his menu to the side for a minute. Might as well get this part over with. “I feel like an a*s for what happened between us.”

“And you thought chocolate was going to make up for it?” Her eyes narrowed and her brows furrowed with confusion. Not quite as bad as calling him an i***t, but close.

“No. I’m not that dense. I didn’t want to come empty-handed.” He inhaled deeply and remembered what Jimmy had said. Kevin knew how to be honest, but he spent so much time spinning the truth and couching it in BS that being straightforward was a novelty. “I’ve been thinking about you ever since the engagement party. The first thing I thought of when I saw you was that we had a great time together. Followed quickly by the anger I felt when you cut out without a word.”

When she opened her mouth, he held up a quick hand. “I understand why you did what you did. More or less. Most women would’ve attacked, but that’s not your style.” He took a deep breath. “In the year since the party, I haven’t been able to come up with one thing that was bad with us.”

She nodded. “Things were good. That’s why it was such a shock to find out that you were cheating.” She snapped her jaw shut and closed her eyes for a second. “We don’t need to rehash this. Like I said, life goes on.”

“But I need to explain and give you an apology. You deserve one. First, I didn’t think I was ready for anything serious when we were dating. I think part of me recognized that what we had was getting serious and instead of backing out or talking to you, I self-sabotaged. That night you saw me with Tina, who was an ex. We’d both been drinking and I invited her back to my apartment. It was a shitty move. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t,” she said quietly, her head down.

“But I didn’t sleep with her.”

Kathy’s eyes shot back up. “What?”

“I’m not going to lie, she wanted to, but we didn’t have sex.”

“Oh.”

“But if I’m being totally honest, I can’t say for sure that I didn’t cheat on you some other time. I just don’t remember.” He took another deep breath. “Saying that out loud makes me feel like an even bigger asshole. The thing is, except for when I was at work or with you, I was out partying, always looking for the next good time.”

Her throat worked as she swallowed. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because you deserve the truth. And I want to start fresh.” Kevin reached across the table and laid a hand over hers. “I’m really sorry.”

She stared into his eyes for a long moment. He remembered spending hours getting lost in her light brown eyes.