Hallows: Merciful Death

It's All I have

Bring Me The Horizon- Throne

B.B.:

News about Cassius spread like wildfire. Not only is there an investigation to find out who wrecked his ass but now some of the girls that he raped are stepping forward to have their stories told. Including Shane's sister. She's fifteen. A couple of the other girls are younger. Freshmen. Piece of s**t. He deserved what he got a million times over. When the girls started to speak up, I was able to finally sleep at night. No matter how much I smoked or how much I exercised to tire myself out, I'd lay awake in bed trying to justify what I had done. For the first time in a long time, my hands were shaking with guilt but not anymore.

Stacy is talking to her girls. One of them got roughed up last night while she was out for delivery. It's the fifth time it's happened since I started hanging out with them. Stacy has been trying to get them tasers and pepper spray. The cops are all over them. Not just to keep them off the streets but to protect them. If they find a gun on top of the weed, they're going to stop production. Most of them really need money for personal things. Rent, medical bills, surviving.

"Maybe you guys should deliver in pairs," I suggest. "Set a curfew. No deliveries after seven,"

"Night deliveries is where the money is at," one of them sighs.

"You have good product. If someone really wants it, they'll make the necessary adjustments. It's getting bad out there. Stacy still has some bruises herself," I remind them mindlessly as I scroll through my phone. Everyone is talking about a rapist. Not someone who was mutilated in our prestigious school halls.

"Okay," they agree.

"I mean, you guys don't have to listen to me. I'm just making a suggestion," I look up. I didn't think they cared about what I said.

"It's a good one," Stacy smirks. "Where are the guys?"

"Luc, Marco, and Dylan have senior stuff. Carson is with the South siders tonight. That Jimenez guy shot Danny's older brother, Johnny Lowe,"

"Oh, s**t," she whispers as if it affects her more than just some random shooting. She takes her phone out and starts tapping away at it.

"You know him?"

"Yeah, we f****d around for a bit," she nods. "I mean just kinky s**t. He's cool,"

"Not judging. I think I have two boyfriends," I admit. All the girls laugh. Stacy grins.

"You do," she smirks. "f*****g devils. I'm surprised Carson is letting you in on certain things. He's not much of a talker,"

"We have this thing where if he wants to hear about my day he has to talk to or I'll just sit there and play games on my phone with Luc," I laugh. They all giggle. "He is difficult to bargain with," I admit. He really is. The guy is like a stone wall.

"What about Luc?" Natalie, Stacy's right-hand girl asked. She oddly has dark hair like mine, she's tall. The only difference is her eyes. They're closer to a pretty mercury silver than my gold ones but I swear we look alike. Even her voice. The way she lifts her left eyebrow. Weird.

"Getting him to shut up is the trick," Stacy scoffs. I laugh because that's very true.

"He has a lot to say. I love it, it's distracting and he's funny as hell. When I want to get him to stop I play music," I sing and he stops to listen. They all laugh.

"Fucker starts singing. He never shuts up," Stacy rolls her eyes.

"Do you want to come to Sheldon's with us? We have band practice right now but the show starts a seven," Natalie asks. "Dilly-Dilly would have loved that,"

"Yeah, you should come. I mean you're already out and about," Stacy bumps my shoulder. "If it gets too much, I'll call one of the guys to come get you,"

"You don't have a ride?"Natalie asks surprised.

"No, my mom doesn't like me using her car. She took her keys," I say.

My dad never owned a car. He was chauffeured around like every other Blackstone in history. He didn't know how to drive because he never needed to learn. Just like me. I lie because admitting that no one has ever taught me to drive is the most depressing and embarrassing s**t in the world. I'm going to ask one of the guys to teach me or maybe just watch a bunch of tutorials. I think I was nine when I got in trouble for sneaking my mom's keys. My dad thought it was the greatest thing ever. There are pictures in the hall by my parent's room from that day.

"Is that why you longboard everywhere? You're nuts riding around in that thing in the rain," she laughs.

"I have a bunch of them. Some of them were my dad's," I nod. "I kind of learned to ride one before I could walk,"

"That's so cute," she grins.

"Yeah, I'll hang out tonight," I agree, needing to stop thinking about my father. He was the reason I didn't want to be part of my sister's little extracurricular activities.

"Sound check is at five," she taps the table between us. "All right girls, let's give the boss some space with her new girl toy,"

"Bye guys," I wave at them as they walk away. They all turned around and said bye at the same time. My face turns bright red and I start laughing. "That's so cute,"

"b***h, you are high-ass balls," Stacy bumps me playfully.

"I am," I agree. We both laugh.

"Let's get Chinese food at the Donut Bowl and head to your place?" she suggests.

"Yes, and boba," I agree. She laughs taking my hand to lead me along.

It feels good to have people around. I don't know if it's ever going to stop surprising me. Especially because the people around me seem like they genuinely want me to be here. It wasn't like that with the jocks. They loved me because of all the dumb fake s**t I used to do. They loved what I had but they hated when I arrived. They knew that I'd take their spotlight. There was envy and forced nicety. Not here. They all just say what comes to mind. Good or bad. I've taken everything for granted my entire life. I see it now. Maybe a little too late but I see it.

We're in my room eating and listening to I Prevail when we both hear the sound of footsteps outside in the hall. Stacy reaches for her backpack and holds up a twenty-two. I laugh at how small it is but, in her hands, the tiny gun fits her perfectly. We both get up and go over to the door. We slowly lean over to view the hallway. It's pitch black except for the spot at the other end of the hall where the small Beauty and the Beast stained glass window is. It casts a colorful light down at my mom's glass rose. My dad gave that to her the night he proposed. Her ring was on the glass rose.

"Hello?" I call out. No answer. I didn't really expect one. I think I would have screamed if someone had answered.

"b***h, don't do that. What if they answer?" Stacy lets out a low-pitched squeak.

"It's six-eleven. What do you say about heading out?" I ask.

"Get out of my head," she whispers. We gathered our things and run down the stairs to get into her car. "Does that happen a lot?"

"Uh- this is the first time it's happened to me with someone else in the house. I kind of just thought it was in my head," I admit.

"What? That's scary as f**k. Why do you say it's just in your head?" she shakes her head as we exit the gate.

"Don't tell anyone this," I look over at her.

"B.B. you bottle f****d some ass hole for me and mutilated another. There isn't s**t you can say that will make me turn away. Nothing," she emphasizes nothing dramatically.

"Okay," I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. "After Dilly died, I used to see her there all the time," I whisper loud enough to fill the silence between us. I feel my throat tighten. "The first time I-" I took a deep breath and let it out slowly again. "I dislocated my shoulder reaching out to pull her to me. It was an instinct and I f*****g went through her. Fell over the rail,"

"f**k, B.B," she offers me a joint from her denim jacket pocket. I laugh taking it. Wow, it feels good to have finally told someone what really happened. I told my mom my board got caught on a big rock. I said I stumbled into a tree. I've never fallen off my board. Never. It was a different lie for Espinosa.

"Yeah, thankfully David was coming through the door. I told him I was sleepwalking. I used to when I was a kid," None of us ever talked about it after my shoulder was popped back in place.

"Damn, bro. I wouldn't be able to live like that. Why do you stay there?"

"That f*****g creepy house is literally all I have left," I shrug. "I honestly love it. It likes to f**k with me. Even when no one else was,"

"b***h, you're gonna make me cry," she shakes her head. "I can relate. For a while after Dilly died. I slept in the master bedroom at Whitmore. It was the only place I could f*****g sleep and it's eerie and creepy as s**t too,"

"Eerie and creepy as s**t should be our next tattoo," I laugh putting my lighter to the tip of the joint.

"B.B. It's backward," she laughs. I pulled it back to see that I'm trying to light the filter. We both burst into giggles.

"I can't believe I just did that," I say in between laughs. "I wasn't paying attention,"

"f**k, I missed having fun like this," she lets out a heavy sigh. "I f*****g love you, B,"

"Aww, thank you. I love you too," I reach into my bag to get my makeup bag. I use one of my new razors to cut what I burned off the filter.

"Do you still see her?" she asks after a while.

"It used to be limited to the house but as of late, she's everywhere," I nod. "When I saw Shane and Rosa at the party when they all walked in. I swear I was back in the house that day. I could hear the f*****g creaking in the ceiling and see her shoes. I could smell her Channel perfume. I wanted to f*****g kill them all,"

"It's the reaper," she says. "It's preparing you,"

"Yeah, I read it in the reaper journal. It said it's only going to get worse. I'm going to see my victims after I kill them. Watch them pass on," I nod. "Other ghosts. Like I'm linked to the underworld or some s**t,"

"Are you scared?" she asks.

"I haven't not been scared since she died," I admit. "The trick is not letting it disable you. For the most part, I've got it but some s**t just chills me down to my f*****g soul. I'm more afraid of the day I see some s**t I'm not gonna be able to shake,"