Hallows: Merciful Death

Rush E

La Dispute- Such Small Hands

B.B.:

"You tiny f*****g ass holes," my mom shouts accusingly when we get home. It's funny that she's calling us tiny. The only tiny one in the room is Stacy and if we're being honest, her. "I will not be putting up with this s**t again, Belladonna. You can't just be running around doing whatever the f**k you want. This isn't happening again. Do you hear me?" she turns her angry gaze at Luc and Carson. "You're supposed to keep her from doing this s**t. You're supposed to be her voice of reason,"

"I don't know what it is you're talking about," Carson smiles at her. She walks right up to him and pulls the collar of his t-shirt down and then does the same to Luc. She pulls them down enough for them to be looking her in the eyes. Their smiles instantly fade.

"No? You think I don't know what a f*****g Red-devil is? Your crow?" she sneers at them. The two of them look at one another like two kids who were just caught smoking a cigarette by their mom.

"I-what is happening?" I ask pulling her away from them. She doesn't fight me and instantly lets go of them.

"I'm leaving," my mom sneers, turning her back to them. "I can't do this s**t a third f*****g time. I can't. Here are the contacts I kept for your father. You have access to your money. Do whatever the f**k you want, Bella. Don't call me," she points at all the files on the coffee table.

"Mom," I reach for her. She pulls away from me as if I disgust her or something.

"I will not watch you feed that f*****g demon inside you, Bella. I won't," she shouts hysterically.

"What happened to divinity and all that other bullshit?" I shout. My body loses the warmth I've been desperately trying to cling to as my gaze clashes with hers. I don't have the same resolve my father and sister did.

"I didn't-" she pauses and screams angrily making my ears burn. "I can't do this again," she begins to cry. "I found him in our bathroom with his f*****g brains splattered all over the f*****g mirror. Me," she stomps her foot down hard as if her saying that is going to make me feel any sort of sympathy towards her.

"And? I found your daughter hanging from that f*****g chandelier," I point back at the stairs. "Did you think that because you had it spray painted that it was magically going to f*****g disappear? You're not the only one f*****g stuck in this f*****g house, mom! You're never even here! You f*****g left me. I was fourteen years old you f*****g selfish b***h," I scream, panting as if I've just run miles without stopping. She takes a step back knowing that I'm not done yet. "You don't get a free f*****g pass, I'm your daughter. Yours just as much as I am his. Do you think I want this s**t?

"I don't even know what the f**k is happening to me. I need you, Ashley. I've always needed you and you f*****g abandoned me just like they did. If you leave me like this, I will never f*****g forgive you. Never!"

"Bella," she shakes her head while I try to catch my breath.

My mother comes over to me pushing my bangs away from my face. I shove her. Feeling like a huge weight fell off my shoulders and another slammed right on top simultaneously. The last thing I want is to hurt her in any kind of way and I just said what I did. I just f*****g said that out loud. The low hissing tone I used on Holland is back.

"I don't know what's happening to me," my body is trembling.

There it is, my conscience. The voice of reason. Hello, my old friend. Here are back in the dark hole we dug for our little heart-to-hearts. This is the part where you remind me how f*****g selfish and disgusting I am. Just the thought of being alone after this is enough to encourage these traitorous tears to slide down my face. Here in front of everyone.

"It's going to be okay, Bella," she pulls me into her even after I tried to push her away. "You're going to be okay, baby,"

"f**k," Carson clears his throat and walks out of the house.

"He gets a little emotional. He'll be fine," Luce smiles tightly. His eyes are on me and there's a hint of what I think is pride mixing into the pretty, warm, honey liquid trapped there in them.

"Can you give us a minute?" I ask, trying to calm myself. They all walk out of the house. We could have done this in private. Whatever her intention was, she definitely had ruled out my having a meltdown.

"Bella-"

"No, mom," I push her away.

"I'm sorry, okay. I just-" she shakes her head and sits on the piano bench. The keys gave an ugly echo when she puts her elbows on them and begins to cry with her hands over her face. "I've been doing this since I was fourteen years old. All because fell in love with the wrong f*****g person,"

"Don't say that," I go over and sit down next to her. "Dad loved you,"

"I know he did," she sobs angrily. I sigh looking down at the keys. She's crying now, Belladonna. Are you f*****g happy? "But you wouldn't be going through this if your last name were Espinosa,"

"I'd probably be an even bigger ass hole," I smirk trying to remember the notes to Debussy.

I really need to stop watching stupid movies with Stacy. I pressed down on them and began to play for her. She sits back and watches me as my fingers moved over the keys smoothly. You never forget, I think. At least, I can't. I've held onto everything she's ever taught me ever since I can remember. I've always needed to hold onto everything she said and did. My mother is by far the strongest person I know and I figured if I tried to mimic her, I'd be strong too.

"You practice?" she sniffles.

"Not in a while but it's like riding a bike," I shrug.

"No, it's not," she rolls her eyes. "Your father used to say that. I only gave him three lessons and that f*****g ass hole could play Rush E like he f*****g invented it,"

That makes her mad. I'm sure it's because he picked things up like a hobby while she devotes her body and soul to this thing. I can't imagine loving something that much. To sacrifice everything for a passion like this. I don't see the point. I have little obsessions here and there but they come to pass and I find myself looking for a new escape.

"This one?" I began to press the keys without taking my eyes off her. I even add a little dramatic flare as I pick up the pace. She laughs shaking her head. "I don't expect you to stick around, mom. I don't need you to be here looming over me all the time. I just don't want you to leave me. Indefinitely,"

"Bella-" she places her hand over mine stopping me. She dabs her face like she's afraid of smearing her makeup. I doubt that comes off like that. She probably uses some special oil. Not even her mascara is runny. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize to me. You never have to apologize to me, mom. I shoved a cold beer bottle in a kid's ass hole. It still had the cap on," I shake my head and continue to play. I don't actually regret that. I don't. I do it again and it has nothing to do with Stacy if I'm being honest. A sick part of me knows that a part I'm completely terrified of now.

"Don't f*****g tell me that, Bella. What the f**k is wrong with you?" she smacks me on the back of the head.

"That's exactly my point, mom," I smirk. I need her to see that I'm going to be able to get passed all of this without her being here.

"Is he the boy that hurt Stacy?" she whispers. I told her as much but I think she wants details. Details I don't have myself.

"One of them," I nod. "I could have killed him for that. I wanted to,"

"f**k, B. B," she sighs putting her arm around me.

"Do you know about this curse?" I start the song over.

"Yeah, I know about the curse. I mean not a lot. But enough to know that you've been activated," she sighs heavily. She blinks repeatedly to fight back more tears. "There's no going back,"

"Is there a way to break it?" I ask.

"If there is, I wouldn't know. I mean your father tried but this power is addictive. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Your father was the son of Kellan Blackstone and Elena Phantom. He was pure. That means he was extra f****d. He had both the Reaper and the black mamba,"

"The reaper? Like the grim reaper?" I ask, picking up the pace. I have to admit that while I'm not interested in this it's a lot of fun. This song is mischievous, a little violent, and sinister even. She's watching the way my hands move over the keys almost as expertly as hers probably would. I know I'm missing keys but I can't stop now.

"Yeah, it was why he was so good at this music s**t. The black mamba is a tease. She feeds off threats and violence but the reaper feeds off death. Your dad was the leader of Satan Couture. There is not a single person on this planet who doesn't know the name, Dante Blackstone. He got away with murder, B.B.

"A lot of it. There is no doubt in mind that if Dilly would have pushed The Fallen after graduation, she would have been the same way. You being let go at the station the way you were had nothing to do with my lawyers. It was that thing inside of you," she taps my chest. "It'll protect you so as long as you give it what it wants,"

"If that's true what happened to dad and Dilly?" I ask.

"I don't know but they're not the first to do it. There is only so much the human psyche can take. They either did something that really f****d them up or refused to do what the curse wanted them to do. I don't see another reason why they would do what they did,"

"You don't think something was done to her?" I ask. She looks over at me questioningly. I meet her eyes this time before looking down at the keys.

"What do you mean?"

"I think someone did something to her, mom. Delilah wasn't- she wouldn't have done it because of what she was doing. She single-handedly kept crime down. Like way down. Even when she was at war. I don't believe she killed herself because of this. Not for a second. She had plans. That much is obvious. She wanted more. She wouldn't leave everyone like that,"

"Baby, this life is dangerous. You've never seen anything ugly. Not really. I mean yeah, your sister hung herself but out there. There are real monsters, B.B. I don't know what the f**k is wrong with this town but there are real Jeffery Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Gracy motherfuckers here.

"In this town, right now and they've been running f*****g wild since your sister killed herself. If they did do something to her, you have to remember that they drove a viper to kill herself. That's how bad it is. That's what you're going to be up against. I know all of this seems elegant and fun. It's easy to let it corrupt you because trust me when I say it will happen, B.B. It's not as simple as feeding. This s**t is going to chew you up and spit you out. Divinity, Bella. s**t humans had no business f*****g with and now you're stuck,"