Agnostic By Default, Awakened By Design

Chapter Twelve: I Read It All

I didn’t know how long I’d be in there.

Days started blending together. The lights never really went off, and my thoughts never really quieted.

So I read.

That little blue book became the only thing I could control.

So I turned the pages, slowly. Some I read out of curiosity, some just to pass the time.

And honestly… a lot of it made no sense.

Genealogies. Parables. Prophets. Stories from a world that didn’t feel anything like mine.

But I didn’t stop.

I kept going.

Page after page. Day after day. Until finally, I reached the end.

I finished it.

Front to back.

And when I did, I just sat there, holding it, confused.

I didn’t feel wiser.

Didn’t feel closer to anything holy.

Just… tired.

What did I just read?

Why did it matter?

Then came my court date.

They took me to arraignment, and that’s when I saw it—

my court date had already been set two weeks earlier.

Two weeks I’d been sitting in a cell, not knowing.

No answers. No movement. No chance.

Just forgotten.

When I got back to my bunk, I picked the Bible up again.

Same one. Same pages.

But this time, I didn’t just start reading.

I prayed.

Not out loud.

Not with fire.

Just soft. Honest.

“God… I finished it. But I still don’t understand.

If this book is from You… then show me what I’m supposed to see.

I don’t know what You want from me. But I’m asking.”

And with that, I started it again.

Not for the words.

But for the meaning.