Agnostic By Default, Awakened By Design

Chapter 14: Light, Love, and Questions

When I saw that Peter had resurrected Tabitha, something inside me cracked wide open. The curiosity that had been stirring quietly now demanded answers. My name was in that verse. My story was in those words. It was too specific, too strange, too perfect to ignore.

If Peter, just a man, could do something that I thought only God or Jesus could do—then what else had I misunderstood? Who was Peter really? And if he could resurrect someone like me... what did that say about me?

I didn’t know much about theology. I didn’t even fully understand what it meant to be a disciple. But suddenly, I wanted to know everything. I wanted to understand what power lived inside of Peter—and whether it lived inside of me too.

That’s when I started seeing it—everywhere. Over and over again, I read that God is within. And another verse that hit me like a lightning bolt:

“Greater works than these shall you do.”

I paused, stunned. If that was true… if I could do greater works than Jesus himself, then why wasn’t I walking on water? Why couldn’t I heal? Why was I still stuck in a cell, broken and searching?

That’s when science spoke up again.

All throughout the Bible, God is described in two ways: God is Light and God is Love. And those two words—light and love—just so happen to be the most powerful forces in the physical world too.

Light, as energy, is the fastest, most potent force we know. It penetrates darkness. It reveals truth. It transforms.

Love, as a frequency, is the most healing, powerful emotion a human can experience. It can change minds, move mountains, and rebuild broken souls.

And in that cell, with nothing but a worn Bible and a thousand questions, I started to wonder—what if this wasn’t about religion at all?

What if it was about energy?

What if God wasn’t some man in the sky watching from a distance, but the very light in my cells, the very love in my heart, the very consciousness I had been running from my whole life?

I was stuck in that cell. No way out. No control. No one to turn to but God—and even that idea still felt foreign to me. But I needed answers. So many questions, screaming all at once. And the only place I had to look for them was that book sitting beside me. The Bible.

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

I’d heard someone call it that once, and it stuck with me. Because suddenly, that’s exactly what it started to feel like—like someone had slipped me a survival guide just in time.

Verses started hitting differently. One after another. Not because I was reading straight through—those days were gone. Now I was flipping, jumping, following a pull I didn’t understand. A verse here. A verse there. And every time I landed on something, it felt like it had been left there just for me.

What was happening to me? Was it that first loud prayer I screamed to the sky? Was it the second one where I begged God to send someone, anyone? Was it the questions I never stopped asking? I didn’t know what had triggered the shift. I just knew something had changed.

The more I read, the more the pieces started clicking together. Some of it still didn’t make sense—but now I wanted to make sense of it. I wanted to understand who God was. What He was. Why He would even listen to someone like me.

And more than anything, I wanted to know: if God is in me…

What am I capable of?