Broken Samuel

In the mean time

“Alex! ... Alex! ... Alexandra!!!”

“eh? ... Lily!” < I lost track of time, sitting in here like a potato bulk, remembering.”

“Are you ok honey?”

“No... I don’t understand Lily.”

“Come on, let’s go. You can tell me know.”

I told her what had happen and she was as lost as I was. Because after all, Sam was sunshine and right then, I saw nothing shining. The most impressive were his eyes. They were empty. There was no emotion or feelings in that look of him. Or maybe there was one: sadness.

“Something must have happen Alex, is like you are talking of somebody else!”

“Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“What about Connor? How was he?”

“Normal I guess... a little tired maybe. I didn’t give him too much attention to be honest.”

“Well, we can ask Alice for help. For sure Connor knows what’s going on and He will tell Alice whatever she asks him!”

“No Lily, I think we should wait... even if I’m still waiting for him, I don’t want to push him.”

“Well, I think you are right but, if a friend is in need our job is to help!”

“Yeah but, you can’t help if they aren’t asking you to help.”

“Mmm... but there must be something you can do Alex... Are you going to leaved it like that?”

“Why not Lily... He didn’t say a word for over 3 months; he didn’t tell me he will come back and I don’t know when he is going to go back to England... So why should I?”

“Mmm ... Maybe because YOU LOVE HIM! You have tormented me all this time with him Alex, so don’t be full of pride now! You have told him that you love him, so why act like you don’t? ”

“I don’t know... is just a hunch. Let’s give him some time. If after a month nothing changes we will do something. How about that?”

“Whatever! I think you are wrong there, but anyway... Are you feeling better now?”

“I little.... can I stay a while in your house?”

“Sure honey, come on.”

The rest of the afternoon and evening Lily and I talk over and over about Samuel and why he came back without notice. After Lily lost her patience because I wouldn’t let her call Alice to make her investigate it for us, she gave up. I had dinner with her and went back home feeling a little better. At home, I went straight to my bedroom. Feeling strange I looked for the mails and text messages.

I didn’t know why, but all this was just my confirmation of something going on in Samuel’s life. After I told him on Christmas that I love him, all contact was lost. He didn’t reply to say at least “merry Christmas”, and I realized today that I was still waiting! What was I waiting!!? Wasn’t clear enough? He didn’t want to talk to me. He didn’t want to be my friend! Why? It doesn’t matter why... Sometimes things happen and that’s it!

Lily was working with her brother for the spring break, so we didn’t see each other that much. Lily and Johnny were still going out and most of her free time was for him. We were always in touch, but not as frequent as before. Sometimes I felt jealous about her relationship, but then I was happy for her too. I spend the spring break at home. I didn’t want to go around and see Samuel again. I was going to start college in September, so I decided to study the student manual. I was going to study Children Psychology, and with the subject’s summary, I started to study the introduction of all the subjects for the first semester. Also played Dofus, watched TV and DVDs, cooked dinners with mom and did all the chores. I was trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think too much in Samuel.

Classes started normally and after classes I went straight home or to the gym to spend a couple of hours killing my frustrations. At home, everything was the same, my mom complaining because one of her coworkers was too young and didn’t assume responsibilities very well. Dad was always shouting at the TV with some sport game on the screen. He was fan of sports, all of them! Alice didn’t come during the week, but she stays with us the whole weekend... most of the time. Even when my life continued normally, there was a thought in my mind. Samuel! He was present every day, at the beginning of each day and before to falling sleep at night. Remembering over and over and asking the same question. Why? Why? Why?

Why couldn’t I have like someone else, like David for example!? Why didn’t he love me? Why I was so afraid to be rejected? He wasn’t the only guy around! There were tons of guys at school! And some of them made it very clear that they wanted to have a date with me. So why I was always acting like I had boyfriend and blocking my options? Maybe right now, I realized, was the time to move on! Samuel with his actions made sure to let me understand that. It was me the one that wasn’t letting him go. Well, he never was mine to begin with!

I promised myself that I would move on. So when David invited me to be his date for Johnny birthday’s party, I said yes. Maybe I could use him to get over the “Sam matter” thing. It’s was middle of May already. The day of the party, in the morning, a group of friend were setting up the place for the night. Lily ask me to help her and I went to help her.