Battle Scars

Save Me

"This is the place that no one sees

I don't like to show

This is the darkness over me

It's just the world I know

Reachin' for the light

Reachin' from inside

Help me tonight"

Save Me by Skillet

~~ ~☆~  ~~

My heart begins to race as I'm led down a long corridor lined with offices. I took a deep breath and stopped in my tracks. "I don't consent!"

Dr. Greene turns and looks at me, "You are fourteen years old. Your grandparents consented for you." He simply stated before nudging me to continue forward. 

"I don't want to see a psychologist." I protested but with Dr. Greene pushing me, my body goes forward. 

"Ms. Kramer,  you need to see one to be cleared from the hospital today."  

A chill went up my spine. I didn't want to be admitted. With a deep sigh, I stopped fighting.

We came to a stop in front of the eighth office door on the left side of the corridor. Dr. Greene knocked sharply, then we waited. And we waited. And we waited. Anxiety began to grip onto my lungs. It was getting harder to breathe. My vision began to blur as tears stung my eyes. 

Suddenly the door swung open to show a very short Dr. Mallory. "Sorry about that, I forgot that the walls and doors are soundproof." She shot Dr. Greene an embarrassed smile before she looked to me. "Oh dear! Where'd you get those?"

"Um... I ..." My throat is dry and it was hard to swallow, "I don't remember. I think I might have fallen." My lie hadn't changed. Consistent stories, gotta keep them straight. 

"Well, we can use a special technique to retrace steps then. I got it from here Dr. Greene." Dr. Mallory looked up to Dr. Greene and smiled. 

He bowed his head towards her then left us. Dr. Mallory extended her hand to take mine and brought me into her office. 

"Please have a seat," She instructed, closing the door. 

I looked around. There was a desk with a wing-back chair and a rocking chair, a couch, and a love-seat. Pretty large office. I thought taking claim to the rocking chair. 

Dr. Mallory smiled and nodded towards me. I smiled shyly back. "Ms. Kramer, is it okay if I call you Jaylyn?" I sheepishly nodded. "Jaylyn, everything we discuss: today and any other time we speak, will not leave this room..." She paused, "Unless it concerns your physical safety and the safety of others." Dr. Mallory took a deep breath, "Not even your parents or grandparents can find out what goes on in this room unless you tell them or it concerns your immediate safety." 

I could feel my body start to shake. No one can know what goes on in this room ran through my mind. I wanted to vomit. Dr. Mallory looked at me, curiously, but I couldn't stop shaking. I was trying to shut down and block everything out. 

"Where ever you went Jaylyn, come back to here." Everything Dr. Mallory was saying felt otherworldly. I felt as though I wasn't in control of my own body. Then I felt something on my shoulder and everything just came crashing back down and to a stop. I looked up to a concerned Dr. Mallory, "Who hurt you?" she inquired softly. 

I felt a lump in my throat. I just stared at Dr. Mallory, and slightly shook my head in protest.

"Jaylyn, the bruises on your jaw and that reaction you just had - those aren't normal."

"I - I know..." I muttered, lowering my head down. Tears escaped and started flooding down. 

"Take your time... Let's start with your home life... Who do you live with?" Dr. Mallory rubbed my back trying to be comforting. 

"Um... I stay with my grandparents most of the time... occasionally with my mom."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No."

"Do you like your room?"

"I guess? It's a room. When I'm at my grandparents."

"What about with your mom?"

I winced, "We move too much, it tends to be just a bed."

"How's school?"

I felt my body run cold. "School is fine," I say in almost a robotic voice, "I get good grades and have two friends: Tobias and Wednesday."

"Very nice. What are you taking? Do you like your teachers?"

"I'm in 10th grade science and math, 11th grade history, and 12th grade English." I rushed through my answers, "I like... most... of my teachers..." 

"Only most?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about your science class."

"Mrs. Finnegan's Chemistry class... I do pretty good in the class."

"Do you get along with your peers? They are a grade higher than you."

"I don't really talk to any of my classmates. I like to work by myself."

"Tell me about your math class."

I froze again, fear gripping me and sucking me down into a dark hole. "I-... I have math with Mr. Allen."

"The teacher who's currently on suspension?"

My throat became scratchy and dry, all I could do was nod.

"This is another sophomore class, do you get along with your classmates?"

I couldn't answer Dr. Mallory. I was losing myself in the darkness. 

"Jaylyn, what's wrong? What happens in Mr. Allen's class that gets you acting like this?"

"I can't tell you!" I yelled, and started to sob. 

After my outburst, Dr. Mallory just rubbed my back in silence. She said she wasn't going to push me any harder today. However, I have another appointment with her the day after tomorrow. She went over to her desk and started scribbling in a notebook. "Jaylyn," she waved me over, "I want you to have this." I eyed her with big puffy eyes as she reached for something. "I'd like to see some filled out by our fifth appointment. That'll be the first appointment in two weeks. I want to see you twice a week for the next some time. I'll let your grandparents know."

I nodded in response, then she handed me a leather bound book. I opened it, and  there was nothing but blank pages inside. "Wha-what do I fill out? It's completely blank?"

"That book is for your personal thoughts, both positive and invasive. Also I want you to write everything that happens during the day. This way, if you get injured again. Maybe we can help remember why."

My body went rigid, "Save me..."

"Jaylyn, the only way I can is if you open up to me." Dr. Mallory looked at me with sorrow filled eyes, "Otherwise, I can't do anything for you."

I hung my head, "I can't..." 

Dr. Mallory just nodded, then she picked up her phone and dialed in some numbers. "Dr. Greene, Ms. Kramer is ready for her results now." With that statement, she hung up the phone and smiled at me. "Let's see if you need a cast shall we?"

~☆~  

After leaving Dr. Mallory's office, and going to see Dr. Greene again, I'm finally being led back out to the waiting room. Where my grandparents waited over three hours for me. I let them talk to Dr. Greene while I got lost in staring at the new cast on my hand. I didn't pick a color - so Dr. Greene opted for white. It takes up from my middle knuckles almost all the way down to my elbow. Apparently two of my metacarpals are broken clean, and a couple of my carpals were fractured. 

My mind drifted to school tomorrow... Henry is going to be super smug about it... Am I really prepared to be bombarded with questions about my hand? Not that any more than four people questioned me about my jaw. 

A hand on my shoulder snapped me out of my thoughts, "C'mon Jaylyn, let's go get your scripts."

I looked up to who touched me, and it was my grandfather. I nodded at him, then followed both my grandparents back out to the car.