Battle Scars

Breathe Me

"Help, I have done it again...

I have been here many times before...

Hurt myself again today...

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

Breathe Me by Sia

~~~☆~~~

Having Mrs. Ruben help me usually wasn't this much of a hassle. I guess she just lost it. It was true that I frequented her office. Quite often actually. I kept my head down as I exited the nurses office. I took a deep breath then bounded up the stairs to my homeroom.

No hall monitors stopped me, usually because during lunch they slack off. The clamor of the cafeteria filled the halls, and clouded my thoughts. I didn't think my visit with Mrs. Ruben took so long, based on the chatter echoing through the school, Juniors were summing up their lunch period. Sophomores were about to be released to lunch then.

Brrinnnggg

Speaking of the devil, as I was reaching for Mr. Tompkin's door knob, the bell rung. Juniors rubbing their full bellies went back to their homerooms while a whole new clamor erupted as sophomores rushed to the cafeteria.

I swung Mr. Tompkin's door wide open. All eyes in the class fell on me. That could be a good thing, but in my case it was a bad thing. Wednesday and Tobias saved me a seat in the back between the two of them. They gaze was filled with concern. Murmurs swept through the body of students while I did the walk of shame up to the annoyed Mr. Tompkin.

"S-s-sorry, sir... I was in the infirmary..." I managed to stammer as I handed the pink sheet, my excusal from Mrs. Ruben, to him.

Mr. Tompkin snatched the note and read it. With a huff, he waved me away from his desk. "Just go sit down."

I happily obliged to his command and scurried off to my seat with Wednesday and Tobias. They both glanced at me and Wednesday mouthed 'Where were you?' It was kinda hard to understand, but I was fairly certain she wasn't mouthing 'Olive juice'. I directed my gaze to her and mouthed 'Tell you later.'

Man, I know for a fact they could tell that I was stressed. My forearms ached, I itched for release of the pain in my jaw and my hand and for this intense stress... but I knew it'd be impossible to ask if I could go to my locker right now.

The feeling of folded paper being pushed into my side brought me out of my thoughts. Really? Are we like...7? I put my palm out towards Tobias to accept his incoming note. I guess his phone was already taken away today.

Tobi: Why are you so late?

I motioned to Tobias for a pencil. He rolled his eyes and handed me a pen. I nodded, then wrote "Thanks for the pen, I was at the nurse's office." I passed the note back. He swiftly, yet quietly, unfolded it. Then he jotted down more.

He passed the note back to me and motioned for me to pass it to Wednesday. I nodded, understanding then turned to pass it to her. Wednesday unfolded the note and read what we both wrote and added her imput. Then she passed it to me, not bothering to fold it up.

Tobi: Why were you in the nurse's office?

Wendy: i***t, don't you see her bruises? BTWs, how'd you get those girl???

I sighed, well of course they noticed the ones on my jaw... but even I didn't notice the gigantic bruise that developed in the center of my hand. I took the pen and scribbled 'Don't want to think about it right now.' Then I passed the note and the pen to Tobias before putting my head on my desk.

Whether they both read it or not, I don't know. I wouldn't move. They poked and prodded against my sides and my thighs. But I wouldn't budge. I know they're my friends... but I couldn't burden them with my troubles. What if they thought I was an attention seeker? That would break me.

Eventually, they grew tired of bugging me. I know they were concerned, but I couldn't open up to them. I did two weeks ago, and Tobias ended up getting a busted lip and a black eye because he confronted Malcolm. Wednesday wasn't in any better shape because she also confronted him. She had two huge bruises, one on her shoulder and one on her side. They were just now finally fading away.

I haven't told them anything since. At least, if they weren't around to witness part of it. Which, because of our class differences, was quite often. Man, keeping my head down was hurting my jaw...

Sometimes I was lucky, because the bell rung. Meaning sophomores were skulking back to homerooms while freshmen were free to bolt to lunch. Not going to lie, lunch and homeroom took up much of the school day. That's okay right? I mean, the day starts real early and that sucks... any who... I waited for the door to be completely shut for a solid three minutes.

Even though Wednesday and Tobias treat me well, they'd never sacrifice their place in line on gravy day. What is gravy day? Well it's the day in school when the cafeteria serves some kind of chicken, with rolls and mashed potatoes and gravy. It was really popular at Hogarth High.

I lifted my head and peered around the room. No one was here. Not even Mr. Tompkin. I breathed in then exhaled heavily. Afterwards, I stood up and left the classroom heading for lunch.

The cafeteria, even though it only held the freshmen right now, was packed. The lines for chicken were the longest. That's okay though, I only have enough for a sandwich and milk. An entire dollar and fifteen cents cheaper than a regular school meal.

My parents didn't fill my lunch card like others do. If they did, they would have to buy a meal plan with the school and it wouldn't run out until it a certain number of days went through. No... instead, they give me a dollar and twenty-five cents for breakfast and lunch. That's okay though.

Going through the lunch line was almost robotic. I had snatched up my PB&J and a white milk and scurried off to the register line. For some ungodly reason, white milk was ten cents cheaper than chocolate. However, I shouldn't complain. It was milk, and technically it was healthier for you to have white milk than chocolate.

I ducked and wove through crowds going from the register to the seating they have available. They always had to put more tables out for when the freshmen come to lunch. I spotted a table in the back, I made a beeline straight to it. After I sat down and got nice and cozy, I noticed Wednesday and Tobias were looking for me. I flagged them down and they eagerly came towards the table I chose.

"Are you gonna explain yourself?" Wednesday said as she sat across from me. She patiently waited for me to swallow the small bite of sandwich I had.

"It was all an accident. I slammed my hand in the locker... and... I'm being sent home by Mrs. Ruben."

Wednesday and Tobias looked at me funny. Like I was a beast from another world. "Are you serious?" Tobias grumbled, "What really happened?"

"I'm telling you the truth." I glared at him. They were still in disbelief. "Look, whether you believe me or not... I have to go get my homework so I can leave." I picked up the empty milk carton and tossed it away in a trashcan. I just left Tobias and Wednesday eating.

Gathering my homework was easy. Especially since everyone was at lunch or homeroom. However, I was running out of time. With books and papers in my good hand, I made my way to Mrs. Ruben's office. I passed by the cafeteria, chatter was calming down as everyone started watching the clock.

The bell didn't ring until I let Mrs. Ruben's door close behind me. She was busy ticking away at her computer. I looked for my stuff, it was moved from her desk to the infirmary bed.

"Your grandparents are on their way, just lay down." She spoke without looking up.

I am trembling because of the waiting anxiety.