The Clingy Fiancee

Chapter One

I had never pampered myself so much in life – spas, massages, haircuts, manicures –something my bitten nails had never needed, pedicures, eating out in lavish restaurants and what not. I even worked from home – or you could say the apartment I had borrowed from a friend of mine who had moved to another country. So far, for the entire month I did anything and everything beneath the sky that I could do to avoid the horrible numbness that seemed to leave me cold all the time.

I wished I could be like those self respecting women, who never found a fault in themselves. At this point of time, I deeply searched for vanity and narcissism in my self – anything that could help me get away from the thoughts and accusations that were growing in my mind.

So far, everything had worked and you could even say that I was enjoying my single status. I flirted back and forth with guys, smiled at everyone and anyone who came by and made sure that I worked for long enough that once I hit the bed, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

Well, all of my carefully laid out plans went down the drain when I received a call from none other than Neil himself.

I had been doing all those things that were keeping my mind occupied, and here he was, perhaps having the time of his life and still finding a way to torture me.

Didn’t he have enough of his fun? It had been so hard for me to open up myself to him; he had worked so hard to break down the walls I had built around me. But for what; something he knew was bound to end someday?

His name kept flashing on my phone, and its vibrating buzz was making my head as well as my heart ache.

A painful pang in my chest made me realize that I was not yet over him and I didn’t want to hear or say something that would break me further.

I picked up the call, pressed the phone to my ear, but didn’t say anything.

“Hey…Myra.” His deep voice came through the phone, and my heart clenched again. It had almost been a month and there wasn’t even a hint of longing in his voice.

I was such an i***t.

“What do you want?” We were not past the point where exes became friends again. Everything might be easy for him but I still was not ready for any kind of casual talk with him.

“You…uh…you left a lot of stuff of yours back at home.” He sounded distracted by something. In the background, I could hear loud booming noises and it wasn’t hard to guess that he had been partying.

I let out a deep breath, away from the phone. My chin quivered with my sudden need to cry, but I didn’t need to show him how hurt I was.

“I told you; you can throw all of them away or just donate it to someone. I don’t need those things.” My voice was curt and steady, but a storm of emotions swirled in my chest.

It was then I hear a female laugh in the background. She shouted with her familiar voice, “Neil! What are you doing there! Come back here, we were having so much fun!”

It was Ananya.

If there was anything left of my heart, now I knew even that blew into thousand different pieces.

“I am not going to throw all of that away!” Neil spoke into the phone, to me, “It’s all yours, tell me where you are- ”

I hung up the phone abruptly.

And then I continued to work as if nothing had happened.

*****************

And then came the moment I received a call from my mother.

And the question she asked before I could think of anything to tell her.

“Myra, why is it that Neil is asking us about your whereabouts?” Her voice was full of concern; probably never in the past seven years had it been that he didn’t know where I was or what I was doing.

“Mumma...”I heaved a breath, “I don’t think this is something you should learn

about over the phone.”

There was a slight pause on the other side, and I could almost hear the disappointment slowly growing inside her as she tried to guess what I was actually saying, “Your tone is worrying me, sweetie. Where are you right now?” She asked.

“I’ve been at Mehak’s house for the past...few days. I’ll come meet you soon,

see you.”

And I hung up, then. That was enough to send me over the edge. The past entire month, I had been successful in avoiding his name and anything related to him. I had even stopped using my social networking sites; they were filled with years and years of pictures with him and I didn’t have the courage to delete them just yet.

Now I was standing in front of the wooden doors of the two-bedroom flat that had been my parent’s home for the past six years. Gathering the courage to even knock the door was a difficult job because on one hand, I knew my mother’s arms would heal all the remaining wounds, but on the other hand, my father would just twist the knife deeper into my injuries.

My father was a peculiar man – as much as his heart warmed at watching his daughter happy and smiling, he also found abundant joy in making me feel worse whenever I had disappointed him in some way.

And this time I surely had been one hell of a disappointment. My father could never have a child as prodigal as Neil Singhania – wonderful, intelligent, charming, well-mannered – so he had to settle for the-much-above-average-but-not-prodigal Myra Bhatt.

It had been disappointing at first, knowing that my father loved my boyfriend more than he loved me, but I had grown to get familiar with it. Now I knew that losing a potential son-in-law in Neil, that too in this way, was definitely going to get his knickers in a twist. I knew that the moment I crossed the threshold would be the moment an epic fight would ensue.

The door opened from the inside, and moments later I stood face to face with my mother. With the way she was looking at me, I still didn’t understand how even after an entire month she didn’t know I was not engaged anymore.

“Myra...” Her sweet voice cocooned me in its comfort, and the next moment I was sobbing in my mother’s shoulder.

Right at that moment, when my tears didn’t seem to stop, I regretted coming here. I was still too weak to confront both my mother and my father, and more than that, I was ashamed of myself.

So, so ashamed. I couldn’t hold onto one good thing I had in life. One good man, who loved me, cared for me, and had once felt so deeply for me; what did I do for him? Suffocated him and drove him away.

“What happened, Myra?” She cooed softly, her body rocking me back and forth, as if I was a baby.

And I did feel like a baby, helpless and crying in my mother’s arms, not really knowing what to do.

“Let her come in and tell us first, will you, Meera?” My father entered the room with a sympathetic look on his face that I was sure would soon change. Perhaps he was thought that it was just a small fight with Neil, which happened often, and everything was going to go back to normal soon.

I was carefully seated down on the sofa as if I was fragile china. I didn’t even know why I was sobbing now – it was probably because I knew whatever was coming up next was going to break my heart more than it already was broken.

My father’s words still had that power over me: they could hurt me more than anything and I hated why I was so weak. I was sixteen when I had promised myself that I would never let other man have that same kind of power over me and here I was, already repenting giving that kind of power to my ex-fiancé.

“It’s not so good, you know,” Papa started with a frown on his face, “both of you fighting like this when your engagement ceremony is just a week away. You both should be together now –”

“There’s no engagement, Papa." I took in a deep breath, remember how everything in my life changed in the matter of only a few minutes, "He called off our engagement a month ago. I thought probably the whole world knew about it by now.” I said, gesturing towards the TV on which I was sure the media was gleaning over his break up and how he was one of the most sought after bachelors, once again.

The gasps from both of them was enough to know that what I had said has shocked them, “No one knows, Myra. There were rumours here and there but we know better than to believe it. Why didn’t you tell this to us before?” Mumma asked.

“I thought you already knew with Neil’s parents and you being constantly in touch.” And I was trying to avoid any type of confrontation with Papa.

“What really happened?” Papa asked, his tone getting slightly impatient as I took my time sobbing before telling what had entirely happened. I didn’t miss a single detail of whatever happened after he started being cold towards me, and the entire time I could see the different emotions ranging on their faces.

By the end of my narration, my mother was sad and sympathetic, but my father was disappointed and furious.

“Here I worked hard and spent my entire life and money doing everything I could to make you an independent woman, and you ruined it all by suffocating that poor boy. Neil is such a good man,” he shook his head at me in disappointment, “and it was a miracle enough that he wanted to marry you. And now you did just the thing I was afraid of.”

My heart shattered – the pieces that I had so desperately tried to join in the past entire month broke again and I knew I would never be able to pick them up again. I felt like I was the eight year old me again, being scolded for something I had never done, only because my father believed my classmate more than he believed me.

What did I do wrong now? I was clingy and sensitive? Well, I was just that for the past ten years, too, but it seemed to bother him only now.

No, no, nothing was my fault. Yet again, I was at fault here for doing something that I had been doing for the past ten years.

“I had always dreamed so big for you, but not even one of my expectations was fulfilled by you properly. I had finally thought that you would at least marry a guy like Neil, but here you are disappointing me again.”

He continued more and more rants like these, and lowly they turned into white noise. I was not listening to him anymore – there was nothing good that was coming out of his mouth anyways – I was just too busy gathering my strength.

I. Couldn’t. Take. It. Anymore.

I was done being an epic disappointment to anyone. I stood up abruptly, knowing full well that it was completely rude of me to do so while my father was still talking. I walked towards the door as quickly as I could, not wanting another fight to destroy whatever little bond I had left with my father.

“Where are you going?” his voice was raised, and his question was harsh and demanding.

“Going back to hell, Papa. It is much better than having you push me lower into the ground while I am at my worst. If I am such a failure to you, then perhaps you should think of adopting another better daughter for yourself since I can’t really do the job well.”

And with that, I closed the door to their house with a loud slam that I was sure

gave some kind of finality to my words.