Intense Desires...

Mother Swear, I Haven't...

Was it something I wanted to do? Was she joking? In the worst possible manner, I wanted to. But, once again, I was going to jump right into something and finish it awkwardly. How I ruined things with Alisha is still fresh in my memory. But it's not the same. This one offered a variety of options. She would, however, be gone on Monday. 4100+ miles away, only letters will be accepted. And, for the time being, traveling to London was a pipe dream. As I pondered what to do, the tiny head instructed the large head what to do, and this became a pattern in my life. And this time, the small head had the heart. I simply looked at her and responded, "Yes."

The magic was shattered as the phone continued to ring.

I stood up to respond. It was Dad, who was on his way to see my mother after the train show with Anoop. He was going to Grandma's for supper, and he wanted to make sure I knew so I could prepare food instead of waiting for them. They'd all return home around 9:00 p.m. If they were going to be late, he'd call. "No problem," I answered as I hung up the phone.

"My father - they won't be home until at least 9:00 p.m.," I told her.

With a large smile on her face, she grabbed the phone and dialled Kamini's number, telling her that instead of coming at 4:00 p.m. with mum, they should come at 8:00 p.m., received confirmation, and hung up the phone. "Show me your room," she added as she turned to face me.

I got up from my seat, took her hand in mine and walked her upstairs to my room. No girl had been here in a long time except Sheetal, because having girls in my room was a no-no with my mother. No one has ever come close to doing this. Thankfully, I kept my room tidy and clean. There are no clothes on the floor or anything like that. But there was one thing I had forgotten: 'Goofy Teddy Bear' was smack dab in the middle of my bed.

My plush animal, 'Goofy Teddy Bear', has been with me since I was six months old. It was some sort of bonus from a bank that my parents used. Yamini looked around the room and noticed my photos with some of India's greatest cricketers, including Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, Sourav Ganguly, and my personal favourite, VVS Laxman. Many different automobile and motorcycle models, as well as a replica of the warship INS Vikrant and a large poster of Titanic star Kate Winslet. My favourite photo is with India's rocket scientist, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam (fondly called Missile Man of India).

"A stuffed Teddy Bear?" she said, chuckling as she gazed at the bed. "Seriously?”

“Yeah! That's something I've had for a long time. I don't sleep with it, but he does spend the day in my bed."

I thought that could have ruined the mood.

"Wow, that's adorable!"

I shut the door even though no one was home. I then drew the shade down almost all the way. As it was still pouring, there wasn't much light, but the odd flash of lightning projected an eerie glow into the room. Because my standing light had a dimmer control, I turned it halfway on. Even though she had started it, I was a little hesitant. I was both certain and uncertain. It was a dream come true for me, but I was terrified I'd mess it up. That I'd sabotage the occasion. She wasn't going to like it.

Let me now take you inside a sixteen-year-old's head. In such a setting, what's going on?

Contraception is a method of birth control. I didn't have any condoms and had no idea where I might acquire any because the nearest drug shop was a few miles away. I wasn't sure they'd sell them to me even then. I assumed that children could purchase them, but I had never done so. A million thoughts ran through my head.

I must have had a hazy expression on my face. Yamini walked over to me, grabbed my hands in hers, and softly kissed me on the lips without saying anything. She sat on the edge of the bed after a brief but exhilarating kiss. I was about to say something when she put her finger to my lips and said gently and shyly.

"Aside from kissing, I've never done much. I did let one boy touch me on my clothing once. Of course, I've seen males naked in the sauna, but I've never seen anything more. I've had some feelings for the lads, as well as some strange physical reactions, but I've never been with a boy to that level, you know? I visited my host mother's room today and took one of her pills (birth control). My mother warned me not to trust men because they would get me pregnant if I started experimenting, and she didn't believe they could be trusted to be responsible. I'm frightened and shaking, but I'm confident that this is something I want to accomplish. Will you please make love to me?" She grabbed my collar and asked.

How could I possibly say no to that? But I was so eager that I believed my jeans were going to rip. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to make it worthwhile for her. Two Saturdays with Alisha made up my whole experience, which was incomplete. And I've boasted to Yamini about how I've been with an older lady and have done all that's expected of me (Mother swear, I haven't). Now it was up to me to take command. With a sweet little girl who was counting on me to make her first time a memorable one. What if I let her down? What if it all went wrong? A thousand images flashed over my head. Many of them are awful, but a select number are exceptional. And what should I say? I couldn't afford to be late since she was waiting for me.

All I said was "Yamini..."

I grabbed her hands in mine and helped her to her feet. I drew her into a close embrace. I was sure she could feel my hand on her leg. She wrapped her arms around me and embraced me passionately. But I sensed her averting her gaze from the bulge in my trousers. I chalked it up to nerves and inexperience but hoped it wasn't a hint of hesitancy or fear that may sway her decision.

If that happened, I would honour her wishes. I comprehended that "no" means "no." I'd simply go easy on it and see what happens. There was no urgency because we had a long time until she was taken up.

I ran my hands down her back, rubbing against the soft fuzzy fabric of her clothing. I was shocked she wore it on such a hot day, but then I realised it made sense with the air conditioning on in the home. Come to think of it, I was also wearing long sleeves. She drew back slightly, making only the tiniest touch between her tiny, firm breasts and mine, and looked me in the eyes.

I understood exactly what she wanted and pressed my lips to hers. Our tongues met for the first time when she sighed softly and opened her lips. It felt like I had been struck by lightning. A flash of lightning and a crash of thunder flooded the room with a yellowish hue, and the glass was shattered. Our tongues twirled around one another, and our bodies melted into one. She wasn't backing away from me anymore, and the closeness was driving me insane. This is the first time I've ever felt like this (Incredible).

I let my hands fall on her buttocks and drew her closer to me. Things were moving correctly, and I was careful not to move too much and destroy everything and humiliate myself. Our kisses became increasingly passionate, even desperate. Mouths and tongues brushed up against one other with vigour. Her hands also made their way to my body. I was near to heaven with her body fitted to mine. I slid one hand to her hip, then up her side, just touching the side of her breast with the other. And….

The doorbell rang...