If only

chapter 14

I arrived late.

School had already resumed.

It was break time 12:30pm and the compound buzzed like nothing had changed.

I walked in wearing house clothes.

I didn’t think it would matter.

But of course… Mr. Ogunnaike noticed.

He stepped into the class, eyes sweeping the room, then landed on me.

“Why are you in house clothes?”

I didn’t answer.

What was I supposed to say?

That I barely made it here? That my mind was still buried in things too heavy to carry into school corridors?

“I’ve marked you absent,” he continued.

“And I won’t change it. You can’t come to school like this and expect exceptions.”

I just stared at him.

This baba has started again, I thought.

Always ready to make noise about the smallest things.

I didn’t bother replying.

I let the moment pass like all things do.

School carried on.

Assignments. Bells. Noise.

And then, the hostel.

In the afternoon, me, the hostel mistress, and Mariam went out.

Nothing serious. Just errands.

But when we returned, the air was different.

Azizat ran up to Mariam, breathless.

“They fought,” she told us buh they said we were backbiting cause Azizaxt told us what happened

My heart dropped.

Backbiting?

Me?

Suddenly, there was shouting.

Voices everywhere.

Accusations. Defensiveness. Noise.

And when the dust finally settled, everyone started speaking.

Not to make peace but to pour out every grudge, every hidden sting.

Khalid and Mustopha went first.

“You always send people away from where you are,” they said.

Emma added, “You insult me a lot. You act like you don’t care how you talk.”

Mariam and Tomi said nothing.

Just watched.

Then came Oyin.

She didn’t hesitate.

She looked at me, voice clear, and said:

“You don’t use your senses.”

The room went still for a second.

Then… they all burst out laughing.

Loud. Wild. Unbothered.

I didn’t laugh.

I didn’t cry.

I just sat there.

Frozen in the middle of a room that suddenly felt too loud, too hot, too familiar.

Because that’s the thing

People love to point fingers at you when they don’t understand your silence.

I said nothing.

Just tucked the words somewhere deep, behind all the other ones I never answered.

Sometimes, the loudest survival is staying quiet even when the world is laughing at you.