Love's Journey

Chapter 2

Preface When seeking a relationship with the intention of getting married and having a family, the church encourages that you should not be unequally yoked. The church believes that when individuals have different beliefs as it’s relates to their spirituality, the possibility of increased problems within the relationship/marriage is much greater than if they had similar beliefs. A relationship begins with friendship which is the quality or state of being friendly; a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association, while love is a strong feeling of affection, a great interest and pleasure in something or feel deep affection or s****l love for someone.

In a close relationship, differences between the self and the other are erased; through self-disclosure and extensive interaction. This way, mental representations of self and other are linked into a single unit, and partners become cognitively interdependent. This allows one gets to know the other person's inner life, every aspect of the other person's life is known to the other persons, the reasons behind the other person's behaviors and preferences and understands what influences the other person's behavior. I believe that the bible statement of not being unequally yoked can be used to emphasize that friends could predict better than insiders (partners themselves) whether the partner's relationship will last. This is due to disclosures about the relationship from insiders to outsiders.

Through processes of interdependence, the partner becomes linked to friends the self-concept. The partner is part of the self, attributions of the partner's behaviors are also biased in a self-serving way; positive behaviors are inflated in significance and attributed to inner qualities, whereas negative behaviors are minimized and attributed are term as situational causes.

The attachment or commitment stage is love for the duration. It gives a physical sense of a connection to the beloved, and loss of that person invokes deep sadness and grief. This stage of love has to be strong enough to withstand many problems and distractions. Studies by University of Minnesota have shown that the more we idealize the one we love, the stronger the relationship during the attachment stage.

Intimacy is a close positive emotional bond that includes understanding and support, and it is a critical part of a relationship. It is enhanced by interactions that involve self-disclosure, which is responded to with acceptance; Bowlby (1969) suggested the link of intimacy has an evolutionary basis which is an innate system. This binds people emotionally to our specific other, by leading them to feel good when contact is made, and to feel anxious or distressed when apart. Intimate feelings are deeply linked with positive emotions of warmth, connectedness, and caring, and are so important to human needs that this is the most central reward of close relationships.

With intimacy, people are attracted to physically beautiful people though beauty and attractiveness differs among persons and cultures. Apart from the person’s physical attractiveness, the personality and characteristics of the person also contributes to their attractiveness. The importance of physical attractiveness differs for men and women with high and low self-monitor personalities.

Similarity leads to attraction because with tend to interact with persons similar to ourselves and we believe others similar to ourselves like us. Persons with similarities as us validate our beliefs and attitudes and liking and interaction influences each other.