Ruin My Life

Locked Eyes

My life started to really change after Derek and I broke up, for the first time anyways. I did even more drugs, drank more, and eventually we’d get back together, fight, and break up again. I was fine with it though, I liked the attention that it gave me when he wanted to get back together. I had no problem robbing him of his emotions, or his alcohol. I showed up to work after school one day completely forgetting the fact that my managers had quit and moved on somewhere else. Or they could have gotten fired, that part has never been too clear to me. Oddly enough this is where the story begins. This is how one man ruined my life and I have never been the same since.

I pull into the parking lot and put my purple jeep in park. As I get out I smell the sweet summer smell lingering within the trees behind the beaten down wooden fence. I walk to the back door, it’s unlocked as usual. I open it and it closes behind me, I’m in the dry storage area in the back of the resturaunt as I walk I get totally blind sided that Kay and Alec are not here, but instead there’s two different managers; and guy and one girl. I check my phone to see if Derek has messaged me “I love you” he says. I type back “I love you too, see you soon”

I look up from my phone to see this new manager guy holding a pan of beef, and as he turns to look at me it feels like I’ve been bulldozed by a truck. His dark eyes were staring straight into my soul. His build is lean with strong arms. Long legs, he must be standing at least six feet tall. I don’t know how long we were staring at each other, but I feel light headed and my heart is fluttering. I’ve never experienced this kind of feeling before. After I catch my breath, I basically run to the clock in sheet, type in my code and immediately turn the corner to do the dishes. I don’t know what that was, but that was super weird. “Um hi, I’m Bradly” I turn around to see the tall man that I just spent twenty seconds of my life staring at right behind me. I can feel my face get hot and I look back down at the dishes. “I’m Jessica” I respond back to him keeping my head low and my voice quiet. “There’s a front” he says pointing to the front counter. There was a gentleman waiting for me to take his order. I dry my hands off and head over there.

Later that night Derek and I snuck out and smoked a little weed and drank. We made out in his truck and drove around aimlessly. Same s**t just a different day, but God did I love it. I loved the feeling of the freedom I felt when I was with Derek. He didn’t care what I did when I did it. I could do anything I wanted in front of him and he just didn’t care. There was something about it that made me care a little less about life and a little more about dying. Sometimes I thought about dying, what it would be like, how it would feel, how it would happen.

The next day I went to school, Derek and I went to separate schools he lived in Duvall and I lived in Carnation, they weren’t far from each other but far enough. When first period ended I went into the bathroom stall and did dabs. When I figured I was high enough I went to second period. “Don’t look so thrilled to be here” f**k…. I literally just sat down. I turn to look at who just said that. Chad had the biggest smile on his face laughing at himself. Sometimes I just think to myself How can someone possibly be so manipulating, I mean honestly. “Hi chad” I roll my eyes in response of his stupidity. Seconds later I get a notification on my phone, of course its chad. “Tonight?” I knew what that meant. He wanted a good time nude session, I don’t know how many times I’ve told him that I’m with someone now. Sure we use to have a thing, but that was before I met Derek and dropped Chad like a bag of rocks. I read his message one last time and left him on read. I didn’t even turn to see his reaction because honestly, I don’t even care.

Second period ended and third period began, and to be frank the rest of the day was a complete blur. I came home later that day got ready for work, but first I needed coffee and a toke of weed. When I got to the City Brew drive thru I ordered a black coffee, I love the feeling of the warmth it gives me, especially when I add a little whiskey to it.

“Are you f*****g high?” s**t… “um, no why?” play dumb I tell myself. I could tell Bradly was upset with me. Usually I wouldn’t care what anyone said or if anyone was mad that I was drunk or high, but there’s something about the way he’s looking at me. My breath is caught in my throat “I uh, I’m sorry” I basically choked on my words as they were coming out. “Don’t do it again.” There was something about the tone in his voice, there was so much authority, something in me told me to tell not to tell me what to do. After all he’s not my father, but there was another part of me. Telling me to stop doing drugs and drinking but lets be real; what else am I going to do if I don’t have my head in the clouds?