The Ugly Side of Desire

Snapped Back to Reality

So after firing off a very scathing email to Christian I had to contemplate what was happening here. Adam was absolutely fantastic, and I like him a lot. Am I really going to miss the opportunity to have him in my life just because he is polyamorous?  

The following is me arguing with myself:

Slow your roll girlfriend, if you are considering Adam as a viable option why is Dwayne out of the question then?! He was funny, sweet, nerdy too! 

Yeah, but he doesn't have the same values...

 He just is more up front with his s****l needs. And how is that any different from Adam? You only like Adam because you can't have him. 

Dwayne only wants to "wreck" me, he doesn't have actual feelings for me.

 And Adam does?! Where is your proof?

The fact that he sacrifices sleep to get to know me.

That's pretty flimsy evidence.

Why do you like Dwayne so much?

Because he's real and he's genuinely interested in you.

Interesting in tying me up, dominating me and then moving on to the next girl in the harem.

Don't act like you wouldn't enjoy every second of it.

Shut up! It's degrading.

If you were so put off by  the thought, why do you still chat with Dwayne?

Because I am bored and lonely.

Is that all? You're not just keeping your options open in case you don't attract any "better offers?"

You really make me sound like an opportunistic slut, you know.

Your words, not mine.

The argument continued on to the wee hours of the morning. I had to get out of my own head.

Christian should have seen my email and responded by now.  Well he can't avoid me forever, we have a call scheduled to talk about his novel. So hopefully I can get to the bottom of this cluster.

 At the pre-appointed time, I called Christian.

"Hello,  how's the Mouse?" said a cheerful Chris.

"'How's the Mouse?' That is how you great me after my email?" I asked with an irritated tone.

"I am going to be honest, I haven't checked my email yet today," said Chris.

"You weren't avoiding me then?" I asked feeling bad.

"No, should I be?" Chris asked concern in his voice.

"Well, that all depends, on how you answer my next question," I said in a menacing tone.

"What is going on?!" asked Chris.

"I had the most uncomfortable and humiliating conversation with Adam last night. Do you know where I am going with this, yet?" I asked.

"No, what are you talking about?" said Chris.

"Were you  or were you not aware that Adam is currently in a polyamorous relationship when you set us up, because he said that you were well aware of his relationship status. So, what the hell, Chris?! Why would you want to hurt me like that?!" I cried.

There was a long awkward pause.

"Mouse, I am so sorry. I completely forgot. I have a hard enough time keeping up on the details of my own life, it simply slipped my mind. I honestly thought he's ended that relationship a while back. I was not trying to hurt you, quite the opposite really," said Chris in an earnest tone.

"Well I did get hurt. He is so fantastic. He is perfect for me, Chris. I still want to be his friend, but the more I interact with him, the more I want him in my life but as more than a friend. I don't think I have the energy or juice to steal him and make him mine and mine alone," I said dejectedly.

"Whatever. You can do whatever you set your mind to, and I will help you," said Chris.

"What?! You are going to help me steal Adam?!" I said shocked.

"Why not? Then I can claim it was my intention all along to get him out of a dysfunctional relationship," said Chris with laughter in his tone,

That is when I crossed the point of no return. This is either going to be great or it is going to backfire and end very badly for everyone.

What's a girl got to do to steal a man from another woman that has 8 other lovers?

This is going to be what is known in the confidence game as "the long con." I am going to have to gain his trust, and create the circumstances where he gets everything from me that she is not giving him that he needs. I have to be there when he needs anything that he could possibly need, And I have to do it all without complaint and with such optimistic enthusiasm that you would think I could cure cancer.

So the plan was hatched and put in to motion to win Adam over and make him mine. It was not going to be easy, but the feelings I had were telling me that it was going to be worth it.

I reached out to Adam later and made small talk as if the prior night never happened. I made efforts to never bring up the past or the present relationship. I just focused on him. What does he like, dislike, can't live without, etc. And the crazy part was how much we had in common and what similar creatures we were. He truly is the yin to my yang. I didn't have to be anything other than myself with him. I was 100% honest with him about everything, especially the small stuff. I insisted upon complete transparency, but if something was uncomfortable we could table the topic for future discussions. 

Mind you this was all just texting over Messenger. Every time I asked to speak with him, he declined.

I had a few instances when my crazy fangirl started to creep up to the surface, and I thought that I had blown it with Adam. I would call Christian and beg him to help with the damage control, but usually damage control was unnecessary. Adam was more chill and relaxed than a Zen Buddhist monk, and I could trust that what he said was the truth. 

So when I told him that he was my favorite person after 11 days in a row of chatting, and he answered back that he felt the same, I was on cloud freaking nine! 

I called Christian to brag.

"Mouse, I am impressed and jealous. You've managed to get him to talk to you for 11 consecutive days?! That is unheard of for him, and I used to live with the guy! I am lucky if I hear from him 1-2 times every other week. Very impressive in deed," said Chris.

"Really?! Do you think maybe since he isn't used to this that maybe I am smothering him?" I asked.

"He will tell you when you've overstepped. And you can trust that Adam means what he says. Just keep things chill,  calm, and go at his pace, this is the tortoise and the hare except this tortoise is rivaling the sloths and you, my dear friend, no offense intended, happen to be a hare hopped up on speed. You have got to stay at his pace. So everything that you want to do, wait until he's ready, and he'll let you know," said Chris.

"Ah, yeah easy for you to say! " I lamented. I used to be a very patient person, but I think that I used up all my reserves on Jensen over the years.