The Ugly Side of Desire

And in the beginning...

It was just another sad and lonely Valentine's Day, which us single and painfully unattached women call "Singles Awareness Day." We call it that because of how acutely aware you become that you are single and unattached. I had nothing going on at all. I had been living at home again after rage quitting and dropping out of college. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my experiences at the university, it just seemed like they were more about making money than actually educating people and preparing them to be functional members of society. But I digress. 

So, in my desperation I took advantage of E-Harmony's Free Valentine's Weekend Special. I created my profile and waited to check out my matches. And I didn't need E-Harmony to tell me that there were no matches in my immediate area, I already knew that there was no one in this sleepy little town for me, there never was. Even in High School it was slim pickings, especially if you had any kind of standards.

I had a few matches that were with in 500 miles, but they didn't return my likes or flirts. I was about to give up, but then the free trial was about to expire and one of my matches finally responded. So I coughed up the membership fee for the next six months, so he and I could chat and see where things would go. 

So after three or four exchanges, let's call him Mr. Perfect decided to tell me that he didn't wish to pursue things further because and I quote, "You don't seem to have high enough standards for me." That was pretty devastating for me. Most my life guys would try to get me to compromise my standards, they complained that they were too high. So that was a bit of a blow to my ego. So after a few days I got a message from Jensen Schultz of Corpus Christi, Texas. I took one look at were Corpus Christi was on the map and the distance from there to Montana. 

"Oh no way in hell," I said out loud as I declined his offer to chat.

The reason for declining, the distance is just too much to overcome.

Looking back now, I wish I would have obeyed my first impulse and ignored him after that.

But he was persistent, he spent the next three days asking me to give him a chance. He was only a 70% match. I should have held out for something in the 90s, but then again "Mr. Perfect" was a 98% match and he rejected me. Why not give Mr. Texan a shot? Do those percentages really mean anything? If my parents whom when compared to each other a as different as night and day can have 7 kids and make it work, why can't I give someone that is genuinely interested in me a chance. I should not be allowed to reason with myself. I make really poor decisions.

So I cave and start chatting with Mr. Schultz. We had more in common than being sad, desperate and lonely. We liked a lot of the same music, shows, movies. We chatted back and forth through E-Harmony for three days before he got bold and asked for my phone number. But I said he had to give me his first. So he sent me his number and I called him. We spent the next 6 hours talking to each other on the phone.

He should have been sleeping but he stayed up all night and talked to me then turned around and when and worked 16 hours merchandizing for Coca-Cola. We were chatting for about two weeks before he decided he wanted to come and meet me in person. We looked at the calendar and planned for when he could come up to Montana to meet me. He couldn't get time off until May. It was the beginning of March. So we both decided that we would cancel our memberships with E-Harmony and cite the reason that we found someone, they were nice and refunded our money!

Jensen and I continued to talk to each other everyday. Finally the day arrived for us to meet in person. I had my sister in law drive me to Helena to pick him up from the airport. He looked nothing like his photo on E-Harmony, he was much more attractive and sans mullet in person. When  we got back to our town I introduced him to my parents, my brother and my grandparents. We all went out to eat at my favorite restaurant Fiesta En Jalisco. So my first date with Jensen also included my parents, my brother and his wife and their daughter. He should have hit the eject button, but he didn't. 

We had already shared out first kiss in my sister in law's car on the way back from the airport. It was very nice and it kind of started a chain reaction that couldn't be stopped once it was set in motion. I showed him a round. And the weather was unseasonably nice. I told him, don't be fooled, it is never like this, it is cold and wet and nasty. Don't be fooled by this nice weather. But he insisted on moving to Montana and getting established until we could get married. The day before he had to return to Texas there was a massive rain storm. We were walking from my parents' house to my brother's house about a block and a half away when Jensen proposed to me in the rain. I of course said yes and squealed with delight and ran the rest of the way to tell my sister in law my news. Then we all went out to Denny's for our engagement breakfast the next morning with the family.

I was very sad to put him on the plane and send him back to Texas, but he had to go work through the Summer for his contract with coke, plus he had to try to find a buyer or a renter for his trailer in Corpus Christi. He couldn't just stay because I wanted him to.

So we planned that at the end of the Summer that I would fly down to Corpus Christi, meet his family and move him up here by packing up his car and driving up. I worked a second job at a different nursing home just to pay for my plane ticket.

 When I went down to Texas, I should have heeded the warning signs. He had done nothing to prepare for the move. Little did I know he was banking on the bet that I would fall in love with Texas and want to stay. I told him that wasn't happening, I about died from heat exhaustion and the humidity the moment I stepped off the plane. 

After he picked me up he asked me what I wanted to do. I said that I was starving and I was promised there would be Jack In The Box. I had fallen in love with Jack in the Box when I lived in the Seattle Metro Area. So he drove to the nearest Jack in the Box. I ordered my favorite meal that they serve 24/7, the ultimate bacon double cheese burger with curly fries an order of mozzarella sticks, egg rolls and a cherry coke. He was absolutely astounded that 1) I could eat that much, 2) I drank coke before noon and 3) that I wanted that at 7 AM. Should have called it off then... I didn't need that negativity in my life.