The First Time

18. Hard times

Debbie's POV

No matter how much i forced myself to sleep properly for these past few nights, it went futile. I did completely unnecessary things during the day -like learning how to bake new stuffs on YouTube and the previous day I went all out to make doughnuts and meat pie for everyone in the house- just to keep my self busy and exhausted that i would have no choice but to fall asleep in the night. Sadly, nothing worked no matter what. The thought of him cutting off whatever we just started building kept haunting me and the ache in chest just wasn't going away.

Groaning loudly, i stood up from my crumpled bed that i haven't made in five days and slipped my feet into the tiny, comfy flip flops right beside my bed.

I took a quick glance around my room and sighed. The laundry i was supposed to do days ago were still laying out there unwashed and smelly.

Heartbreak was being mean to me now. And I was it's b***h.

Dragging my feet to the bathroom, i stripped off my clothes slowly, feeling my eyes burning for 'no reason' and then I climbed into the bath tub and filled it with scented soap.

Sighing, I closed my eyes letting a tear roll down my cheek. I just missed him so much.

I missed how happy and lucky I felt when he was talking to me. I missed his deep manly voice. Missed how he looked at me like I was the only creature left in the world.

I groaned when half of the length of my braids was inside the water as i forgot to put it in a bonnet before climbing in the bathtub. I had been so distracted these past days and I just kept praying to get over him finally. so I can be free and back to my old self before my mum starts suspecting that something is wrong. And I know if she ends up asking me, I'd burst into tears.

Feeling sick to my stomach, another tear rolled down my cheek.

He wanted me gone because apparently, he felt i was not in his league. I mean what did i expect? it was not his fault. With how carried away i was with everything and the strange feelings growing in me, i ignored the fact that it was all too good to be true and life certainly didn't work that way.

My feelings for him escalated too quickly and It just hurts so much that somedays i would almost dial his number, ignoring the warning bells in my head telling me he specifically told me not to call him anymore.

Most nights, i would just stay up, thinking about the main reasons behind the text message or maybe he sent it in a drunken state. But if it was that, he would have tried to reach out since all these days. Why would he just say he's not good for me. In what way does him not talking to me partake to him doing the right thing for me? That question was always ringing in my head and I had no clue on how to figure it out.

He just didn't know how bad and insecure I felt reading that text and how much i miss him.

That was how it was for me every night and then i would sleep off with a slight ache in my chest knowing that i was going to wake up the next day knowing that we were done. Forever. No chance at all.

Men like him don't usually go for young, lower classed, in- experienced girls like me. It was not a new thing and even though it seemed as if it was the most difficult thing in the world for me to do, i was going to get over him and next time, i would know my place to avoid getting hurt again.

SHARON'S POV

I scrolled through the few messages I left for my brother that he kept on ignoring for the past three hours.

It all read delivered, meaning he got the notification and only decided not to reply my text.

What was I supposed to do now because I was f*****g worried. What if something happened to him?

I kept checking the time like I had been doing for hours and it read 12:55am. It was only a few minutes left to 1 am and my dear brother wasn't back from work yet.

Sighing and dialing his number not caring how it had gone futile the last ten times, I placed my phone on my ears, and listened to it ring over and over again till it went straight to voicemail.

It was quite unusual for him to stay back at work until this time and since I've known my brother, he had been the responsible type. The Timini I grew up with would never stay out this late purposefully. Yes, he comes back home late most times when he's caught up with work but never this late. And now he wasn't picking up his calls, how inconsiderate could he be?

Standing up, I began pacing the room as waves of fear washed over me.

What if he was hurt? or he got into an accident?

Whimpering at disturbing images that suddenly flashed through my head, I rushed up the stairs to my room. Rummaging through my clothes in the closet, I changed into a jeans and top and charged down the stairs with blood coursing through my ears.

I was about to dial my mum's number when I heard the front gate open and and a car drove in slowly.

My heart did a quick flip-flop and i opened up the curtain and watched as the new gate man my brother employed immediately after the former opened the gate for his black sleek car to enter.

The fear I felt left me immediately and wave of relief washed over me. Then I remembered how worried I was and the pent up anger from before came rushing in.

Opening up the front door so hard that the back hit the wall, I stormed out to meet him, fire practically fuming out of my ears.

He opened the door to his car and climbed out slowly, already staring at me with sorry and guilt written all over his face.

"Where were you brother Luke? I have been waiting for hours and I called and texted you countless times, nothing. Not even a "I'm fine, I'm working late" from you. Do you know how worried I was?"

I felt my voice and body shaking as I literally screamed in his face. I knew i was being super rude right now but I didn't give two f***s at the moment.

He was about to reply but then paused and then sighed, his hands moving to his work pants pocket as he patted the two sides and the back of it, searching for something.

"s**t!" He cursed lowly and hung his head low.

Taking a few shaky steps closer to me,

I caught a whiff of alcohol mixed with his cologne making me squint my eyes in confusion. He had been drinking? I thought he was working all night.

"Are you drunk?!" I spat out.

"Drunk? no I'm not. okay. Maybe a bit but trust me I did not drink too much."

"Yes I know but you drank still. I thought you were at work. WORKING!!"

"Yes I was." He sighed deeply placing his right palm at the small of my back trying to guide me back towards the house. "Can we talk about this inside? it's quite late to be shouting outside by this time ."

Scoffing, " It's quite late to be shouting? I thought you knew better when you were out drinking till 1am in the morning. 1am brother Luke!! you left me here all alone, waiting for you to come back home. I was so worried that I was about to call mum and dad before your car came in. I even dressed up, I was even on my way to your company this morning. Do you know how worried I was?"

I said, fuming and trying my hardest not to cry. Does he have an idea on how much he scared me?

He suddenly let out a growl of annoyance that froze me. I watched his muscles tense and he balled his fingers into a fist.

Gone was the sorry look on his face as he now faced me with his eyes narrowed and teeth clenched together.

'W... what is wrong?' I asked, hating myself from stammering. What did I say wrong?

'You were on your way to the company by this time?! do you know how dangerous and stupid that is?'

Folding my arms to prove to him I wasn't scared, I Scoffed. 'If you didn't want me doing that, then why didn't you respond to your texts??'

He looked me square in the eye, his breathing shallow till they returned back to normal. Then he sighed deeply and nodded. 'Yes, I f****d up really bad and am really sorry I made you worried. But next time this happens again, I need you to understand that you can't leave home by this time ever again because it's not safe Sharon. it's not. And I would never forgive myself if something happens to you.'

His eyes shone with genuine fear and desperation for me to understand him and tears burned my eyes. I nodded my head even though I wasn't sure I was going to be able to sit down and do nothing if something like this happened again.

He nodded back and sighed. "I got so carried away that I forgot I wasn't with my phone and I am really sorry and I promise this isn't going to ever repeat itself again okay?.'

'Okay.' I muttered, looking up at him with puppy eyes.

He gave me a small smile and pinched my cheek playfully. 'I made my mummy worried. Sorry "mummy Timini".'

Gagging dramatically, I smacked his right bicep. 'No, don't ever call me that ew.'

His deep laugh filled the air and I was so thankful God brought him back home safely and all the horrible things I thought didn't happen.

'Maybe I won't if you don't yell at me like you did minutes ago, you were scary.' He faked a shiver.

Scoffing, I felt proud of myself a tiny bit for finally scaring my big brother.

'But you know you still have a lot of explaining to do. It is unlike you to stay out so late drinking. What's really wrong? '

He looked away from me for some seconds, back to clenching his teeth then after a while, I watched him swallow and he grabbed the both sides of my shoulder.

'We need to talk. Tonight! I.. I made a really Terrible decision some days ago and I'm going crazy just thinking about it.'

My eyebrows raised as questions after question kept popping up in my head. I saw the vulnerability and fear in his eyes as those words left his mouth. He looked so big and scary but the expression on his face was like that of a baby's. I almost laughed but I didn't think he would find that funny at the moment.

Clearing my throat, 'Y– you know I'm always here for you no matter what. come on, let's go inside so you can spill it out.'

He nodded and exhaled deeply. 'Come on, let's do just that.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------