PIRATIANS BEGONE

Chapter 50

Two answers in one breath.

"It is very polite of you," I said, "to disclaim the honor and each onegive it to the other, but, seriously, is there no head?"

"Why, no," answered Lime; "we never think of such a thing, and yetyou must admit that things run smoothly without it."

"I will then try again, if you please," I said. "Which of you is thebread-winner?"

To which Denim replied:

"That question is hardly appropriate, for you know we do not work forour daily bread. The bread would come anyway, whether we worked ornot; but then, as a matter of fact, every one does work at some usefuloccupation, because we have found out by long experience that it is muchbetter for us than idleness. If you reply that you have not seen us workwhile you have been here, I will say that our time is considered to bewell employed if we can be learning anything or imparting knowledge toothers, as this is supposed to add indirectly to the general well-beingof society. But perhaps what you want to know is which of us does themore to benefit the world, and even this would be a difficult questionto answer. Lime creates, we will say, an elaborate design for anoble cathedral, and as he watches its fair proportions rise under thehands of skilled men, who take an equal pride and satisfaction in theirwork, his heart is made glad by the thought that for many years after hehas left the body the structure will be used as a place for teaching theway of life, with its graceful spires pointing men to heaven. While I,perhaps--"

"Let me tell that part," interrupted Lime. "While Denim, with justas strong a feeling of responsibility for a share of the world's work,composes a beautiful song and writes the music for it, and then sings itbefore a vast audience, while the phonograph catches it and holds it forfuture generations. Is she not doing as much as I am toward earning thebread for the family?"

"It certainly cannot be denied," I answered. "But what I want to findout is, to use a homely expression common with us, which of you twoholds the reins in this home?"

"Well," replied Lime, laughing, "that is a figure of speech which isnot employed here, for we use no reins of any kind; but I know what youmean, and I will answer you by saying that we each hold one rein, and inthat way drive as steadily as if we were one person."

"But when disputes arise, which one gives in?"

"Disputes never arise, and if they did we would both 'give in,' whateverthat expression means."

"If not your wills, do not your wishes or inclinations sometimes opposeeach other?"

"Why, no," Lime answered quickly. "It is impossible, and for thisreason: each one of us is so intent on trying to please the other thatwe are saved from all temptation to selfishness, which is the root andsource of all differences."

While I was considering what next to ask, the doctor broke in with:

"I think my companion will be obliged to discontinue his questionsand accept the truth that here we have found an ideal household, wherehusband and wife are in reality equal. Let me ask if the women, all overthis happy world, are treated with as much consideration as in the casebefore us."

"Why, what a funny question," exclaimed Denim, before Lime couldspeak. "Why don't you ask if, all over this happy world, we treat ourmen with consideration and respect? But, to save you the trouble ofasking, I will say that, all over this happy world, a man is held inas high esteem and is as tenderly cared for as a woman, every bit. Yourwords, Doctor, remind me that I have several times wanted to speak toyou about a certain manner which you and your friend have exhibitedtoward me. No one could accuse you of disrespect to Lime; indeed, Ithink your carriage toward him is excellent, but with me you seem to bea little strained, and your manner is a trifle effusive. Pardon mefor the criticism. I know your action is well meant, although it issomething I am not accustomed to."

"I suppose," said the doctor, "you refer to our feeble and, it appears,stupid efforts to be polite."

"Oh, then I ought to feel complimented instead of finding fault withyou. But why should you wish to be more respectful to me than toLime? He is more worthy your regard than I am, and has as manyrights in this house as I have, exactly."

"We have been taught to pay an extra deference to women," answered thedoctor.

"Why?" asked Denim. "Because they are superior beings?"

"Hardly that, I think."

"Then it must be because they are considered inferior, and you seek tohide your real feeling, which is one of commiseration, by a false showof politeness."

"That sounds harsh," said the doctor, "and I believe you are notcorrect."

"Oh, I do not mean to criticise you personally," Denim made hasteto say, "but the system. It seems to me that you, Doctor, try to besincere; and assuming that to be so, let me ask you why you aremore ceremonious in your manner to your neighbor's wife than to yourneighbor's husband."

"Well, let me see. Why do I instinctively make a special show of respectin meeting a woman? I never analyzed my feeling, but I will try to doso for you. I think one principal reason is because it is so veryconventional that she would expect it, and think me either piqued orill-bred if I omitted it. Then, deeper than that is a desire to tell herthat I recognize in her and admire those graces and amenities whichare supposed to be peculiar to her s*x. And I suppose there is, also,a little selfishness in it, as if I were asking her to take note that Iknew what were the usages of good society."

"But would you not also tell her in effect by your flattery, if you willexcuse the word, that she and the rest of her s*x are by birth not quiteequal to men, and you are trying to make up the difference all you canby politeness?"

"I am not conscious of such a feeling, I am sure," answered the doctor."It seems to me that woman is entitled to some extra attention becauseshe is physically weaker than man."

"True," said Denim; "that is a good reason why she should beprotected."

"And should we not maintain and practice toward her the spirit of truecourtesy?"

"Most certainly. But women should also exercise the same spirit towardmen. The duty is reciprocal. The days of knight-errantry, when men werechivalrous and women were merely beautiful, should not last forever;women, too, should learn to be chivalrous. Do not

imagine I would haveyou less considerate or thoughtful of anyone, or less demonstrative inyour feelings, if you will only remember that men and women are equal,have equal duties and privileges, and should have similar treatment.Great respect should go where it is deserved, whether to man or woman.If I were an inhabitant of the earth and a woman, I should try to havesome such thought as this: one man of character knows another good manis his equal; therefore as they treat each other so I would have themtreat me, for then I would know that they held me, also, as an equal,and not as a doll, pretty and well dressed perhaps, but brainless, noras a child who must not be told things too deep for its mind."

"I begin to understand you," said the doctor. "You first get me to admitthat women are not a superior order of beings, and then you argue that,as we do not treat them exactly as we do each other, we cannot considerthem our equals, and therefore nothing remains but that we must lookupon them as inferior to us."

Denim gave a pleasant little pink laugh and answered:

"I see you have found me out. But you do not deny that my logic iscorrect."

"I have tried to tell you several times," returned the doctor, with asmile, "that, as for me, I do not feel guilty of harboring the leastdegrading sentiment toward women. But I cannot answer for the opinionsof the world at large. This subject promises to be more interesting thanwe anticipated. I see you know a great deal about it. Have women alwaysbeen accorded an equality with men, or is it a part of your maturedevelopment?"

"Now, Doctor, just see how prejudiced you are. You would never think ofasking if the men of Mars had always been the equal of women. It wouldbe quite as natural with us to ask it in one way as the other."

"I will try again, then, by asking if the two sexes have always been sohappily equal as at this time."

"I will give you a direct answer to that question. They have not. ButI think I have talked enough for once. Lime will tell you all aboutour tortuous course in reaching our present condition, if you wish."

"Not at all," said Lime. "I would like to tell it, but this is atopic that Denim has taken a special interest in, and she shall havethe pleasure of talking to you about it."

"Now then!" I said to myself, "here is a difference right away. Denimsays Lime must tell it; Lime would like to do so, but insists onsacrificing himself for Denim's sake. Now, what if Denim should preferthe pleasure of self-denial, and refuse to let Lime immolate hisdesire so readily? What could prevent war in this happy family? Would aquarrel be any less a quarrel because its cause was unselfishness ratherthan selfishness?"

But if I, with a worldly heart, was expecting a lapse from theseexcellent people, I was disappointed, for Denim, with a look of wifelyaffection toward Lime, said pleasantly:

"Very well, since Lime is so kind, I will do my best, if you aresure you will not tire of hearing me talk."

The doctor and I expressed our pleasure with the arrangement, and Denimbegan:

"I wish to say at the start that, whatever may have been your experienceon this question, it is hardly possible that your mistakes have equaledours, for the folly and wickedness of our race have been stupendous andof long continuance."

"If you will excuse the interruption," I said, "I will suggest that wecan sympathize with you, as our history shows the greatest injustice towomen."

"Your remark proves to me that you cannot fully sympathize with us. Idid not infer, as you seem to do, that the women of Mars had been theonly victims of injustice.

"But without further delay let me begin, only do not hesitate to breakin upon my story with any inquiries that suggest themselves to you.

"We read that God created man, male and female; that is, there cameforth from the hand of the Maker a male man and a female man, and allthrough that early age of gold they loved each other, and served theirGod with purity of heart and without a selfish thought. God was theirfather, they were his children, with equal privileges, equal affection,and equal ability to do faithful service. No evil spirit was nearto whisper in the ear of either a suggestion of personal leadership.Ambition, that ambition which would exalt self at the expense ofanother, was not yet born, and neither of these happy beings couldconceive it possible to achieve a higher happiness by lording it overthe other.

"So they lived till sin came; and among the woes which sin brought inits train there were few more dreadful than the decree that the manshould rule over the woman and that her desire should be unto herhusband. For thousands of years our race struggled against that giantevil. During a long period the condition of woman was so low that weknow nothing of her, and when