Crimson

Human flaws...

I couldn't sleep, I kept tossing.

I turned and spotted Mama at her work table. She was painting her throwing blades.

I knew at this point that it was a dream, but, I couldn't control the events.

I watched with mild fascination as a younger me got off the bed and walked over to where she sat. She paused her painting and smiled at me.

"Can't sleep, baby?", She asked.

I nodded. She smiled and went back to painting. I liked when she paid attention to me.

"I like painting too, Mama", I said.

She chuckled, "Drawing with chalks and painting are very different things, baby".

I nodded, even though I didn't understand. I liked being smart.

Mama lifted her head again, she had a faraway look in her eyes. Mama had told me it meant she had a lot to think about, thinking was what adults did.

I shook her arm, drawing her attention. She looked down at me.

"Why Mama? Why do you paint your blades?".

I really didn't understand why she did that. They were so pretty when they were silver coloured.

"It's the glint, baby", she said.

I was more confused and it must have shown.

" If it is painted black,there's no glint when you throw it ", She explained.

I nodded continuously for a while.

" What is a glint, Mama? " .

She placed her partially painted blade to the side of the table and stretched her arms , picking me by my shoulders . She put me to her chest , stroking my hair.

" It is the shimmer baby , the sparkle ".

She began to fade and I awoke .

There was a metal box with a steel handle that I had not noticed yesterday . It sat in a corner staring at me , it seemed vaguely familiar .

The sun was not in my eyes either , which was really strange . Oh , Ali's place. I pushed myself to a sitting position and looked around while I massaged my head which surprisingly , was not throbbing . Ali must have made me take something while I slept .

The metal box must have been recently polished , it was shining . I pushed the heavy blankets off and noticed I was shirtless , I had probably tossed it somewhere during the night , at least I still had my pants on even if they were wrinkled and the red seemed dull . I cringed , I hated my clothes dull or wrinkled .

I trudged to the metal box , it seemed like something I had once seen in a picture book Mama had got for me . Since there were no books of before the cleansing available anymore , I was not so sure . I traced a finger on the cold metal .

" It is a music box , a record player to be precise " .

I glanced behind me to find Ali leaning on the door post that led to his office . He was dressed differently from last night , but I was sure he had no sleep . His eyes kept moving about , probably gauging the amount of things I had touched that he would have to clean .

" So it plays music ? How ? " ,I asked .

Ali gave me a blank expression , I snickered ,he didn't know either .

" You need a record to use the record player " , I said .

" How do you know that ? " , He asked.

I just knew . I could not remember how either , so ,I changed the topic .

" Why would you buy a piece of junk ? "

He looked me in the eye daring me to laugh .

" It looked aristocratic at that time " , he deadpanned .

I laughed out , Ali did not care for labels , he had definitely been scammed by one of those travelling salesmen , they were known to be able to convince a Smith to buy their swords and a baker to buy their bread .

Ali glared at me as I continued to laugh .

" You buy stupid blades from them all the time " , he ground out .

I stopped laughing.

" I need water " , I declared.

He pointed at a jug next to the bed , I hadn't even noticed it earlier .

" Come down to the office " .

He turned and disappeared through the entrance . I grabbed the jug and opened it , as I drank , I noticed that Ali had not put a cup out for me ,he must have realized I still always drank directly from the jug .

I put the jug down and followed him , picking my discarded shirt from the floor . I shut the door behind me once I was inside the office , Ali was more sensitive to light in the morning . He never complained just went about his work , squinting like a fool .

I waited a few seconds , my back to the door . The fey lantern was on , it did not take long before my eyes adjusted , he was not on his chair . I turned and found him leaning on the wall , watching me .

" You don't have to close the door if you can not see " , he said .

" I can see " , I replied .

" Okay " ,he said.

He was silent for a few seconds .

" Ehmm , why are you not saying something ? " , I asked .

" I thought you could see " .

He was behind me.

I heard the amusement in his voice.

A strike .

For a big guy , he moved very quietly .

Another strike , red light flooded the room . It shimmered at first and then flared . It was beautiful .

Ali stood before the red flare , the red of the flare creating images in his otherwise colourless irises .

It reminded me of the first time I had woken up with him by my side , he had looked like a fiery angel , he did not braid his hair then .

I smirked , " Did you get red fey lanterns because of me ? "

" No , I got it because it was dim enough " , he grumbled .

I smiled , " You could have got some other colour then . Green is better , if it is dim you need " .

" How did you get it ? " , I asked .

He shook his head.

" Not important".

I was about to contradict that when I noticed it , it was heaped up and overflowing . It was a wonder I had not noticed it earlier . The gold bars had been melted into portable gold coins and heaped into sacks , I walked slowly to the sacks and dug my fingers into one .

The coins were still warm . I picked up a few , admiring the brilliant workmanship.

There it was again , the fulfillment dose I needed . I put the coins to my nose and inhaled deeply . I dropped the coins when I realized what I was doing . I sighed and turned to Ali , he was watching me cautiously .

I was a wreck , I knew .

I still had no idea what had happened to my mother , if she was dead or alive . I couldn't remember what had happened the last time I had seen her , if only I remembered , then I would at least have a clue .

So , I sought purpose in the only thing I could remember , my mother's will . Sometimes , it felt like it was all me and then other times like this ,I realized my life and decisions were all shadows of my mother's will .

I hated being trapped by my mother's will , a tear slipped out .

I closed my eyes hoping Ali had not noticed .

I opened them , he was before me , the red flare in his eyes strangely comforting .

" Last year , when you dove into the middle of the street to save that child from the wild horse , it was a split second decision , there was no time to think of what your mother would have done in that situation , that was all you " .

" You spend every second helping someone ,one way or another ,even I am not excluded from your help " .

He looked spiteful now .

" Do you think I don't know the real reason you sent the red headed girl to me , uh ? "

He grabbed my shoulders ,his fingers digging roughly into them .

" If I thought for a second , you were doing this , risking your life just to preserve an image of your mother , I would have stopped you a long time ago " .

His chest was rising and falling hurriedly , Ali was never angry .

" You would not have been able to stop me " I interjected .

He tilted his head , loosening his grip on my shoulders .

" Yes , you are influenced greatly by your memory of her , but , you're your own person and all your decisions are on you . The fulfillment you experience for helping them is only an example of human nature and it's various flaws " .

He smirked .

" You are human after all " .

He took his hands off and bent slightly , grabbing a bag off the floor . He pushed it to my chest .

" Get changed . We have a lot to do ,there's no time to consider if you are a good or bad person . It is too late for that phase " .

He pushed me towards his bathroom . I stopped and turned .

" Would we still be together if I were bad ? " , I asked .

Ali raised a brow .

" We are family and conspirators in a crime , we are not together . "

I blinked , understanding what he meant .

He was sexy but also family .

Ali grunted.

" Yes , we would still be family . It would be a hassle to have no one mourn me ".

I laughed , suddenly feeling light .

" How are you so sure you would get to leave first ? " , I asked .

A look flitted across his face , a look I had come to know very well . I had began to prepare the second I had understood what the look meant .

The second is kind of a stretch , it was more like two weeks after I realized what that look meant.

I knew Ali intended to take the fall for this if it ever came to that , but , I could not bear to lose the only family I had .

So , I had began to take little presents from all of my missions . Irrefutable evidence that it was all me.

I patted his shoulders .

" There's a relatively high chance I will go first ", I said .

He gave me a dirty look .

" Wash up ".

I rushed into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door . There was a mirror , that was new and strange .

Ali hated mirrors . I opened the shelves to find anything I could use and was pleasantly surprised .

All of the products I liked to use were here and unopened .I opened the bag he had given me to see what was inside , a red silk embroidered shirt folded with matching pants stared at me.

I should have been excited but it only reminded me of our parasitic relationship , I never knew what to get Ali to show him how grateful I was .

I washed up and changed .

Since ,I could not give him anything. I could make sure he lived a long , peaceful life . That's what family would do .

I got out to find him sitting on the floor , counting the pieces . He saw me and stood up , beckoning me over to his chair with a finger . I passed the towel to him and he began to towel my hair .

" What's the plan ? ", I asked .

He whistled softly .

" We will have to make the drop tonight , the gold has been at the Haze too long . For now , we will divide it up between the shelter , those that can't make it to the shelter and all other expenses until the cold is over . But , we have more than enough " .

I nodded , calculating .

" Appearances ?" , I asked .

Ali replied , " When we are done dividing ,you will have to leave and go about your business , make sure you are seen ".

He continued.

" I will have some of the older guys load it up and we will meet at the market , soldiers will be crawling over all the corners of Agrippa , we have to meet in public ".

I nodded , Ali never exposed his complete plan , he claimed they were contingencies .

" I should probably leave now . I'm starving and I don't trust your cooks not to slip some libido medicine into my food ".

Ali chuckled .

He was braiding my hair , I didn't recognize the patterns , so , a new style .

" All done , stay within sight . Don't go into any weird corners and contact me if anything happens ", Ali said .

" Yes , Yes Papa ", I laughed

I got off his chair and made my way to the door .

" Juno ? "

I turned .

" Your boots are under the bed " , Ali said .

I hadn't even realized I didn't have them on .

" Juno ?"

I turned around again . He was staring at my neck .

" I didn't forget to take it off " , I answered .

Ali nodded .

" Stay safe and away from those f*****g brigadiers ".

I closed the door behind me , got my shoes and coat and stepped out .

It was so much colder . The entire populace of Haze were still sleeping . As I descended the stairs ,I began to see them in different levels of undress , clinging to each other as they slept .

They looked strangely content.

I picked my way through and took a deep breath when I got out .

The plan was to get pastries and go home .

It was going to be a long night .

I had to prepare for it .