Arabelle

Chapter 11 - Narrations

Chapter 11

Derrick’s POV

Long after everyone had dispersed, I still stood under the rain, it had reduced to a mere drizzle now, I stood rooted the where I was, I couldn’t tear my eyes from the smoking ash that was once Arabelle, as the last of her bones crumpled down into ash, I felt a slicing pain deep in the core of my soul, I fell to my knees and the first wave of tears broke free, I couldn’t dare look up at where Arabelle once stood, the tears poured down my cheeks, I couldn’t control them and I sure as hell didn’t want to, I let the tears fall as they please,

Then I felt that maybe I was just dreaming, that if I closed my eyes hard enough as wished it was all a dream then everything will vanish and when I opened my eyes, Arabelle will be standing in front of me again,

Believing in what I had just told myself, I shut my eyes tightly and wished with everything I held to be sacred and true that all this was just a dream and that Arabelle was alright and I had not just committed the worst possible crime, that I had not just used my own hands to murder the woman I loved more than life itself, that I had not just murdered my wife,

Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and to my disappointment that nothing had changed, the smell of burnt flesh and death assaulted my senses, my body began to tremble and shake and the pouring tears changed to choking sobs, which soon progressed into loud cries,

As I knelt before what was once Arabelle, I prayed for death to take me immediately, there was no point living anymore, I had failed Arabelle in the worst possible way so what was the use in continuing this wretched existence, I didn’t care that everyone would see me, the respected heir to the Blackwood fortune crying in the street,

I cried like I had never done before, grief and sorrow tore at the very core of my existence, “forgive me Arabelle” I repeated over and over again, I kept reciting it like some kind of mantra, hoping it will be some kind of comfort but it failed to bring me what I sought, instead it brought me more pain,

The force of the rain increased gradually and fell down on me in drops that were almost painful, I just sat there and wept shamelessly, calling out to the love I had just murdered with my own hands, my heart beat was painful in my chest and my head felt too heavy,

“My lord, we must return to Blackwood right now, the rain is getting heavier, we leave at once” one of the men in my employ said to me,

His voice sounded far away to me, I wasn’t paying attention to him, I felt his hands on my shoulders, I shoved his hand away violently,

“Get your bloody hands off me” I said, my voice was laced with rage and savage intent,

“Stand up Richard” I heard a voice say from behind me, a voice that I knew only too well, a voice I had known all my life, the voice of my mother,

Slowly I seized to tremble and shake so much and my loud sobs ebbed, with great difficulty I stood up and turned to look at her, she stood there under the shelter of an umbrella, clad in her expensive silk dress and heavy pearl jewellery, her dainty hands were clad in gloves made from the softest lace and her hair was neatly arranged in the latest hairdo, she was the picture of grace and everything pure and good,

I wiped the tears that still threatened to fall and walked over to her, I bowed my head a little and said “Good evening Lady Blackwood”

Her eyes remained hooded “let’s go home Richard” she said in her voice that was as gentle as that of well-behaved child, my mother was perfect I thought,

She put her hands to my cheek and looked into my eyes, I saw no emotions, her feelings were never shown to me as always,

“Let’s go home son, the worst is already behind us” she said calmly,

I nodded my head slowly and let her lead me away from Arabelle towards the waiting carriage, as I climb in after her, I looked back one more time towards Arabelle before finally getting into carriage, the carriage jerked forward and left everything behind.

That was the last time I made a scene in the town because of what had happened to Arabelle, I carried myself like the perfect gentleman and at night when no one eyes watched me, I allowed myself to fall apart, mourn, grieve and also hate myself.

Countless times, I sat in the dark softly calling out Arabelle’s name till a restless slumber overtook me, it was a slumber filled with nightmares of what I had done to Arabelle, I relived that very moment every night and could never forget it, I was doomed to remember every moment, every look she had given, every word I had said to her,

I had lost count of the nights I woke up screaming out in the dark, on nights like that, it was my mother’s arms I ran to for comfort, in her arms I forgot all my pain and found only peace, in her arms I didn’t feel like a monster, I only felt like a man who had lost his love and nothing more.

When Lady Highwater, Arabelle’s mother had taken gravely ill and later died a few days after, I had felt like ending my life, knowing I was solely to blame, I turned to the comfort only alcohol could bring but even then I found it could not suffice, I once again found myself running to my mother’s arm and she would hold me close to and tell me it was going pass soon but of course it never did and so I continued to wallow in misery.

That was my what my life like all through, at some point in my life, my mother had gotten me married to some girl I don’t even remember and I had somehow had a child by her, a son who later became the heir to Blackwood and as for his mother, I had no idea what became of her because during my final days I had sank into the great despair thereby losing most of my reasoning, I couldn’t remember much from the last days of my life but I was I had died in my early 40s and that my mother was still alive when I died.

That was the life Lord Richard Blackwood had lived.

After narrating all this to Arabelle in the coffee shop, she was looking at me like I was a crazy person, she must think me mad, I still had not answered her question which was why I had done I had done what I did back then and unfortunately that was a question that will have to remain unanswered for now,

“Before you say anything Arabelle, I will say this, the answer to the question you seek is one I cannot give you, that question has no answer, I only told the story I told you just was to show you how sorry I am for everything I did to you and also to tell you that I am willing to accept whatever punishment you wish to give me, even if you ask for my life, I will gladly give it to you, I am sorry Arabelle, I really am but I have no answer for you today” I said,

I could see the anger in her eyes and the promise of pain they promised

“I gave you a chance Richard, I gave you a chance to help me understand, to give me reason not to go ahead with everything my heart is telling me to do but you just wasted it, that was your last chance and you blew it, you said I could take your life, I don’t want your life, it’s useless to me, I will make you relive all the suffering you went through before and make it a thousand times worse, that is my promise to you Richard” Arabelle said, she stood up and walked away

From where I sat, I heard her asking Angie where she could get a cab, Angie said a few words and the sound of the door closing followed next, she was gone and I could only expect the worse when next I saw her,

“Seems like you really pissed her off Derrick” Angie said as she came and sat in the chair Arabelle was in a few seconds ago, her brown eyes watched me intently,

I gave a dry chuckled and said “You have no idea how much Angie”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Angie asked,

I almost laughed at the question, I found it a very comical question, this was also a question with no answer “That my dear Angie, is a very complicated question, one with no straight answer” I answered with a dry smile,

Angie looked at me wearily “You are a really sad guy, you know that right?” She said,

This time around, I actually laughed “And you are a very funny girl Angie” I said and stood up, pulling out more than enough cash to cover the bill, I dropped it on the table,

“Get yourself something nice Angie” I said and walked away,

“Is this supposed to be a bride to stop bothering you?” Angie called out from behind me,

I laughed and answered without looking back “It’s a bride for bothering me actually”

With that statement I walked out of the coffee shop into the bright sunlight, I pulled out my phone from my pocket, I had put in do not disturb mode when I got into the car with Arabelle, I had a total of 25 missed calls and 10 messages, 10 out of the missed calls were from Alfred and 5 were from my mother, the rest were from different board members, one in particular caught my eye, it was a missed call from Ruth, I uttered a string of cusses, today was turning out a real shitty day and it was really getting on my nerves,

I dialled Alfred’s number, he answered on the first ring,

“Sir, where have you been? Everyone was looking for you, your mother is furious and so are the board members have called for an emergency meeting tomorrow, everything is a mess sir, where are you right now? I will come over and come and get you” Alfred said the second he answered the phone,

In all the years had known Alfred I had never heard him so worried about anything, he was always so professional and serious, I don’t think he and I ever had a personal conversation before, I suddenly felt like really getting to know the guy, life was too short to let people who were close to you just pass through your life without you really getting to know them,

“Don’t worry about me Alfred, I won’t be returning to the office today, cancel all the appointments I have today, you can go home as well, I won’t be needing your help for the rest of toady” I said,

I heard complete silence from the other end, then Alfred spoke again, “Sir, the appointments you are scheduled to have today are too important to be cancelled, you have to come back to the office right now, the foreign investor is on his way as we speak” he sounded really worried,

“Tell him I won’t be able to make it to the meeting due to some unforeseen personal issues, we can reschedule for tomorrow if he is available, if he isn’t, then tell him to pick any day that works to his convenience and we will work with that” I said and hung up the call,

Taking a deep breath, I suddenly didn’t feel like going back home or anywhere close to the office, I took in a deep breath of fresh air, maybe I should just stay here till tomorrow when the hawks will swoop in and try to tear me apart from every angle,

I switched my phone off and stuffed in my pocket, I turned back toward the coffee shop and walked in,

Angie rushed over to see who it was, she was shocked to see me “You are back again, what happened?” she asked,

I smiled and said “I was wondering if you knew where I could find a hotel around here, I am in desperate need of a mini vacation”