It Has Always Been You

Chapter – 11

Chapter – 11

Stardust

“hey” Gannon greeted me and so did Mia after giving a bro hug to Emmi. They were waiting for us out of the club near their cars. Or maybe not us, just Emmi. Their expressions told me they probably didn’t know I would be here with Emmi. But I don’t think they disliked my coming. They even seemed happy to see me. I think I might actually make some good friends now.

How are these people so good-looking? Mia wore a white cropped tee with a leather skirt. Her hair was in a high pony and her makeup was wild with many fake piercings in her ear. She looked like a bad girl in a rock song. I didn’t look at her feet to see her footwear. I would clarify that I was checking them out. While beside her, Gannon wore a red leather jacket, his hair jelled back in perfect sleekness. I saw how lean and bulging his muscular pecs were when he moved back his hand to fish his phone from the back pocket of his ripped dark blue denim. I feel like s**t around them. They are like a moon and I feel like a cloud of busted stardust.

“so, you are Emiliano’s sister. No wonder you looked familiar to me in the orientation. It will be good to hang out together. Are you guys like twins or something? It’s going to be a shocker if you are not.” Mia said.

“Actually, we are cousins. Our fathers are identical twins.” Emmi explained.

“that explains.” She replied, playing with her hair.

“come let’s go in,” Gannon suggested.

“yeah sure,” I said.

“where is Casey?” Emmi asked Gannon when we walk.

“oh… he must be on his way; he’ll be here soon. He said not to wait up, he is picking up Claire with him. You know what it means.”

No, I don’t know what it means. Is this Casey the third person in their trio? Will someone care to tell me too?

“then, we should go in, he’ll take his time making out, or maybe more. No use waiting up.” Mia suggested.

“Yeah, we should get in before we missed our pleasant spots….” Emmi spoke.

“is there will be just us? Emmi said there will be more of us, he had many passes, we will waste them.”

“are you a member of the Black Panther fan club? You are pretty worried about their show and passes.” Gannon laughed like he didn’t expect anyone there for their music and not for free drinks.

“she is a little nut about their music. She is the only one here for them, unlike us.” Emmi joked with his friends.

“Maybe she’s not the only one. Casey loves the band, too. Their taste in music sucks.” Mia said.

“When I was in London, I met their lead singer Nancy at a club.”

“like a concert? You went to their concerts before?” Mia spoke.

“no, it was an underground rap battle. I can't really be defined as a concert. Not everyone knows her talent for rap, just a few lucky ones. And something happened that day that made us friends.”

“what?”

“that I can’t tell you, I promised her, but just you should know that she and all the band members used to be in a dreary place before she gathered up her band and I know she will rise higher than anyone thinks. They are very popular in the underground genre. And I feel like we are pretty similar too.”

“Okay, if you like them so much, maybe they are diamonds in the rough. Let’s find out.” They gave them a true go.

“Casey and Claire will be here soon. They might not be together with us either, they need their couple of times. There is no use waiting up. We shouldn’t miss it.” Mia said after he checked her phone, maybe she got a text or something. I swear I heard a notification ping.

“Okay.”

We all went inside, walking through the check-in, where we got wrist bands when we show the passes. The bands were cool, black, with neon skulls and stars all over them. Just a few minutes before, while we were standing out there, it was almost impossible to say that the club will be this packed from the inside. It was nothing like this on the outside. They filled the vibe there with enthusiasm and fresh scents of the fresh mixture of strange perfumes and colognes.

The decoration is up to absolute perfection. Silver and golden fairy lights, wild broken musical instruments and metal structure, neon signs of some supposedly scary creatures, fireworks. It had everything. It was like a fusion of a garage and a top-tier musical concert. It's hard to find something this mesmerizing in any club these days. I can bet it was Nancy’s idea. Her personality is just the same too, rocky and smooth at the same time. I wish to meet her again; she has an enormous impact on me and my transformation.

The band climbed up onto the stage. Nancy looked much beautiful than the last time I saw her. I wonder if she would still remember me. But looking at her reminded me of my dark day and the way her music gave me strength. Even in that crowd, I felt at peace. The other members were on the stage, too. Their guitarist Marc and Luke, bassist Rocco, and another vocalist Rocky.

They introduced themselves on the stage and started the performance. The lights dimmed as the music started, just as the fairy lights were enlightening the place now. The music started. People started dancing to their upbeat music.

“hey, what are you thinking? You, okay? Are you feeling strange?” Emmi asked worriedly. He keeps checking on if I was doing ok or not.

“no, relax, I'm fine.” I almost screamed my throat off in the loud music for him to hear my voice.

“I'll get you some water.”

“sure, thanks.”

“I told you I'll look after you.”

“I can’t be thankful enough.” He was back in a flash. I felt good after chugging the water down. I was really thirsty.

The music was blasting, and I was proud to have my faith and love in this band, and I know their music proved all those who were just here for drinks wrong. A girl can play instruments and sing well, no matter what stereotypes people have.

“you were right they are not bad,” Gannon said in my ears.

“I told you, they are worth your time. I have an excellent taste in picking out talents.” I joked in his ears.

It was their third song now, and we were jamming to the flow when I saw Emmi and his friends looking at the back to the door. Of course, I couldn’t hear them, but I knew they were talking to someone. I didn’t care in the beginning; I was more interested in the music, but then I turned as I heard someone saying Caspian. This name has a weird effect on my senses. Almost paralyzing. I felt the same as a sweet lover would feel at the name of chocolate cake. Or a car enthusiast would feel at the name of flying cars. I couldn’t help but turn back to see who they were talking with.

I saw they were talking to someone. Maybe I heard the name wrong, I thought. It wasn’t hard to figure they would talk to Casey and Claire. But I couldn’t clearly see their faces. It was dark, and their faces hid behind Emmi and Mia.

“Okay, guys, we’ll take a few minutes to break. Please enjoy the drinks.” The band announced, and the hall was no longer dark. It was bright enough for me to see how packed it was again. But this time it hit me differently. The darkness didn’t allow me to feel so many others were here as well. The place had many more than it had when we got in.

Suddenly the anxiety started kicking in. the air became stuffy and suffocated like a fish out of water. My breath became irregular. I started taking long drags of oxygen in and then out. But I could slowly feel something creeping in my stomach, and it was only getting bigger and worse enough that I felt like throwing up. I was in a cold sweat. I know I can control it. But my vision was getting blurry. My eyes were watering, my ears had a weird ringing in them. Everything was getting hazy, dark, and very consuming.

I should have brought my anxiety meds. I will bother everyone here. But it didn’t happen last time I was in such a crowded place. I haven’t happened in a very long time. I thought they cured me. Maybe it’s not the place that has got to me, it’s the name. The name I want to vanish from my mind forever. A name that is only t*****e to me and a reminder of my mistake.

I turned and walked to Emmi. Barely; I wanted to go in the fresh air before I faint here, which will happen if I stay here a minute longer.

“Emmi…!!” my hand barely made it to his shoulder. It felt heavy, like I had a dumbbell in my hands.  

Suddenly all their gazes were at me. I couldn’t see clearly, but I could feel it in my gut, the feeling of a strange gaze at me.

“I need to…” I was trying to form the words when suddenly a huskily familiar voice interrupted.

“Elena Stephen?”

It hit me like a bullet. It was his voice; it was him. I gave my all to see the face of this voice. I knew I can’t be anyone else than him. My first love, Caspian, also broke my heart.

I saw his face clearly for a moment, looking at me. It widened his eyes as he looked at me. I couldn’t understand this reaction. I could not think of anything straight. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening, but I felt even worse. I slowly felt all the sense blacking out again. Suddenly my body hit a big hard thing, and I heard something snap aloud as my body hit the ground. Maybe the chains on my shorts clanked with the ground and after that, my senses completely shut off. I could hear someone calling my name from very far, but that too vanished as I fell deeper into the dark sea of emptiness.