It Has Always Been You

Chapter – 9

Chapter – 9

Elena

It was four p.m., and I still have three hours to get ready. I rarely take long to get ready and it’s just Emmi, so I can wear whatever. So much that I wish to go on a date with guys, but sometimes it all felt worthless. Every guy wants a pretty girl to be around with them, doing whatever they want, and I don’t intend to be that one for any shrew head. I didn’t work my a*s off for that.

Uh… all your excuses. A second voice that was hidden inside me suddenly screamed.

You are just scared of that pain all over again of asking a guy out. And you are too scared to even trust someone new, to bring them close enough to find out your complexities. It said again.

I didn’t even try to fight off that voice in my head; I knew it was true. True as the sky above my head, the twinkling yellow sun, and the life-carrying and nurturing earth.

Ever since my first love broke my heart, I couldn’t dare to give it to someone else. With this exterior of mine, I found flirting to be pretty simple and more convenient. It’s like a conversation with someone who is not interested in your words but in your eyes and the movement of your lips and the gravity you emit. I felt delighted when handsome and tidy guys come up to me and ask for my number. But I can’t ever pull up enough courage to step forward for it. It always scares me. Maybe that day, not just my heart broke, something else too broke with it inside me. It was maybe the will to find love and be happy someday. But it’s okay. I don’t curse him for anything. It wasn’t his fault. I forgave him. I shouldn’t have shared my heart with someone. It is just like something I once read. 

‘Loving someone is like giving them a loaded g*n and trusting they won’t shoot.’

And it never ends well.

I went and do some grocery shopping in the meantime. I practically had nothing in the kitchen to even make a single meal out of it for myself. And I can’t always eat out, it’s never a healthy choice. I'm not a fan of eating out anymore, anyway. I'm more settled with a simple home-cooked meal. I enjoy cooking for myself.

The supermarket was not much farther away from the apartment, just about a five-minute drive at max. And I have my car. I fetched my keys and wallet and halted out in front of the shop.

Twenty minutes and I'm out of there. I am a quick shopper, that’s why I enjoy shopping alone, it’s boring with anyone else. I just grab what I need and get out.

I got some eggs, almond milk, lots of fruits, vegetables, juices, nuts, tofu, protein bars and shakes, multigrain bread, then paid and got out, stuffed all the groceries in the trunk, and drove back.

I was unlocking the door when my phone started ringing.

‘hey,’ Gabe said. ‘what’s up?’ she continued.

‘getting in my apartment.’ I said, adjusting the bags in one hand and the phone in the other.

‘get in, Imma going to face time you.’ She ended the call and in exactly two minutes, I suppose, she called again.

‘How are you so free all the time, don’t you have any work, sister?’ I asked with sarcasm.

‘you are all I have.’ She joked back.

‘what are your plans for today, did you meet Emmi? How is he doing? Haven’t heard from him in a while.’

‘you told him I was in London, didn’t you?’

‘he was sick, worried about you being a home freak and ruining your future. And you were not even talking to him. So, I had to do something. How is he?’

‘he is great, we are going to Black Panther’s concert today.’

‘a concert?’

‘yup.’

‘that’s cool. So did you decide on what you are going to wear there?’

‘yeah.’

‘what? Show me.’

‘it’s just a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I can’t take on a skirt any longer.’

‘what???!!!’ she yelled as if I’ve told her I was going n***d. Maybe… she would be happier in that scenario.

‘what do you mean by that long ‘what’?’

‘you will not wear that.’

‘why?’

‘Why, you ask. You know what a girl’s biggest fantasy is?’

‘no. what?’

‘to make their favorite singer fall in love with them.’

‘I don’t harbor similar s*x tendencies, FYI. I just love her voice and she a prominent person.’

‘you like the female singer?’

‘yeah, so what?’

‘whatever, you will not wear that and that’s final. There might be lots of popular guys there.’

‘then you tell me what I should wear.’

‘I know exactly what you are going to wear.’