It Has Always Been You

Chapter – 1

Chapter – 1

A new start

Getting out of my car, I am now almost running, holding my book close to my chest, trying hard not to let any book slip down on the ground from their pile. They were all new, of course, and surely slippery. I was nervous yet supercharged with bouncy excitement for the day of the new chapter of my life. Pulling my mid-thigh maroon flared skirt down, which keep hanging up from the wind and not to mention the wide running steps I was taking. My brown hair was out in the open, struggling with the air. But at least not hitting my face, which I was pretty thankful for.

Oh god! This skirt of so awkward and to top this up, I am wearing these foot-killer heeled shoes. God, I just want to go home and change out of this damn outfit my sister made me wear, and wear my comfy baggy bunny t-shirt on a spur of a second and that continue my running from there. How cool it would be if I could just do it. How wonderful it will feel to not have to go through this pain anymore. My sister Gabriella is such a diva. She always has people around who admire her beauty. And now that I am in a vast environment with unlimited opportunities; she almost forced me to look more like a person who is open to adore them and not be scared of them. She forced me to wear these clothes. She believes ‘what you were is what you be’. Herself, she is a polished and dressed-up person with her personality and the way she presents herself. I am still getting used to these kinds of revealing clothes. I like how I look at them. I was used to covering my body from head to toe. Covering and hiding all my hideous bulge which more than others made me uncomfortable. But now I am wearing this, the shortest skirt of the century and a white crop top.

Hi, first let me introduce myself to make sense of my feeling to you more. I am Elena James Stephen, in short Eli as my parents call me, not my friends as I don’t really have many close friends, and the ones I have are more formal and basic, the type who wanted my help in their schoolwork and homework. The people I had in the name of classmates and co-eds, were used to call me weird names that for them were the funniest. They called me fatso, hippo, or elephant, and many other names because I was a big person in longitude and latitude (excuse the pun) as per their convenience and mood. I can swear on the fact that in my entire school life, I had the most names entitled by my classmates. Bullies like can do almost anything to abase me to make them feel superior. All that bullying and shame seriously take a toll on my body image and self-esteem, which was lower than the freezing temperature of the coldest day. But I will tell you about it later. For now, let’s talk about my first day of a better life, my college life. 

So, today is my first day of college which is going to be ‘the first time getting late on the first day of college’ as well which I was hoping not too but because of my beautiful older sister Gabe it seems to be a far-fetched dream. I have always been the ideal student. Unlike her, she was more into the extra activities, sports, and all. Teachers liked me, but my sister was popular with friends. I have never been late for my classes or skipped my classes. I have always submitted my homework and assignments on time. My parents always liked and supported me in whatever my interests were. They never asked me why I am doing whatever I do. They have always been the best and the only support system in my life. That was the only reason I could go through school life without falling into depression because no matter how hard school was, I had a hope at the end of it that back at home I will be cared for and secured.

But whatever, I don’t want to go in that yet or I'll start crying right here and all this making up will be to absolute waste. I think I am getting too emotional today. Maybe because I have hope for my life, the hope of finally having friends, of finally having meaningful relationships, the hope of not being miserable and desperate for love and attention like I was in school.

Today is a new beginning for me and for the first time, I am thrilled and excited to look forward to it. Even if this outfit is not me, I still feel happy flaunting it on my new body. Even if I am hurting, I am still excited to know what college going to feel like. 

I was so kept up in my personal world of thoughts and desires that I didn’t realize when I ran into someone; I realized it only when it was too late for regrets. My butt came in contact with the cold white floor as I was in the hallway. That was when I came back to reality. “Careful angel, I don’t want to be a sinner, hurting your precious body.” I heard a voice husky enough to send my chills down my spine, a voice never heard before.