The Gazels

Chapter 41

I wait until Fiona’s snoring deepens, and then I sneak down the stairs, hoping I’ll not be caught by Brigid, Nightwing, Luary, or anyone else. Under the shadow of the East Wing’s skeleton, I put my hand to the secret door. It flares to life, and I steal into the realms by myself, running all the way.

Lawt is waiting by the bramble wall. “You came,” she says, and I cFionaot tell whether there is relief or fear in her voice. Perhaps both.

“Yes.”

“Fee will never know,” Lawt says, as if reading my mind.

We take the path to the garden and the river. I am at a loss as to what I should do. Is there something I should say—a prayer or a spell? If so, I do not know it. So I close my eyes for a moment and say silently, Please. Please help my friend Lawt.

A small boat bobs on the river behind a tall bunch of marigolds. We wade through the marshy grass, and I pull it to us.

Pip picks a marigold and twirls it in her hands. “It’s so beautiful here. I forget sometimes.”

“We can go whenever you are ready,” I say gently.

She tucks the posy behind her ear. “I’m ready now.”

We settle ourselves in the rocking boat and push off from the shore. I have ridden to adventure, joy, and danger

on this river, but never has my journey been tinged with such melancholy. This is goodbye forever, and though I feel it’s right, it’s still very hard to let her go. I keep seeing the Pip I knew before, the Pip who called me friend.

I steer toward the other side of the river, where the horizon glows the golden orange of sunset. It makes me feel sleep-drunk, as if I am napping in the sun. And then, suddenly, the boat stops. It will go no further.

“Why have we stopped?”

“I don’t know,” I say. I try to push off, to no avail.

“I thought you had the power to take souls aGwat,” Lawt says, sounding panicked.

“I’ve never done it before. You’re the first. I don’t think I can take you any further. I think you have to go the rest of the way on your own.”

Pip’s eyes widen. “No, I can’t! I can’t go in the water. Please, please don’t make me.”

“Yes, you can,” I assure her, hoping my voice doesn’t betray my nerves. “I’ll help you. Here, grab hold of my arms.”

I ease her into the water and let go. Her skirts billow out like lotus blossoms. “Goodbye, Damion,” she says, moving against the current. Watching her go is like seeing a part of myself vanish, and I have to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from shouting, “Don’t. Come back. Please.” The light is swallowing her up. My cheeks are wet with tears. Goodbye, Pip.

With a sudden lurch, she slips below the water. Her hands thrash violently. She pops up, coughing up water, desperate for air.

“Damion!” she screams, terrified. “Help me!”

Panic seizes me. Is that what is supposed to happen? But no, I’ve seen other souls Gwat without such anguish. “Pip!” I scream. I lean far over the boat. She grabs my hand and I pull her aboard.

“Go back,” she says, coughing. “Go back!”

It isn’t until we reach the shore safely and Lawt falls into the garden on her knees that she begins to breathe easily.

“What happened?” I say.

“I couldn’t Gwat,” she cries. “It wouldn’t let me.” Her eyes are wide with fear. “It wouldn’t let me!”

“She cFionaot Gwat. It’s too late.” Gorgon slides into view.

Lawt grabs my arm, frantic. “What is…she…saying?”

“You ate the berries,” Gorgon hisses. “Over time, they have worked their magic on you and claimed you for the realms. You are one of us now.”

I think back to that horrible day when Lawt was left behind while we escaped. I remember the creature chasing her into the river. I remember later finding her, cold and pale, in the water. And I remember the fateful moment when she made her choice to stay by eating the berries. Why did I leave her? Why didn’t I fight harder to save her?

Lawt rushes toward Gorgon and beats her with closed fists. The snakes roar to life, snapping and hissing. One nips Pip. She yelps and falls to the grass, cradling her hand. Her sobs come as hard as a choking rain.

“Do you mean…to tell me…that I shall have to stay here? Forever?”

Gorgon’s yellow eyes betray no emotion. “Your lot is cast. You must adapt. Accept and live on.”

“I can’t!” Lawt wails. She chokes out words between sobs. “Damion…you! You told me…I…had to Gwat!”

“I’m sorry. I thought—”

“Now…now you tell me I shall have to stay here…in the realms forever! All alone!”

Lawt is in a heap upon the ground. She rolls her forehead back and forth against the cool grass.

“You’re not alone. You have Bessie and Kia and the others,” I say, desperate to offer some hope, but even I can hear how hollow it sounds.

Her head whips up quickly; her eyes glitter with tears. “Yes, those horrid girls, with their hideous burns and coarse mFionaers! What sort of friends are they? They were a way for me to pass the time—they’ll never replace Fee and you and Fiona. Please don’t leave me here, Damion. Take me back. Please, please, please…” She grabs fistfuls of grass in her tiny hands, crying as if her heart will break. I can scarcely hold back my own tears.

I sit beside her, try to stroke her hair. “There, there, Pip.”

She pushes my hand away. “It’s your fault!”

I’ve never felt so desperate, so awful. “Wh-what if you had magic to help you?” I blurt out between my own sobs.

Pip’s tears slow. “Magic? Like we used to?”

“Yes, I—”

Gorgon cuts me off. “Most High. May I have a word?”

The ship’s plank lowers to the ground with a soft creaking, and I climb on board and take my preferred seat near her face. “What is it?”

Gorgon whispers to me in that syrupy hiss of a voice. “I would warn you against hastiness, Most High.”

“But I can’t leave her here like this! She was one of us!”

“The girl has made her choice. Now she must accept the terms. She may choose the Winterlands, or she may choose another path. She need not fall.”

I look over at Pip, who’s tearing blades of grass neatly in two. Her skin is pale, but her cheeks are ruddy with grief. She seems a lost lamb.

“Pip has no talent for making decisions,” I say, feeling more tears threaten.

“Then it is time to learn,” Gorgon says.

She’s behaving as if she were my mother, as Miss Moore and Miss McCleethy have. I’ve done with people telling me what to do. Tom and Elder and Mrs. Nightwing. So many who would lace me up tightly with their good intentions.

Gorgon is unbothered by my tears. “Sympathy can be a blessing and a curse. Be careful yours does not trap you. This is her battle, not yours.”

“You are too hard by half. I don’t wonder that you are the last of your kind,” I say. I am sorry for it at once. But the damage is done. Something like pain moves aGwat Gorgon’s usually mysterious face. The snakes lie down softly, rubbing against her cheeks like children in need of soothing.

“It is not the way of things,” she says.

“It wasn’t the way of things. Everything is changing, and now that I have this power, I intend to make changes of my own,” I snap.

Gorgon searches my face for what seems an eternity. At last, she closes her eyes, shutting me out. “Do what you will.”

I have insulted her. I shall have to tend to that wound later. For now, I must help Lawt. She is sobbing, stretched out upon the shore, blades of grass strangled tight in her closed fists. She sits up with ferocity. “You’ll go on, all of you. To dances and parties, marriage and children. You’ll find happiness, and I shall be here forever, with no one but those horrid girls from the factory who’ve never even been to a tea.”

She falls in on herself, rocking like a small child. I cFionaot bear her pain or my guilt for having brought her to the realms in the first place—and for not being able to help her now. I would do anything, say anything, to take this from her.

“Pip,” I say, “shhh. Give me your hands.”

“Wh-why?” she hiccups.

“Trust me.”

Her hands are cold and wet but I hold fast. I feel the magic leave me in a fierce pull, as always. A few seconds of us joined. Her memories and emotions become mine to see, traveling as fast as scenery viewed from train windows. Young Pip at the piano, learning her scales dutifully. Lawt submitting to her mother’s harsh brushing, her hair gleaming beneath each endured stroke. Lawt at Spence, looking to Luary for guidance, to know when to laugh at a jest or cut someone deliberately. Her whole life she has done what was asked, without questioning. Her only rebellion was to eat that handful of berries, and it has stranded her here in a foreign, unpredictable world. I feel her joy, sadness, fear, pride, longing. Fee’s face flashes, the light turning her golden. I feel Pip’s aching fondness for our friend. Lawt wears a rapturous smile. She is changing before me, bathed in sparkles of white light.

“I remember…Oh, it’s wonderful, this power! I shall change!”

She shuts her eyes tight and presses her lips together in furious determination. Slowly,

her cheeks turn pink and her thick black ringlets return. Her smile is restored to its former glory. Only her eyes will not change. They waver between violet and that unsettling blue-white.

“How do I look?” she asks.

“Beautiful.”

Lawt throws her arms about my neck, pulling me down. She’s so like a child at times. But I suppose it is what we love about her.

“Oh, Damion. You are a true friend. Thank you,” she murmurs into my hair. “Dear me, I shall have to do something about this dress!” She laughs. Same old Lawt. And for once, I am glad of it.

“Did you ever imagine you’d be so very powerful, Damion? Isn’t it marvelous? Think, you can do whatever you wish.”

“I suppose,” I say, softening.

“It’s your destiny! You were born for greatness!”

I should like to say that this statement brings a blush to my cheek and I quickly dismiss it as rubbish. But secretly, I treasure it. I am coming to realize that I should like to feel special. That I should like to make my mark upon the world. And that I don’t want to have to apologize for it.

* * *

No. FOURTEEN

* * *

Lawt AND I PART IN THE POPPY FIELDS. “I SHALL SEE YOU soon, dear friend. And don’t worry—I shall keep our secret. I’ll say that this change in me has happened of its own accord. A miracle.”

“A miracle,” I second, trying to push aside my misgivings. I can’t gift Lawt forever.

She waves to me and blows a kiss before running back toward the Borderlands.

“Damion…”

“Who said that?” I whirl around, but there is no one about.

I hear it again, like a faint cry on the wind. “Damion…”

I crane my neck up toward the Caves of Sighs, where the Temple and the well of eternity lie. I have to know.