Book2: A Night Darker

Chapter 10: The Man in Her Memories

Chapter 10: The Man in Her Memories 2

"BAE, Are you okay?" She blinked twice, waiting for the slight throbbing in her head to subside. She shut her eyes close when another extreme blow hit her as blurry images came rushing. Eto na naman. Sh thought to herself.

"Yeah, okay lang ako." She managed to say. A concern looked was etched all over his face as he look at her. She smiled, assuring him that she's okay.

This past few days, nagiging frequent na ang ganitong pangyayari. Sumasakit ang ulo niya, then images came rushing, they almost seem like memories. It feels like a part of her wanted to surface and be known.

Maybe, just maybe, unti unti ng bumabalik ang dating ako.

Her memories were all about a man doing varied things. The image was like a blur kaya hindi niya ito mamukhaan, but then, malakas ang kutob niya na si Clarence iyon.

Ayaw niya munang sabihin sa asawa ang nararanasan. She wanted to surprise him.

"Let's go then?" He asked and she just nod. Tumalikod ito and led the way. Staring at the beautiful back of her husband, for a minute there, nag-alinlangan siya kung ito nga ba talaga ang lalaking nakikita niya sa isip.

The man in her memories seems to have broader shoulders, they look stronger and firm. They are foggy in her memories, yet so magnificent. Nabaling ang kanyang atensyon kay Nickolas na ngayon ay tila ba walang pakialam habang nakatayo sa gitna ng lugar, while busy looking for something worthy of his attention. Her gaze shifted at his shoulders. Just like that.

She automatically shrugged the thought off, realizing how absurd it was. Like seriously?

Nasa mall sila ngayon. After leaving home, dito sila unang pumunta. Bibili daw muna sila ng damit na sasapat for the duration of their stay. Naalala niyang wala nga pala halos dalang gamit si Nickolas, so she doubt na may pamalit din itong dala.

Naiwan sa bahay ang kambal. She would really love to have her twin travel with her, pero alam niyang mapapagod lang ang mga ito. Naiwan ang mga sa pangangalaga ni Manang Ising. She was also Clarence's nanny when he was still young. Naalala niya pa kung paanong halos kumislap ang mga mata ng asawa, ng muli nitong makita ang babaeng nag-alaga dito. She was his refuge during his hard days, his only strenght when no one was there willing to help. She was his family. Kahit hindi niya pa gaanong kilala ang ginang, she's already thanking her for all the things she made for Clarence.

Nag-ikot-ikot sila sa lugar. For a moment, humiwalay siya sa dalawa, shopping for her own and the twin. Nakakahiya naman kasi kung may dalawang lalaki ang nakatingin sa kanya habang nagbubuklat siya ng underwears. If it was only Clarence, she won't really mind, but Nickolas' scrutinizing look is just too much to bear. She's willing to fight his game, pero hindi habang namimili siya ng bagong kulay ng mga panty niya!

After buying her stuffs, hinanap na niya ang dalawa. They were in the men's section of course. Nakita niya ang dalawa at agad lumapit sa mga ito, picking a black shirt on her way na alam niyang magugustuhan ng asawa.

"I'm done!" She cheerfully greeted. Bumaba ang tingin nito sa mga shopping bags na dala niya.

"I see, just hope you got some sexy lingerie for me?" Biro nito na sinabayan pa ng isang ngisi. Alam kasi ni Clarence na siya yung tipo ng babaeng hindi mahilig sa lingerie. It irritates her somehow. She prefer her pj's and sphagetti tops.

She laughed at his humor and wiggled her brows para sakyan ang kalokohan nito. "Something flimsy and aah ... soft?"

He showed a shocked then pained expression which she really enjoy. "C'mon!" Angal nito.

Pumasok sa isip ni Clarence ang isang imahe. Sophia wearing that 'Flimsy and aah ...soft' lingerie according to the somehow twisted mind of her, and suddenly a protective feeling coated him. The type of feeling na naramdaman din niya nong una niya itong makita.

The first time he saw her angelic face, so pale and greased with dirt and blood, gusto niya kaagad protektahan ito. He wanted to keep her from all the things that will cause her pain. He wanted to fix her, the way he wanted to fix himself.

Tulad ngayon, he just wanted to cover Sophia and hide her from the scrutinizing stare she could possibly get. The image of her wearing that piece of cloth somehow shocked him. It's just that, he never did actually fantasize her wife. His bae is so sexy and beautiful, no doubt. But there is something which keeps him from doing so. Respect. Yeah, that's it. Whenever he tries, it just feels so wrong.

"Aw!" Hinawakan niya ang ilong ng maramdaman niyang biglang may pumitik doon. He darted Sophia a killer stare when she tried to play innocent.

"You're idling!" Angal nito.

"Then blame your 'flimsy and aah ... soft' lingerie!" He retaliated while holding his injured nose. His scowl slowly turning to a grin when she blushed furiously. Always the timid type. He thought, then pinch one of his wife's blushing cheeks.

"Ewan ko sayo!" She said her signature words like she always do whenever she feel embarrased. "So are you done? Bilisan mo para makaalis na tayo."

He knew that she's just playing pissed to cover her embarrasment. He knew his bae too well, but still he'll let her.

"Almost. I just can't choose between these two." Itinaas niya ang kanina pang hawak na blue and white t-shirt. "What do you think? Should I just get the white?" Tanong niya dito.

Ngayon niya lang napansin na may hawak din pala itong black T-shirt. She's asking him kung gusto ba daw niya iyon. He think for a while. He's not really into black. It was very rare of him to wear black, and those rare times is when he's going to a business transaction. It's just too dull for his liking.

He prefer something bright, not too bright, pero hindi yung mukha siyang naglukuksa. I don't want to give people a hint of what I'm feeling inside.

He almost jolted with the sudden sting he felt inside ng maalala ang ilang bahagi ng kanyang masakit na nakaraan. He'd been trying to conceal his past, trying hard to forget and move on. Its one of the reasons kung bakit lubos ang pasasalamat niya na dumating sa buhay niya si Sophia at ang kambal. It made it easy for him to move on. They became his reason.

He politely rejected the shirt she's offering and just picked the white T-shirt.

"But ..." She trailed. "I thought you love black."

"Hmm?" Hindi niya ito maintindihan. Wala siyang maalala na sinabi niyang paborito niya ang kulay black nor even liked it.

"Nothing, don't mind me. Maybe I was just imagining things." Umiling iling ito. But he don't believe her. He knew her wife too well, and he knew that something's wrong. He just can't point his finger on it at the moment.

She shifted her gaze from him. Nagunot ang noo nito, a reaction she makes sa tuwing may nakikita ito na hindi nito nagugustuhan. Sinundan niya ang tingin nito, and his forehead creased as well. Nakatutok kasi ang tingin nito kay Nickolas who was oblivious on their scrutinizing stares, and was busy scanning among the black shirts. Sa likod nito ay nakasunod ang isang saleslady na halatang natatakot dito, not that he could blame her.

Hindi maipaliwanag ni Sophia ang nararamdaman. Sa tanang buhay niya ay ngayon lang siya naguluhan ng ganito, not that she could remember half of it. Pero hindi niya na alam kung ano ba ang dapat na isipin. There were chances na ang mga bagay pinaniniwalaan niya ay hindi pala ang totoo.

Who would she believe?

Bakit ba kasi kailangang lahat ng katangian na meron ang lalaki sa kanyang alaala ay mayroon din si Nickolas? It's just too consistent to be leveled as coincidence.

Tiningnan niya si Nickolas na nakaupo sa harapan ng sasakyan katabi ni Clarence na kasalukuyang nagmamaneho. They were talking about the hotel again, while she was seated at the back of the car alone.

Mula kasi sa mall kanina ay dumiretso na sila sa site kung saan itatayo ang hotel, then they went to a restaurant for their lunch.

During their lunch, she saw Nickolas removing the skin from his chicken.

Just like the man in her memories.

It was absurd to believe him. Kapag naniwala siya dito, at sa mga sinabi nito noon, masisira ang buhay na binuo niya. Magsisimula na naman siya umpisa.

Pero buo na nga ba siya?

A part of her still wants to be known.

Kung maniniwala siya kay Nickolas what will be the assurance that she will be happy and won't regret everything after?

But if she would stick to her life, the turmoil in her will just continue. The 'what if's' together with her foggy memories will just keep on bugging her hanggang siya na mismo ang sumuko.

Ayaw niyang magbago ang buhay na meron siya ngayon, but she knew that the moment she met Nickolas, something had changed, she's just not yet ready to accept it.

Sa kalagitnaan ng kanilang biyahe, she told Clarence to stop the car sa katabing establishment. May nakalimutan kasi siyang bilhin para sa kambal. Ang balak niya kasi talaga ay sa Sichee bilhin ang garment na yun. She love how its fabrics feel like home.

Akala niya ay walang branch ang Sichee sa lugar na yun, but she's grateful na meron naman pala.

Tinanong nila, she mean, tinanong ni Clarence si Nickolas if he wanted to join them inside, but lucky for her, he declined. Sabi nito ay sa kotse na lamang daw ito since he has to make a certain call. She wonder kung sino ang tatawagan nito?

Girlfriend? She unconsciously grimaced with the thought. Mabilis niya ring inayos ang itsura ng mapansing papasok na sila ng Sichee.

Masyado siyang engrossed sa sariling isipin about Nickolas and his girlfriend, na hindi niya napansing hindi na pala sumusunod sa kanya si Clarence. She looked back on him. Nangunot ang noo niya, yet she instantly became worried when she noticed how he stopped dead on his track. Namumutla ang mukha nito na tila ba nakakita ito ng multo. He certainly look like a man in pain.

Nakatutok sa isang direksyon ang mga mata nito.

"Gabrielle ..."

A voice called Clarence in his second name. Nakita niya kung paanong mula sa sakit ay nabalot ng galit ang mga mata ng asawa.

What's happening? She wondered.

Susundan niya sana kung saan nagmula ang boses na yun, pero mabilis siyang nahila ni Clarence palabas ng lugar na yun. She was totally ripped off her chance to see kung sino ba ang lalaking yun.

"Bae, anong nangyayari? Bakit tayo umaalis?" Pinipigilan niya ang kamay nitong humihila sa kanya. She's waiting for his answer, pero tila bingi ito at walang naririnig. Nagpatuloy lang ito sa paglalakad habang nakayuko. "Bae, talk to me!" Hindi parin ito sumasagot.

"We need to go." Mababa ang boses nito ng sumagot.

Go? No! She can't be clueless forever! She needs to know kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari.

Unti-unti ng nauubos ang pasensiya niya. Nagpumiglas siya

pagkakahawak nito. She stopped on her track kasama nito.

"Clarence! No!" She finally called him in his name. "I need to know what happened in there! You knew that you can't hide this from me forever. Do you?! Kung nakalimutan ko man, pwes ipaalala mo! Ano ba talagang nangyari? You can't just drag me away and expect that I won't say anything after, right?!" She was practically yelling at him.

"Not now."

"No." Pagmamatigas niya. "I want it, NOW." She demanded firmly. Pero hindi niya inaasahan ang sumunod na nangyari.

He finally raised his head, showing his now bloodshot eyes. His cheeks were flushed and wet. He look so sad and defeated. "Bae ..." He croaked. Namumula ang ilong nito at nanginginig ang mga labi. Alam niya na sa kabila ng itsura nito ngayon, pinipigilan parin nitong wag tuluyang bumigay.

Tila kinurot ang puso niya sa nasaksihan. Her face softened as she pulled him for a comforting hug, silently blaming herself for being so insensitive. Nahihirapan na ang asawa niya, pero ayun siya't sinisisi pa ito. How could she be so cruel?

"Bae, let's just go please?" Pakiusap nito habang nakayakap sa kanya. He's like a child so lost. Agad niya itong tinanguan, as she rub his back to somehow soothe his pain.

Hindi niya muna ito pipilitin ngayon. Hindi niya muna pipigain dito kung ano ba talaga ang problema, but at the right time, she surely will. She needs to know because she wants to be a wife for him.

They were hugging for minutes, completely oblivious sa nagbabagang tingin ni Nickolas mula sa di 

       NAGISING si Sophia sa mumunting galaw na naramdaman niya sa kama. She'd been too drained simula ng makarating sila sa bahay at hindi niya na napansing nakaidlip na pala siya sa sofa sa loob ng kwarto. Nagmulat siya ng mata and was greeted with a drool from Flame. "Eew~" Pinunasan niya ang laway na nasa mukha at  tsaka mabilis na umupo para kilitiin si Flame. Tawa ito ng tawa and she was grinning with satisfaction. Looking at the other side of the sofa, she saw Frost with a poker face. "Little miss grumpy is on huh?" Tuluyan na siyang tumayo and fixed herself.

She checked the time at nagulat pa siya ng ma-realize na alas-nuebe na ng gabi. Apat na oras siyang nakatulog! She looked at her twin. Oras na ng pagtulog ng dalawa, but where the hell is her husband?

Then naalala niya ang mga pangyayari kanina bago sila umuwi. Is he still depressed? She hope not.

She hadn't fully understand what happened at hindi na siya nagkaroon pa ng pagkakataong magtanong. Hindi ito umimik o nagsalita man lang mula ng umalis sila sa lugar na yun. It was like having his own world. She didn't bother him, but she was hopeful that soon he would open up to her, dahil kung hindi, siya mismo ang gagawa ng paraan.

Nagpalit siya ng damit, tucked the twin in their bed, at pinatulog ang dalawa. It took a while bago mapatulog ang kambal dahil medyo hyper ang mga ito, but fortunately inantok din naman sila. She kissed them goodnight bago bumaba to check kung nasaan na ang kanyang asawa.

She looked for him at his room, sa sala, sa kusina, pero wala parin ito. Where the hell could that pig be?

Then she heard grunting. Sinundan niya ang tunog hanggang da makarating siya sa veranda. There she found Clarence together with Nickolas na nakaupo sa lamesa. Sa gitna ng dalawa ay nagkalat ang empty cans ng root beers. Clarence already passed out at nakasubsob na sa lamesa.

"What happened?" Tanong niya kay Nickolas na umiinom parin ng beer in can, unlike Clarence, mukha pa naman itong matino.

"Dunno." He answered lamely. Ni hindi man lang ito nag-abalang tapunan siya ng tingin. "Bigla na lang siyang nag-aya, and who am I to complain? I'm just an outsider. Someone replaced and long forgotten." He said. His words laced with pain. Pinili niyang wag na lang pansinin ang pasaring nito.

Nagkamali siya, hindi na pala ito matino.

"May sinabi ba siya o kinwento sayo?" Sa isipin na kay Nickolas nagkwento si Clarence at hindi sa kanya, parang gusto niyang kalmutin ang asawa.

"Yeah." He answered and her blood instantly boiled. "Pero hindi ko masiyadong maintindihan. He's talking about something like, 'bastard' 'fvcking useless bastard'." Nangunot ang noo niya. Things just became more and more complicated for her to comprehend.

Inakay niya si Clarence paakyat sa kwarto, pero nakakaisang hakbang pa lamang siya when she heard Nickolas laughed. Pero lang hindi yun ang kumuha ng atensiyon niya, it's the way he laughed. It's hallow yet full of bitterness. If that's even possible.

"Seriously Shiinel?" His voice croaked. She was about to correct him and say that its Sophia and not Shiinel, pero agad siyang napigilan nito. "No! Just let me ... just let me please. Pagkatapos nito, I promise you, hindi na kita kukulitin, I would never ever bother you kung yun ang gusto mo."

Pano kung hindi yun ang gusto ko?

Kinailangan niya pang kagatin ang dila para hindi tuluyang masabi ang mga salitang yun. That would just be plain stupid. Kaya imbes na sumagot ay hinayaan niya na lamang ito.

"Just hear me out. Let me have this one." Patuloy nito. "Shiinel ..." The way he said that name, punung-puno iyon ng pangungulila at pagmamahal na hindi niya mapigilang mainggit. "Why can't it just be me again huh? Bakit hindi na lang ako ulit?"

Natulala siya sa sinabi nito. She didn't see that coming. Bumukas sara ang bibig niya, trying to formulate some words. Nang sa wakas ay magsasalita na siya, bigla naman itong tumawa.

"Pathetic." Umiling-iling ito na tila hindi makapaniwala sa sarili. He really was drunk, she could see it. "I'm so pathetic."

"Nickolas ..." She finally got her tongue, but was interfered again.

"Before, I thought the hardest part of my life is when I lost you, when I thought you died and would never coming back. But guess what? I thought it wrong ... dahil tng*na! Mas masakit pala na makita yung taong mahal mo, yung taong dating sayo na may kasamang iba. Yung alam mong malapit lang siya sayo, but you can't even touch her ... kasi wala ka ng karapatan." His every word seems to cut her soul. Nang tuluyan nitong iangat ang mukha para salubungin ang mga tingin niya, she almost gasped when she saw tears flowing on his cheeks. His face was contorted in pure pain. He's in pain at nasasaktan siya para dito. "The worst part is, kuntento na siya. It's so hard to accept na hindi ka na niya kailangan when for you, she's your everything. Just how fvcking good is that?!"

"You were mine Shiinel." He hissed.

"I...i" Wala siyang maapuhap na sabihin. Not when he's still crying! Ayaw gumana ng utak niya. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang unang iisipin. "I was never yours." Those words seem bitter in her tongue. Tila ayaw nilang lumabas.

Naaawa siya dito. Ang gusto niyang gawin ng mga oras na yun ay lapitan ito at aluin. Yakapin ito at sabihing nasasaktan din siya, but she just can't. Gusto niya na sa kahit huling hibla na lang ng pagtitimpi niya, pinaglaban niya ang sinisigaw ng isip niya, ang kung ano ang alam niyang tama.  Hawak niya si Clarence at hindi niya ito pwedeng basta iwanan na lang. Isa pa, hindi niya rin sigurado kung yun nga ba talaga ang tamang gawin.

"I decided to let you go."

That got her attention and straightened her tangled mind.

"Huh?!" Sagot niya na agad niyang pinagsisihan.

"I don't want to be selfish. Inisip ko na, kung saan ka masaya, I'll be there for you no matter how it fvckin hurts. I want you to have the love I deprived you. I want you to be happy, but that would never happen kung patuloy kong ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sayo."

No!

She shouted inwardly. Ayaw niya ng mga sinasabi nito. She simply doesn't want him to let go.

Magulo siya, alam niya. She's a fickle minded b***h, but that's just the way she feels. Hindi lahat ng oras kaya niyang panindigan ang sinasabi ng isip niya. This is what her heart say.

"I realized---

"I'll be back." She immediately cut him out. Ayaw niya ng makarinig pa ng iba mula dito. She just wanted him to stop blabbing. Isa pa, ramdam niya ang pangangawit dahil nakaalalay parin siya kay Clarence. She's just lucky na halos kalahati ng timbang nito ay nakasandal sa balustre, dahil kung hindi ay baka kanina pa siya natumba sa bigat nito.

Nickolas smiled bitterly. "You'll be back? You said that once before you left." She shifted her glance from Clarence to him. "Sana lang ngayon totoo na." His eyes are full of sorrow. They were begging her. "Because I'll wait Shii, god knows I will."

Tumango siya dito at tsaka dahan-dahang inakay si Clarence paakyat. Kita niya sa mga mata nito ang pagdadalawang-isip kung hahayaan nga ba talaga siyang umalis o hindi. The way his eyes moved, para itong isang bata na napapanuod ang isang pangyayaring ayaw na sana nitong maulit muli.

With a bit of hesitation, tuluyan niya na ngang iniwan sa veranda si Nickolas at hinatid sa kwarto si Clarence.

Nilinisan niya ang katawan nito, pinalitan ng damit at tsaka ito hinayaang makatulog ng mahimbing. After a while, she just sat there, kaharap ng natutulog na si Clarence. Her mind were still tangled. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng narinig, mas lalo siyang naguluhan kung ano ba dapat ang maramdaman.

Akala niya noon, she had her plan firm and ready to be executed, pero sa simpleng tingin lang ni Nickolas, she had it all crampled and useless.

Gusto niya munang kalmahin ang sarili. Gusto niyang maayos na siya at diretso ang isip niya bago ito muling kausapin. Ayaw niya ng maramdaman yung naramdaman niya kanina. Yung tipong para siyang tanga na nauutal at hindi alam kung ano yung susunod na sasabihin.

She need a little rest. Isa pa, hindi naman maliit na tao si Clarence para hindi siya mapagod ng akayin ito.

After a little while, ng sa tingin niya ay kaya niya na. She stood up and was ready for her war when suddenly, his hand got her.

Napalingon siya sa natutulog na asawa.

"Bae ..." He voiced. Pinaghalong paos at basag ang boses nito. "Stay here please." He begged.

Pero si Nickolas ...

Sagot ng isip niya ng maalala ang lalaking alam niyang nag-aantay sa kanya sa baba.

Pero asawa mo siya ...

Sagot naman ng isang bahagi ng utak niya.

Yeah, she know that. Pero si Nickolas, hinihintay siya ni Nickolas!

"Bae please ... I need you here." His eyes are begging for comfort. Napabuntong hininga siya, pero sa huli ay tumabi din siya kay Clarence na agad namang yumakap sa kanya. "I love you bae." He murmured.

"I love you too." Sagot niya. She felt him kissed her hair bago siya tuluyang lukubin ng dilim.

Si Nickolas...

She thought before she finally drifted to sleep.

Madaling araw ng muling magising si Sophia. Agad niyang tiningnan ang oras at halos liparin niya na ang pintuan ng makitang ala-una na ng madaling araw!

Si Nickolas!

Patakbo siyang lumabas ng pintuan ng kwarto, then she suddenly stopped.

Pano kung umalis na siya? She wondered. But he said he'll wait right?

Pero paano kung nakatulog na nga siya?

She also said she'll be back, pero hayun siya't nakatulog, so she don't have the right na magalit kung sakali mang umalis na nga ito.

But it won't hurt if she'll try right? Kung wala siya don, eh di wala.

Dahan-dahan siyang bumaba papunta sa veranda ng bahay, giving her best para hindi makabulabog. Kahit papaano ay umaasa parin naman siyang nandoon parin si Nickolas. A part of her hopes na sana totoong naghihintay nga ito sa kanya.

Her heart almost fell in disappointment ng makitang bakante na ang mesang kinauupuan ni Nickolas kanina.

Of course umalis na yun! Ikaw lang naman tong tanga na iniisip na maghihintay nga siya! Stupid!

"Stupid, stupid." Bulong niya habang Nakatungong naglakad pabalik sa kwarto. She was too preoccupied with her inside war na hindi na niya napansin ang bulto na nakaharang sa daan niya.

"You came back." That was all he said.

Her body stiffen ng marinig niya ang pamilyar na boses. He's here!

Nag-angat siya ng mukha para salubungin ang mga tingin nito. "Nickolas ..." Anas niya, hindi makapaniwalang naghintay nga ang lalaki.

"I told you I'll wait." Ngumiti ito and she did the same.

Matagal silang nagkatinginan, and it was too late before they even realized that their both wanting lips just met.

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Gee❤️