Happier than Ever

The Difference Between Us

Thursday morning arrived with a gray sky hanging over Santa Monica.

Riley stood in front of her bedroom mirror, adjusting the sleeves of the oversized black hoodie.

She looked tired.

She had barely slept.

Not because she was worried about school.

But because she had spent most of the night thinking about Lauriette.

The goodnight message, the smily face, the hug from yesterday.

Riley knew those things were small.

She also knew she was making them bigger than they were.

Still, she couldn't stop.

She grabbed her backpack and headed downstairs.

Her phone buzzed before she could leave.

Lauriette:

Are you at school yet?

Riley smiled immediately.

Riley:

Not yet. why?

Lauriette:

Can you save me a seat at lunch?

Riley's heart lifted.

Riley:

yeah.

She put her phone away.

For the rest of the walk to school, she couldn't stop smiling.

Maybe Jordan was wrong. Maybe Lauriette really did care about her.

Maybe this was becoming something real.

Riley didn't know what she wanted to call it. She only knew she wanted more.

When Riley reached school, Jordan was already waiting near the entrance.

"You look suspiciously happy," Jordan said.

"I'm just in a good mood."

"Why?"

Riley hesitated.

"Lauriette texted me."

Jordan's smile disappeared.

"Of course she did."

Riley frowned.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Jordan."

Jordan sighed.

"What did she want?"

"She asked me to save her a seat at lunch."

Jordan stared at her.

"And that made your whole morning?"

"No."

"You smiled when you read the message."

Riley looked away.

"So?"

"So you're falling harder."

Riley didn't respond.

Jordan stepped closer.

"Riley, I'm not saying Lauriette is a bad person."

"I know."

"But you need to understand something."

"What?"

"You've made her more important to you than she has made you."

The words hit harder than Riley expected.

"How would you know?"

"Because I watch."

Riley crossed her arms.

"You don't know what happens when I'm not around you."

"I know enough."

"No, you don't."

Jordan looked at her for a moment.

"Then tell me I'm wrong.'

Riley opened her mouth.

Nothing came out.

At lunch, Riley arrived early. She found a table and placed her backpack on the seat beside her. A few minutes later, Lauriette arrived with Chloe.

Riley smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey!" Lauriette said.

She sat down beside Riley.

Chloe sat across from them.

For a moment, Riley felt like everything was exactly how she wanted it.

Then Ethan walked over.

Lauriette's face immediately lit up.

"Baby!"

Riley's stomach dropped.

Ethan leaned down and kissed Lauriette on the forehead.

Riley looked at her food.

She suddenly wasn't hungry.

Ethan sat beside Lauriette and started talking about something that had happened in his class.

Lauriette laughed.

Riley listened silently.

Every time Lauriette touched Ethan's arm, Riley noticed.

Every time Lauriette looked at him, Riley noticed.

Every time he made her laugh, Riley noticed.

She hated herself for noticing.

Chloe looked across the table at Riley.

"You okay?"

Riley nodded.

"Yeah."

"You haven't eaten."

"I'm not hungry."

Lauriette glanced at her.

"You sure?"

Riley forced a smile.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Lauriette smiled and turned back to Ethan.

Riley looked down.

I'm fine.

She had become very good at saying those words.

After lunch, Riley caught up with Lauriette in the hallway.

"Hey."

Lauriette turned.

"What's up?"

Riley hesitated.

"I thought you were going to sit with me."

Lauriette looked confused.

"I did."

"I mean....... just us."

Lauriette laughed softly.

"Riley, I told Chloe to come too."

"Oh."

"And Ethan happened to be there."

"Yeah."

There was an awkard silence. Lauriette tilted her head.

"Are you upset?"

"No."

"Okay."

Riley wanted to say something. She wanted to tell Lauriette that she hated watching her with Ethan.

She wanted to tell her that every time Lauriette called Ethan "baby", something inside her broke.

But she couldn't. Instead, she smiled.

"I'm good."

Lauriette smiled back.

"Good."

Then she watched her disappear down the hallway.

For the first time, Riley wondered if Lauriette even noticed how much Riley was trying.

After school, Riley met Jordan outside the gates.

Jordan immediately noticed her expression.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Riley."

Riley sighed.

"She invited Chloe."

"Who?"

"To lunch."

"And?"

"And Ethan came."

Jordan shook her head.

"You're jealous."

"I'm not."

"You are."

Riley looked away.

"Maybe."

Jordan became quiet.

"Do you know what the problem is?"

"What?"

"You keep waiting for Lauriette to treat you like you're special."

Riley swallowed.

"Maybe I am special to her."

"Maybe."

Jordan's answer suprised her.

"But being special to someone isn't the same as being important to them in the way you want."

Riley looked at her.

Jordan continued.

"You want her to choose you."

Riley said nothing.

"You want her to text you first."

Silence.

"You want her to look at you the way she looks at Ethan."

Riley's eyes dropped.

"And you want her to need you."

Riley whispered, "stop."

"I'm your best friend. I'm not going to lie to you."

Riley turned away.

"I don't know what you want me to do."

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Just stop trying so hard."

Riley shook her head.

"I can't."

"Why?"

Riley looked at her.

Because she didn't know how to explain it.

Because Lauriette had somehow become part of every thought she had.

Because Riley had started measuring her days by Lauriette's attention.

Because letting go felt like loosing something she had never even owned.

"I just can't", she whispered.

Jordan's expression softened.

"You can."

Riley looked down.

"Maybe I don't want to."

That evening, Riley was doing homework when another message appeared.

Lauriette:

Heyyy, are you busy?

Riley responded immediately.

Riley:

No. what's up?

Lauriette:

Can you send me the answers to the history questions?

Riley stared at the screen. She had already completed them. It would take less than a minute.

She sent the answers.

Lauriette:

You're literally the best(with a heart emoji)

Riley smiled.

Then another message appeared.

Lauriette:

Could you also help me with my english essay?

Riley looked at the clock. It was nearly ten.

She had an assignment of her own.

She hesitated.

Then typed:

Riley:

Sure.

She opened her laptop. For then next hour, Riley helped Lauriette with her essay.

When they finished, Lauriette sent one final message.

Lauriette:

Thank youuuuuu. I owe you.

Riley smiled.

Riley:

It's okay.

She closed the laptop.

Her own homework was still unfinished. She stared at it. Then at her phone.

She realized something that made her chest feel strangely heavy.

Lauriette had needed her again. And Riley was happy.

Not because she had helped someone. But because Lauriette had needed her.

That was the difference.

Riley wasn't just becoming attached to Lauriette. She was becoming attached to being useful to her.

And somewhere deep inside, Riley knew that wasn't the same thing as being loved.