Holiday Hell

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Harry didn't remember choosing to go back to his room. Even when he arrived back, he didn't feel like he was back there, really. He felt like he was still back at the scene of the horrible tragedy, standing over the sprawled body of Jenn, unable to move. He had to grasp onto the chair, the table, the window ledge - anything to ground himself down in reality to prove to himself that he was no longer at that scene. He couldn't believe a tragedy such as this could happen. He felt himself become even more guilty when he realised she too was vacationing alone. He should have demanded to go into the ambulance with her as she would have no family or friends to accompany her. He should have gone to the hospital, stayed by her side while they did whatever they needed to do for that. She would have appreciated that so much. It was way too late for that now. His cowardice had let him down once again. Really, he should have been used to that by now but he regretted the fact he was such a disappointment. He wanted to turn back time, to hold her hand throughout the whole thing. To be there for her when nobody else was. It felt really sickening to him that she would have to wake up alone. He would want somebody else to do the same for him. It was his fault. IT WAS all his fault. There was absolutely no denying it.

A rapid thumping against the door sent all of his anxieties to him. Still feeling as though he was in an iridescent sate, he knew who it was at the door. It was the man in the shroud who was deemed to take him to the Underworld for all of eternity. A man like Harry had no right to be on this earth. Any sense of happiness he had felt on this day was merely his taste of honey, a glimpse of what his life could have been had he led a worthy and noble life. Harry was incapable of doing this of course, what with his innate selfish nature and inconsideration of the thoughts of feelings of himself. Even now he was wallowing in self-pity of not going with Jenn and not even considering the utter agony she must have been going from. This had the effect of making him hate himself even more. It was endless cycle, it was a feeling he was incapable of erasing. He wanted to open the door, to let the demons enter the room and drag him down to Hell. It was the only thing he deserved. He was not entitled to a moment of happiness. This punishment for him was the only fit worthy. He welcomed death like he welcomed the morning sun. It was only natural, it was a part of every date. It was what he needed right now. The only way to justify what had happened.

As he made his way to the door, he pressed his head thankfully against the wooden wall. It was his time and he would be eternally grateful. This was the only answer of what was to happen for him right now. His punishment was right and fitting. But once he swung the door open, eyes closed and awaiting his imperfect yet perfect fate, he was met with another sense of raw pain. Not one of eternal damnation, but one of reality and facing the truth of his actions. Because it wasn't Grim at the door. It was the girl who he had feared was the one he hurt, completely fine. Her mouth was in the thinnest line of a smile, forced and attempting to be friendly. She uttered a hello and he suddenly felt shame at his melodramatic actions. Of course, Death wasn't waiting for him. That would be way too easy. He was damned to endure the judgement of the girl he now cared about most. That was the way Life decided to damn him, in a less permanent but much more painful sense. He released a sigh.

"I know I shouldn't be here, but I just had to come and see you," explained Daisy, her voice dark yet hollow. The seriousness was so out of character he struggled to compared it. "I just had to. I know you and her were friends so I just had to come and see if you were OK."

He shrugged. "Friends may be too strong a word."

Confusion spread across Daisy's innocent blue eyes. "Oh?"

"I met her on the plane. We spoke twice. i would hardly call that a friendship."

Harry's attempt to sound non-chalet made himself cringe. It was more to convince himself than anything that his relationship to that girl meant nothing at all. It was so far from the truth considering the fact that even now he was sniffing tears away at the thought of her lying in the hospital alone. He wished he could turn his empathy off like a tap but it was not a possibility for a guy as overly-sensitive as him. He felt ashamed at his ability to feel so much for other people. To some, it may have been a great characteristic to show how he was capable of feeling. To most, it must have been pathetic.

It was clear Daisy saw past his facade. "Do you mind if I come in?"

Harry raised his eyebrow.

"I know I really shouldn't. It's against hotel policy. But I think in this case... it should be allowed."

Harry knew that Daisy was making this stuff up as she went along but he really did not mind. He let her through the door and smelt her fresh rose perfume as she did. God, she even smelt beautiful. How had he got so damn lucky? He couldn't believe it.

She brushed down his bed and then sat down, empathy and sadness painted in her eyes., Neither spoke for a while, unsure of exactly what to say.

Daisy took a deep breath and then went on, "I didn't know her very well. I don't really know why i came here. I know it's a tragedy and all but..."

Harry knew her true motives for coming here. "You used it as an excuse to come here and talk about last night, didn't you?"

Daisy gulped. He had saw right through her ploy. Suddenly, she began to feel ashamed of herself. She had no idea why she came actually, she just found herself drawn to talk to him again. She really didn't know what she felt about him but she knew that she did want to talk to him and only him that day. It was such a bizarre inexplicable feeling.

"Did you have fun?" he heard himself ask then winced immediately at his words. He sounded like a Dad asking his daughter if she enjoyed playing in the ball pit at a kid's birthday part. It felt so forced, so unnaturally. He never really had a way with his words.

She smiled regardless, appreciating that he was trying. That counted more than anything. "I did. Yeah. Did you?"

"I barely remember most of it, to be honest," sighed Harry.

Shame rushed to Daisy's cheeks and she felt herself become physically smaller. "Oh."

He detected immediately that she had misread what he had said. "No... I remember-- I remember the --- If you remember, I mean. I remember that what happened... between us."

Daisy perked up once again, perhaps proud or happy that he did in fact remember. It seemed to mean something to her, something that she was incapable of explaining aloud to anybody else. For some reason, that kiss was more than just a drunken expression of love. It felt like it was meant to happen, like the whole night was leading up to them doing that. It was innocent, pure, perfect. The fact that he remembered too seemed to indicate to her that it meant more to him too. Maybe that was the reason why she found herself drawn to his hotel room that day more than anything. Maybe that was the validation she was searching for.

"I remember the kiss," he finally admitted out loud. It felt like a weight off his chest to see the smirk rise on Daisy's face. She wasn't laughing at him, she seemed to happy. In a moment of joy, he sunk down on the best beside her and they both began to laugh. She found herself reaching into his hand and holding onto it. She sunk her head on his shoulder and giggled, a giggle so childish and pure that it sent his heart floating. He felt so ecstatic, so happy like the whole catastrophic had not happened. Now, he was with her, everything seemed OK. She was the comfort he had been searching for. The girl who he knew was more than just a silly little fling. She remembered the kiss. That meant everything.

He wasn't drunk this time. He didn't have the buzz of the alcohol to influence his decision. he had nothing that he could blame his instinctual nature on. So, he took the plunge. He took Daisy's face in his hands and put his lips against hers. It was passionate, it was beautiful. Her laughter had faded and they were enveloped in this serious moment of pure love and devotion. He could feel her close to him and wrapped his arms around her head, pulling her closer and closer. She squirmed and he took it for nervous excitement, perhaps laughing at the fact he was so willing to take the plunge unlike last night. It took him a few moments to realise that she was actually struggling, pushing him away from him. It was too late before he realised. She snatched her away from him and he was met, not with a grateful loom of love and devotion, but one of anger and utter complete range.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" yelled Daisy. Never before had he seen her so angry. He hadn't thought of her to be capable of such extreme emotion. her eyebrows were drawn, eyes narrow and full of resentment. Her stance was firmed, like an animal preparing for an attack. He couldn't breathe. Couldn’t speak. couldn't do anything at all. All he could do as watch.

"I'm the receptionist! This is so inappropriate. If anyone was to walk in right now, there would be hell to pay. Harry - you don't even understand how crucial this is. For god's sake, i could lose my job. It's really not worth the whole trouble. Hell, I barely f*****g know you. It's not worth all the s**t this would cause. God, I was such an i***t. Coming into your room like this... what was I thinking?" Her rage against him dissolved into recognisable self-hatred towards nobody else but herself. She exhaled, out of breath. "How could I do this? Jesus Christ, how stupid of me. I'm sorry I led you on like this bu... This would never, ever work. Not in a million years. Not like this. Not if I want to be able to pay my rent. It's not fair but this is the way this had to be. Just forget it all, Harry. Forget today. Forget last night. It meant nothing, OK? Nothing at all. I have to go back to my job now. I have a few families that need checking in. This is goodbye, Harry. Don't even bother to try and fix this, OK? It's unfixable and it's not your fault. OK. OK."

With that, she was gone. Leaving him alone in his room too big for just one. He felt the sickness return to him and somehow that little bit of happiness made his whole situation even more bittersweet. Right now, he didn't even want death. H easnted to dissintergate from existence all together. He wanted to feel nothing, to be nothing.