The Girl I Once Loved

Chapter 5

Rafael's POV

"Dude," Will is practically yelling at me in the locker room.

We had finished gym class with no further incidents and then the guys and I had to get to football practice. Ain't no rest for us, even with the first day of school.

"I thought you were going to bang that chick, not humiliate her like that," he says.

"I f*****g hate her," I shot back angrily.

"You guys were best friends in grade school. What happened?" Jonathan asked me. He and I went to the same elementary school and knew who I was friends with. He has asked me before about my shift in behavior but nothing came of that conversation.

"You knew her before?" Will chimed in.

"I don't want to talk about it," I practically grit out. Why can't they just get off my nuts?

"There has to be something if you have that type of reaction," Will said.

Observant bastards.

I sigh and closed my locker.

"Honestly, you two, I don't know what the hell happened. All I know if that she left with not a single goodbye or explanation and suddenly my parents started to hate me. I swear she did something but I don't know what," I say exasperatedly. I never share much with them so this is all new to them.

"s**t, I'm sorry," Jonathan looked at me with sorrow. I hate that look from friends. I also hate the feeling of attachment. Telling them this much has made it seem like we were getting too personal. I couldn't let myself get that attached again.

"It's whatever. Forget it. Let's go to the diner. I'm starving." I say to my friends in hope for the distraction.

They agree and we all head out.

It is typical that after most practices, the football team and cheerleaders all head to this mom-and-pop diner that is located about 10 minutes from school. We head to our usual booths that already has everyone there.

"Hi Raf," Natasha came up to me in a seductive manner. She is about 5'7" with medium length brown hair and a very curvy body. She definitely knew how to use it. You may not realize how big her boobs are since the cheerleader uniform constricts it, but when she gets dressed up, I definitely cannot take my eyes off of them. She was always a good bang. And she understood that I don't want anything with strings attached.

Maybe I just need to let off some steam. I smirk at that.

"Hey, what's going on?" I flirted back with her. I can see the guys looking at me from my peripheral like I have no shame.

"I was wondering if you could lend me your math homework?" She asked. I knew we didn't have any math together, but I can't resist how funny she is trying to be discrete about wanting to bang here. But it sounds like she has an itch that needs to be scratch just as much as I do.

"Sure. Do you want me to give it now or later?" I said coolly. Two can totally play at this game.

"Now would be great," and she pulled my hand to lead us out of the diner. I sent a knowing wink to my friends. I hear them laughing as we exit the diner.

We head back to the ally for privacy. As soon as we are back there, Natasha pulls me to her and kisses me. We start to make out heavily, feeling each other up as I push her against the wall. It didn't take long for me to turn her around and bend her over. I pulled up her skirt as I pulled down my pants in one motion. I rolled on a condom and swiftly entered her. She let out a yelp but I didn't even bother waiting for her to adjust. It was common knowledge that I was not gentle, and this time was no different.

I don't know what was different about this time, but I was f*****g her rougher than I normally am. I don't know if I was hurting her or if she was enjoying it, but frankly I just didn't care right now. This was truly the way I had been letting out my frustrations and this time was no exception.

If anything, I felt myself losing it. It was a strange feeling that I was experiencing. I was thinking about Amara and wishing it was her. I had always wished it was just her. It was just unfortunate that Natasha happened to be the victim of circumstances right now.

I trusted harder and before long, I felt myself coming into the condom. I didn't even ask Natasha if she had finished. I felt disgusted with myself.

I took off the condom and pulled up my pants. I tossed the condom into the garbage can. Something inside me snapped and I suddenly grabbed the garbage can and threw it.

I felt this anger come over me and blinding me. All I could see was red and I knew I was throwing garbage cans and punching them. I was yelling as I was doing it.

I must have scared Natasha because she scampered off. But I didn't care. I felt so anger. With myself, with the world, with Amara.

While still going strong, I felt hands on me trying to hold me down. Natasha must have got Jonathan and Will. I can barely hear them telling me to calm down but I was still raging.

The longer they held me down, the more I felt that anger dissipate with no where to let it go. I could not fight them both even if they weren't holding me down.

"Breath Raf," Will pleads with me.

After a few deep breaths in and out, the dam broke. I cried heavily. Since everything started, I have never cried. Let alone in front of others.

They must have looked lost because I have never lost it like this before. But I didn't care.

I let out wails. They could not be contained any further. I was feeling everything.

Seeing Amara again was just that last straw. I was so hurt when she left. More than when everyone blamed me for her leaving and telling me I messed up.

Like why couldn't she tell me that she was leaving? That her family was moving away?

No, she just abruptly left. She broke my heart. I wanted to so badly tell her that I loved her and to ask her to be my girlfriend. I wanted her to be my first and only. But I was just reduced down to being some man w***e that couldn't get fully satisfied with any girl. They were just all meaningless encounters that fill an empty void.

I became a hot shot bad boy. I got all the attention from my peers but no adult would give me any acknowledgment. I could do whatever and get away with it.

Because of her, I could never commit to another girl. No girl ever interested me enough to want to get to know her.

The pain in my heart was just too much to bear that I was letting it all out with the crying.

It took sometime before I could finally calm down. Jonathan and Will stayed the whole time. I probably look like a mess.

They had removed their hands off of me as soon as busted into tears. They were just sitting quietly.

"Are-are you ok?" Will whispered, finally breaking the silence.

I had my knees up at a 45 degree angle, my forearms resting on my knees. I hung my head down and shook it.

"I'm so sorry," Jonathan says. "Is it about Amara?"

I can't manage to get out any words. I just simply nod my head.

I sigh and stand up. I don't say anything further and they don't push it.

I head out of the alley and go home.