Smoky sky

SEVENTEEN AGAIN!

Charlie was completely blindsided by this betrayal, she felt sick having wasted five years on this man. If he was honest with his feelings, she would have certainly been more accepting, but what she cannot accept is this.

She hates cheaters most in this world, her father was one and abandoned his wife and four kids when they were at the most vulnerable point in their lives. Charlie had to step up and helped mum with the siblings. Cheaters destroy families and lives.

Charlie left without giving him another chance to speak and went home to drink herself to oblivion.  When she woke up, she had a splitting headache and nauseous, Charlie seriously contemplated calling in sick, but when she checked her calendar, there are meetings that she cannot miss.

Charlie has always been a realist, neither pessimistic nor optimistic. She views life through a risk-based lens. It gives her the ability for strong decision-making skills but has confined her life to the status of monotony. 

Charlie's mother tended to be insecure and made some questionable decisions in the last couple of years. Being the eldest child of four and the pillar of support to her single mother at a very young age, Charlie has carried the burden beyond her years. 

This extraneous pressure had very gradually replaced her fiery personality with her current demure, considered, and mature self. She has a good job, no debt and on track for a promotion in a few years. Charlie thought that she is succeeding in life.

Last night Charlie realised that her lifestyle is dull and meaningless. She didn’t necessarily want to get married and have children or buy a house. She just knew that those were the things that normal stable and happy people are supposed to do.

Charlie had dreamt of travelling and exercising her creative potential to bring even a little impact to the world. But the reality of finding a job and stability conflicted with her dreams, so Charlie chose to settle down, trust the guy who was with her for five years, and one day they can fulfil their dreams together.

If Charlie was to be honest with herself, she was not hurt deeply by Louis’s actions. She drank to mourn for her five wasted years and the pitiful realisation that her life has not gone the way she dreamt. It only took the breakup to make her face the truth.

Back on the train, the heat and body odor surrounding Charlie has steadily increased, further suffocating her. She is not sure hold long she can last without throwing up on the poor passengers. Gripping the metal handle tighter she closed her eyes and tried to slow down her breathing and resist the motion sickness that is starting to overwhelm her. 

“Passengers please be advised that there is currently an issue with the air conditioning system. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

The automated recording coming out of the speaker elicited swear words and curses from some members of the crowed train.  Similarly, a rain of curses burst into Charlie’s mind, but she kept silent and maintaining an aloofness as if this didn’t affect her. Only visible tell-tale signs of a sweaty forehead and white hand devoid of blood firmly gripping on the metal railing shows Charlie's discomfort.  

As the train came to a stop at the next station, she made up her mind. She needed to get out urgently. Slowly she moved towards the door as it opens and squeezed herself out. She had no idea what stop this is, but she didn’t care. Not knowing what to do next after her impulsive decision, Charlie decided to find a place where she could sit peacefully for a while.

She knows that her mum will call her if she doesn’t arrive home in time for dinner, so she quickly took out her phone to text her so that she doesn’t get worried.

As Charlie walked and texted, she didn’t see two sports cars racing towards her. When she looked up it was too late, the first car drifted at an uncontrollable speed and flipped landing dramatically on the innocent bystander, directly crushing her under it.

“F**k!”

That was the last word she had time to utter before she instantly blacked out from the impact. Charlie felt a strong queasiness in her stomach, much worse than a hangover and strangely she felt a sense of being suspended in mid-air.

She desperately wants to throw up but can’t. This must be what death is like! It’s so bloody uncomfortable, hopefully it won’t last for eternity.

Then Charlie feels a light shine on her eyes, searing past her eyelids making Charlie to struggle to open her eyes and to the surrounding light.

Slowly she could see the white ceiling with delicately patterned plaster cornices of vines and flowers. The walls are a creamy white color with a computer table on the side. The wall has a poster of the periodic table and covered with lots of post-it notes. The other wall was plastered with handwritten notes on different subjects. 

Looking around further as she lifted her head from the pillow, here was a stack of textbooks and notebooks on the table, next to the big computer monitor. She hasn’t seen such a big monitor like that since her days in high school.

Charlie also remembered this was how she used to study. She had surrounded herself with revision notes from each subject to memorize. Doing a double take, Charlie’s eyes widen as she recognizes every object and fabric of her room. In her memory, it was not too long ago that she had these exact set of curtains and bedsheets.

When she went to university and made some money from her casual work, she bought new simple white materials to replace the childish bright cartoons that mum had chosen for her.  It was marker that she had become an adult despite still living at home.

She cursed silently in her head. This is exactly like her room layout during the last year of high school, specifically, the months she was taking her university entrance exams! Charlie bolted up and rushed to her wardrobe door mirror.

Oh my god! This is her when she was seventeen! Her long straight hair and cute side fringe was her signature look. She opened the wardrobe door and sure enough, there hung her school uniforms and favorite dresses.

She had given away these clothes when she finished university and had to make more room for her work suits! Charlie had regretted her impulsiveness to quickly shed her childhood and rush into becoming an adult. It was not worth it in Charlie’s opinion, being you and carefree is much more fun. Being an adult meant more taking on more responsibilities and bearing more judgements as each year passes.

Expletives runs silently through her head as she processes what had just happened. She was twenty-two when she got hit by that car and now, she has returned to five years earlier. She is seventeen again!