Her revengeful Bastard

The stortest betrothal

*Anna*

I hardly slept at all.

Sitting at a table in the gardens, reflecting on the tossing and turning and tangled mess of my sheets when I have finally arisen from my bed, all I can surmise is that my body had been in need of … fulfillment is the word that came to mind. It is as though spending so much time in the company of Kai Tempest had wound up my feminine yearnings until they felt a need to explode like a host of fireworks.

Guilt surges through me because I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. I shouldn’t have gone to see him, shouldn’t have allowed him to get so close, and most certainly should not have given into the temptation of his kiss. How is it that he manages to elicit all these urges when Kyle never did ? Quite possibly because he kissed me with far more enthusiasm than the Alpha’s son, that he gazes upon me as though I am his entire world. Kyle never looks at me with intense heat burning in his eyes, with desire and longing and … want. It is the last that unsettles me the most.

Because there is a secretive part of me that yearns for more than casual touches, a gentle press of lips and polite conversation. There is a part that longs for wickedness.

And Kai provides it. He is a…

I don’t know how to describe him: a scoundrel, a rake, a rogue. A man. A man who makes me very much aware that I am a woman. Even now memories of his touch, his mouth playing over mine, are enough to make me feel as though the sun has dropped from the sky and fallen into my lap.

“Not making any calls today ?”

Startled, I look up to see the Luna standing there. “No, I thought … I thought I would just enjoy the gardens and some tea …”. My own company for fear a stray thought of Kai Tempest might cause me to blush unbecomingly at inappropriate times. “Would you care to join me ?”

“You seem lost in thought. I wouldn’t want to intrude”. She says softly.

“You could never intrude. Please”. I begin pouring tea into an extra teacup that was on the tray when the servant brought it to me, as though they can’t envision me not being joined by someone. “I’ve grown quite bored with my own company already.”

The Luna sits elegantly and delicately, as she always does. A good strong wind would no doubt blow her away. “What were you thinking of ? Your wedding ?”

“In a manner. Did anyone other than the Alpha ever take your fancy ?” I nervously ask.

She smiles softly, as though in remembrance. “I had a swarm of suitors, but they were all pleasant, like a warm summer afternoon. Then I met Hedley, and he ignited a storm within me. With him, I felt alive”. She shakes her head. “It’s difficult to explain”. Her gaze zeroes in on me. “Are you having doubts ?”

I take hold of my teacup as though it can provide me with some sort of stability, when the bone china is likely to crumble if I hold on too tightly. “I do love Kyle. I just don’t know if it’s the sort of love a woman should have for a man she’s to marry. I suppose of late, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the intimacy of marriage …”. I release a self-conscious laugh. “… and I’m just having a difficult time envisioning it”. With Kyle.

“The experience can be quite lovely. I’m certain Kyle will lead you into it gently”. Averting my gaze, she sips her tea, a blush creeping along her cheeks. I realize she probably is not at all comfortable contemplating her son in bed with her ward. Not that I blame her.

“Do you think the Alpha cared for anyone before you ?” I can’t help but ask.

The Luna sighs. “It’s quite possible. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know, but ladies adored him. He was so handsome and charming. I could hardly fault them”. She sits her cup down and holds my gaze. “Yes, I suspect there was someone before me. But whoever she was, she couldn’t hold on to him. And since we’ve married, he’s never strayed and that’s what matters”. Reaching across the table, she places her hand over mine. “Love grows with time and deepens over the years. You’ll have struggles and challenges, but you’ll lean on each other and your relationship will grow stronger”.

I worry that the trials we may face will not be ones we could easily overcome … not when we are the result of one person’s actions, actions that can be controlled, altered, changed if he so chooses, which he apparently does not.

“I’ve always thought of Kyle as a dear friend, as my … destiny”. She laughs lightly, embarrassed by the absurd remark. “I’ve never looked at anyone else, never considered anyone else, never doubted Kyle’s devotion to me or mine to him”.

“Are you doubting now ? Has he done something to warrant your qualms ?” She asks softly.

How can I tell his mother about the lost pearls and comb ? “I’m certain the reservations rest with me, with my recent worry that I’ve not experienced enough of life to know for certain I’m making the correct decision. I’ve never spent any considerable time in the company of another gentleman”.

The Luna jerks her head back as though she has been punched. “Well, proper she-wolves don’t, of course”.

“Proper she-wolves often have an assortment of suitors call on them and sit in the parlor enjoying each other’s company. I’ve never welcomed another’s interest”. Another harsh laugh. “Although to be honest, no one ever asked to call on me. Everyone always assumes Kyle is it for me. I fear I’ve missed out on courting rituals that are designed to help a woman choose”.

“You’ve grown up with Kyle. I daresay there is little about him you don’t know”. She points out.

Only there are some things, some horrible things if I am honest. The night before last, I saw an unflattering side to him. “How do we ever learn everything there is to know about a person ?” Without question I do know a good many things about Kai Tempest.

“I doubt we ever do. Not really”. The final words are said softly as she turns her attention back to the gardens. “That’s not a bad thing, necessarily. We all have our secrets”.

But shouldn’t I know everything about the person I am going to marry ?

The Luna reaches for her tea, turns her head slightly and smiles. “Well, speak of the devil”.

Glancing over my shoulder, I see Kyle walking toward us. He looks considerably better than he did the last time I saw him. I am glad his expression reflects a bit of contriteness.

“Mother”. He says, leaning down and bussing a quick kiss to the Luna’s cheek. Finally, he looks at me. “Anna. I hope you’re well today”.

“I am. Quite”. A lie. I’m tired, grumpy and confused. Two men are responsible for all three. I am rather put out with both.

“Mother, would you give me a moment alone with my betrothed ?” He asks.

“Of course”. She says, smiling brightly at me as though to say that everything is alright, that all will be well, that my life with Kyle will be extraordinary. “It’s nearly two. Time for your father and I to take our daily stroll through the gardens”.

Elegant and graceful, she wanders off to inspect the roses, providing us with privacy.

Kyle takes the chair his mother has left empty, sitting across from me. “I know you’re put out with me”.

“I am rather, yes”. I admit.

“I’m certain things were said that were not meant”. He continues.

I shake my head. “Not by me”.

He doesn’t appear too pleased by my answer. Glancing off to the side, I watch as the Alpha joins his Luna and escorts her farther into the gardens. While I find the Alpha’s attentiveness to his wife touching, I realize now I can’t rely on Kyle to show me the same consideration.

“I have something for you”. He says, bringing my attention back to him.

I watch as he reaches into his jacket and brings out a small leather box. He sets it on the table, then with two fingers pushes it toward me. “Open it”.

Doing so, I stare at the string of pearls.

“I couldn’t find a comb …”. He scoffs. “I don’t remember what the comb looked like, to be honest, but if you could draw it for me, perhaps I could have one made for you”.

I lift my gaze to his. “As I mentioned, they can’t be replaced”.

“Of course they can be. I realize they won’t be your mother’s …”. He starts.

“But that’s what made them special”. I point out.

He sighs in a way that tells me I am being difficult. “So these will be special because I gave them to you”.

I suppose he has a point, and yet the reason he is giving them to me sours any sentimentality that might have accompanied them. “It doesn’t matter, Kyle. Kai Tempest returned to me what you lost”.

His jaw tightens. “He did, did he ? And when were you going to mention that ?”

“When an opportunity presented itself as it just did”. I huff slightly.

His eyes squint. “When did he return them ?”

“Yesterday”. I say courtly.

“I spent all morning at a jeweler’s”. He complains.

I very much doubt he has spent all morning there. “I would have told you yesterday, but you weren’t receiving anyone when I went to your residence”.

He has the good graces to look abashed. “I was a bit under the weather”.

“I can well imagine”. Only I can’t, as I have never imbibed to that extent. An occasional glass of brandy … and the cognac with Kai … is all I can claim to consume of alcohol.

Earnestly he leans forward. “Did you say anything to my parents ?”

“No”. A measure of loyalty to him has caused me to hold my tongue, but I had also not wanted to explain doing something of which they would heartily disapprove. “However, in exchange for my silence, I expect you to take me with you the next time you go gambling”.

He sits back. “Don’t be ridiculous”.

“I don’t think I am. The other night I saw a side of you I have never known before, that I didn’t even know existed. I need to understand what I observed, Kyle”. I tell him.

He shakes his head. “There is nothing to understand. I enjoy gambling. Granted, I usually have better luck, but that’s not something one can control … which is what makes it so thrilling”.

“You’re going to continue with it after we’re married ?” I ask.

“Naturally”. He looks confused I would ask.

I steal myself. “Then I need to experience it with you so I can comprehend all it truly means”.

“It has nothing to do with you”. Another huff.

“When you lose my valuables, it has everything to do with me”. Balling my hands into fists, I plant them on the table and lean forward. “Do you not understand how much it frightened me to see you as you were the other night ? You were a man I did not know, did not recognize”.

He looks slightly confused again. “What does it matter what sort of man I am at the gambling table when I behave as you expect at the dinner table ?”

“Because how am I to know when that vile creature from the other night will suddenly make an appearance in my parlor … or worse, in my bed”. I push out the words.

“Vile ?” He asks.

I swallow hard, striving to stop the sudden pounding of my heart. “It was awful. I fear I’m on the verge of marrying a man I truly do not know, that what I know of you doesn’t go below the surface. That I do not know your true depths. That’s the reason I want to go with you, to see if the other night was an aberration or merely another side of the man I might marry”.

“Might marry ? In the carriage you mentioned not marrying me, but I assumed you were being overly dramatic”. Now he looks nervous.

I glance down at my hands. My knuckles have turned white. “I must admit to having doubts regarding our suitability as a husband and wife”.

“You’re making much ado about nothing. We get along quite well”. His face is slowly turning red.

Lifting my gaze to his, I hate all the doubts swirling through me. “Ah, yes. We are quite compatible when dining”.

He scoffs. “Anna …”.

“I’m not striving to be difficult, Kyle, but I fear we’ve fallen into a trap of doing what is expected of us rather than being prompted by any sort of desire”. I explain.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he leans back. “We’ve announced our betrothal. You can’t back off”.

Where are the words of love, of want, of need ? Why is he not leaning earnestly across the table, taking my hand and declaring he cannot live without me ? “Making an announcement is hardly a reason to go through with something we’ve begun to doubt”.

“I don’t doubt it”. He points out.

“Why ? Why do you want to marry me ?” I ask him.

“My God, Anna. I’ve known you forever …”.

I cut him off. “Is that reason to marry ? I need to get to know you better. That’s all I’m asking. To go out with you tonight”.

“I don’t understand your obsession with intruding upon this portion of my life”. He sighs.

I stare at him. “Intruding upon ? I’m asking to share it”.

“But it doesn’t involve you. A man needs time that is his and his alone”. He looks like he actually thinks I'm weird one.

“Then I shall grant you all the time you require. Consider our betrothal on hiatus”. Shoving back my chair, I rise.

He comes to his feet. “You don’t mean that”.

“Indeed I do. I cannot … will not … exchange vows with a man who has a life of which he wishes me to take no part and considers me an intrusion”. I say in a detached tone.

“You’re being unreasonable”. He complains.

In silence I hold his gaze, watching as frustration washes over his features.

“Don’t say anything about this to my parents as you’ll merely upset them when there is no need, because this decision of yours will not stand. Send me a word when you’ve regained your senses”. He storms away toward the farthest reaches of the gardens where his parents are studying the carnations. He no doubt doesn’t want them questioning his leaving without having a word with them.

I may have just had the shortest betrothal in history, but I can’t help feeling that my senses have not deserted me. In fact, they are more alert than ever.