Chapter 3 - What’s Left of Us
1100 Words
I woke up choking on my own breath.
I had tangled the sheets around my legs, drenched in sweat, my chest heaved even though I hadn’t been running.
In my nightmare, Aiden was with her again.
This time he wasn’t whispering poetry or holding her hand like soulmates. This nightmare was ugly, the same hands were on her bare hips as he worshiped her with words and she smiled at him like he was her whole world.
It wasn’t the kind of s*x you ever wanted your partner having with someone else. The way he whispered her name.
I was stuck, I could only stand there watching as my wolf howled inside me, not out of anger but out of grief.
“Let it go,” Kira, my wolf murmured from inside me. She was weak but still sharp tongued.
I sat up, pressing my palms against my face, my eyes squeezed shut. “I’m tired.”
“Then stop crawling back into the fire.”
I couldn’t hide from Kira, she heard my thoughts and saw my dreams.
The sky outside was still dark, the sun hadn’t even risen yet but my body trained into routine couldn’t sleep past this time. I slipped out of bed and moved to the kitchen, it was time to prepare breakfast like I always did.
It was second nature now, to get the pan, eggs, bread, and tea. It was easier not to think about anything when I was so busy.
“You’re making breakfast for a man who can’t even touch you, Mara.”
I ignored Kira even though she was right.
I glanced toward the hallway, the door to the guest room was closed.
He just needed time, maybe space and he’d come around. He had to, he couldn’t stay away from his chosen mate for too long.
I thought of my father.
What would he think of his only child?
My father was gentle, dignified, a beta who never raised his voice but still commanded the room. He told me I was strong and smart as he braided my hair for school. He was everything to me and more.
He said I had my mother’s fire and his steadiness… but I failed to see that now.
Maybe if he were alive, my life would have been different.
He had taught me about being a scholar and a warrior, I had followed strongly in his footsteps…until I didn't.
He had been alive when I finished my trials as a beta in training and had looked so proud as he told me I’d make a better soldier than he ever was.
“A beta’s job is to hold the line even when everyone else is losing their grip.” He used to say.
He died on the battlefield, defending our pack’s northern border from a rogue ambush. It was a clean and honorable death. I held on to his memory and legacy and tried to fill his shoes.
After he was gone, I met Aiden.
We were young, he made me laugh when I thought there was nothing to laugh for anymore and he held my hand when I felt alone.
“Listen babe, we don’t need to be fated mates to be in love with each other. You’re a beta, I’m a beta and we’ve found each other, what better match is there? Even the moon goddess can’t exactly tell how much we love each other plus people die all the time, are you saying their fated mates can’t love fully.
Our mate bond would be stronger and more powerful than any mate bond assigned by the Moon Goddess, that’s because I choose you and you choose me.” He had rambled that day as we held hands at dinner.
I believed him.
Now I wasn’t a warrior, wasn’t even a recognized beta anymore. Not after his debts had pushed me to pick up extra work after patrol shifts then cleaning houses and then delivering packages. The work made me sloppy and tired, so tired that I had almost botched an urgent mission.
An investigation commenced into my personal activities, I was given a quiet dismissal, with my honor intact and my records sealed. That was the end of my father’s dream for me.
Now, I was just Aiden’s wife.
I turned off the burner and plated the eggs and toast, I put an apple and the tea with just the right amount of honey.
I sat across the table from him as he ate. He had come out of the room stretching and he sat down without even a ‘good morning’.
After a few minutes, he cleared his throat. “I was thinking,” he said without looking up. “We should visit Lunette’s grave today, clean it up and keep fresh flowers.”
My hands froze around my mug.
He had never said that name before, I had only called her that when she was still safe in my womb… only that she wasn’t safe.
I stared at him. “You’ve never wanted to go before.”
“I know,” he said. “But maybe it’s time.”
My eyes closed as I sipped my coffee from my mug.
“She wasn’t even born, she didn’t even exist yet. You’re being too emotional and it will just turn you into a lunatic. I’m not going to go down that road with you, it’s best to just move on.” Those were his words, even though he was the reason I lost everything.
I worked four jobs the month I lost her, I only got two hours of sleep a night and the doctors told me the stress could kill the pup. I was told to rest or risk permanent damage to my womb.
I didn’t listen, I couldn’t afford to listen, we’d have drowned in debt.
She died inside me three weeks later. Quietly without ever breathing real air. My womb was permanently damaged and would carry no more pups.
Now suddenly, he wanted to go?
Kira stirred faintly. “He’s just trying to look good, not to make amends.”
Maybe so.
But some small part of me still wanted to believe he was trying, like I was. Maybe today, he would turn a new leaf. People did that.
I held onto that thought for dear life.
I nodded once.
“Okay, let’s go this afternoon then.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you there by two in the afternoon.”
“I’ll be there.” I said.
He smiled like he was doing me a favor.
- Writer
