A Quarter Life

No Guilt

They just barely touched. Did it make him a betrayer?

Mike still gazed upon the roads, the road were relaxing. He looked at her, she looked somewhat sad, somewhat disappointed at herself.

What did he want? He just wanted a lift, nothing else. She was a stranger to him, he was stranger to the world, that was all.

The barren field was over, left to nothingness alone. He looked at the sky, the light blue of evening was simply mesmerizing. The stars were somehow pretending, pretending to be together, like them, the him and the lady, pretending to be together in this journey. But they knew, the stars knew, they were alone in a million wide space.

The cigarettes became quite everlasting all of a sudden. He couldn’t understand why. Was it really everlasting? Or was it his fantasy? He didn’t know. He knew nothing for a while.

He looked at her. Her eyes, they had no longer any satisfaction, they were just a pair of brownish eyes, holding the pain closely, living the pain fully. He couldn’t understand why. Was love so much important to a woman? So much?

The eyes looked at him, again, 'I think it is now inappropriate of you to look at these.'

The voice was harsh, broken. He understood, 'I am sorry, sorry for every trouble I have given you. Actually I am pretty much in distress. My would-be wife is in hospital. You know, the virus. I was worried, quite sleepless last night. I am not in something like that you know. I just wanna say I am sorry if I hurt you. I really am.'

She said nothing, he didn’t know if he had done it the right way or not. But, he felt relieved, relieved from some unknown burden. He needed to cross these uncertain roads, as early as possible. The moments were becoming unbearable.

He could see some local shop, some bakery, but no mechanical shop. He was desperate, to go away. Was she desperate, to get rid of him?

He could see a shop, quite far away. Was he delighted? Yeah, quite. He was already in quite burdened to himself, the world. Why adding some more burdens to the world, to the people?

He said quietly, 'Ma'am, I think I could see a mechanical shop way ahead. It would be the kindest of you if you would drop me there, please.'

She said nothing. He didn’t know whether she was gonna drop him or not. He had to wait, he was born, to wait for everything.

The car stopped at the shop. He got out. He untied his car from her car.

The mechanic came along, 'Hello sir, how can I help you?'

He sighed, 'The fuel duct is broken. Can you fix it?'

The mechanic assured, 'Right away, sir.'

He went to her car.

He came near the window, 'Ma'am, I cannot say how grateful I am for your help. I cannot express my gratitude. And I am extremely sorry for my behavior. Take care. I hope someday I will somehow repay the debt.'

He started walking away. She utters from behind, 'Michael.'

He looked behind. She was crying, somehow, 'I am sorry, I didn’t know about your wife. You were right, I am in pain, pain of being lonely. I needed someone, I was blindly desperate. Sorry to put you in such awkward situation.'

He laughed, 'Never mind, here's my card, call me anytime if you need something.'

She asked, 'If I say I need you? Can we be friends?'

He smiled, 'Okay, Betty. Goodbye.'

She was delighted. She said, while going, 'I think you'll make some time to have a cup of coffee in my house. I'll text you the address. And please, do come alone. I feel uncomfortable with women, which I'll with your wife around.'

She drove away. He kept looking the roads.

Was he worth the journey? Was he worth the respect, the love he was getting from her? Why did she love her? Or maybe it was all just in his head. There was nobody called Bethanica whatsoever. He didn’t get any lift. Nothing happened.

“We were prepared. Well, maybe. I hadn’t been in a front line ever before.

They were talking about the Germans. Yeah, I hated Hitler. But I had a wish, to see him, in person. How could a man be so calculative in cruelty?

We were given the shotguns and rifles. The army equipment were so much weird, I was looking like a retarded big sized ant, maybe.

Reeve wasn’t with me, he was in the distant war team.

Maybe he enjoyed the vibe, the environment. Maybe, who knows? But I surely wasn't enjoying that.

The Germans were close. They were staying far, quite out of range. But they didn’t start the attack.

I was wondering about that. Why didn’t they strike the first blow?

We got a call on the mic, 'Every soldiers are asked to come onto the ground, immediately. I repeat, immediately. Order of the Lieutenant.'

We went to the ground, Lieutenant was there.

'Okay, soldiers, we are in the verge of a clash. The clash, the front line attack can be implemented anytime. So, I want you all, to be very precise with your training. You can communicate with anyone, anytime with radios given to you. Just remember one thing, your own life is a gem to the country. But if you put the country at risk to save yourself, the first bullet you will be hit will be from my barrel. March, and stay on your position.'

We went back to the barriers. The sun was down to mid day. Still there wasn't any movement from them.

I communicated with the main watchtower. They were somewhat, like us, ready to defend. But why were they in defensive move?

It was nearly lunchtime. I was literally frustrated, exhausted.

I went to visit Lieutenant. We, me and Reeve, were very close to Lieutenant. He knew us mainly, for the breaching defend. He praised us.

I went to him, 'Lieutenant, Charles reporting here.'

He said, 'At ease, soldier. What's the report.'

I uttered, 'Still on hold, sir. They haven’t implemented any attack yet.'

He sighed, 'Pathetic. They are making it hard and complicated. It’s still unpredictable.'

I nodded. He looked quite confused.

He said, 'But we can't loose ends. So, we will be alert, and be defensive.'

I said, 'Sir, my apology, but shouldn’t we take our chances? It could be some of their strategies to uphold us. Maybe we could strike the first blow.'

He was silent for some seconds, I could see the tension within his forehead.

He sighed, 'You know, Charles, I have seen many wars. No, don’t take it as a lecture. I was also very straightforward, hot blooded raging bull when I was of your age. Then I saw the first world war. The cruelty, the terror, I couldn’t bear it. I was isolated, by myself, totally a year from locality. I would be scared, be suicidal when I would see human. I coped up with my fears eventually, but I couldn’t surpass my guilt. I thought I was the reason for my inmate's deaths. I knew it wasn’t true, but still I couldn’t help it. The wars told me many things. I particularly follow one. Now I tell you that. If you carry a gun, be sure to be ready to pull the trigger, but never be certain of which end the barrels will be.'

I didn’t get that. But I git the whole summary. He couldn’t risk any inmates anymore.

I went down. I told an inmate to cover my side, and went down to lunch.

The lunch here was quite good. Some medium soft rice, some vegetables, a small steak, maybe. The steak, most of the time, looked undercooked. But I would eat it anyway.

I sat down to eat. I had to finish early, attacks could be implemented anytime.

Suddenly I heard some chattering in the radio. I picked it up, to hear it more clearly. It was Reeve.

He just said, 'Lieute, I am so f*****g sorry, I meant it.'

Suddenly the connection was cut. And an unexpected happened.

We saw one of the three fighter planes in this base fly away, into the clouds, suddenly. Rest two planes were there.

Lieutenant tried to reconnect the connection. It maybe reconnected for a while, but eventually, went out of range.

I couldn’t believe it. Reeve, fled away.”