A Quarter Life

War & No Peace

Mike got a call.

He was pretty much indulged in the book, he noticed the phone quite after. He saw, he was sweating. It sure was pretty hot morning.

There was an unknown number.

He received the call.

- Hello

- Hello, Mr. Ronald?

- Yes, who's that?

- It’s me, Ms. Hoffman's doctor. She has regained consciousness. You should come immediately.

He immediately threw the book aside and left the car. He couldn’t think of anything else. Jenny had waken up, that was all. That was all he wanted.

He came in front of the waiting room. The doctor was there. He said, 'Okay, you can visit her, but you have to visit her from another room. There will be a glass wall between you, with holes above. As the virus is easily infectious, we can't let you meet normally.'

Mike didn’t care, he just needed a glimpse of her, that would be a lifetime wish for him.

He was taken to a room, an empty room. That was when he saw her. She was lying on the bed. He could see the pain, the loneliness in her eyes.

The doctors left them alone. She didn’t see him. She didn’t know he was there. She was just lying and was crying, crying silently. He saw her tears rolling down her cheek. He couldn’t bear that. He wanted to talk to her, talk to his full breath. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t find words.

He saw her, lying there with pain, with agony, just all because of him.

Suddenly she moved her head, and saw him. She said in a weak voice, 'Mike?'

He turned around from her, wiped his tears. He couldn’t show it to her, to himself.

He said, 'Janet, how are you feeling?'

He said the words, hiding the tears.

She grinned, 'Better than before. Are you okay? I was worried.'

He couldn’t say anything. This girl, who was infected to a deadly virus, was thinking and worrying about him, all the time. And he? Nothing?

He remained silent.

She asked, 'So, did you find anything in the book?'

He remained silent, again. He was speechless.

He sighed, 'Janet, I am sorry.'

She said nothing.

He continued, 'I know it was very stubbornness of me to force you to work with me. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. You were happy with your bar job, and I ruined it. I....I can't....O gosh, I don’t have to courage to say anything. Please, forgive me if you can. Please, forgive me.'

Tears came down his eyes, her eyes too. They were crying, silently.

She said, 'Mike. It’s okay.'

He knew it wasn’t okay.

He put his hands on the glass wall. Why couldn’t he reach to her? Why was there so much hesitations, obstacles? Why couldn’t he tell her anything, anything he wishes?

He looked into her eyes, and said, 'Jenny.'

She wasn’t ready for the name.

He continued, 'I love you, I loved you since I met you, and I will love you, forever.'

She was delighted, 'You know, Mike, I was craving to hear that, I was craving. But you told me that at a very odd time of my life. What should I say?'

Mike said quietly, 'Say nothing. Just get well soon, sooner than anything else. I will meet you in person then. I will talk to you, and I have a wish to marry you. Don’t say anything. Just get well soon, alright?'

He could see the shock and delight in her face. It meant more than anything to him.

He went out of the room. He was crying, silently. He searched his pockets, and found a piece of paper saying:

'You kept your bloody secrets,

But I gave you all of mine,

You never thought I am yours,

I was fool, thinking you were mine.'

He wrote it, a long time ago. Why did he write? He didn’t remember.

He tore the paper, to hundred pieces. He threw them from the window.

He came back to the car, distressed.

His life had no direction, and why there should be any? He was obsessed with another life.

“It was time for roast, booze and gossip. Then it came down to sharing lid stories. It was fun, we all were drunk. We would spit anything that could come in our mouth.

We were sitting in a big circle, around the fire. Reeve was there, Sergeant was there, the puff guy, whose actual name was Ruth, he was there, I was there.

We all had beer in our hands, the roast was on the fire for warming.

Reeve started, 'So, yeah, let's share our life. If not whole life, just a tiny part, would be interesting.'

Saying this, he turned to Sergeant, 'Aye good old Serge, let's start with you then.'

Sergeant was normally quite rude, but that day, he was like a happy old grandpa, sunken in booze.

Sergeant sighed, 'So, let's start with my story. I was born in a village. The village doesn’t even exist anymore.'

Reeve frowned, me too.

He continued, 'My father died two months before my birth. I couldn’t see his face. But, maybe he looked like you, Ruth.'

Everybody laughed. Ruth? The loudest.

He kept saying, 'We were very poor, and without my father, we became nearly homeless. So, I had to work, from my childhood, you know. And boy, I was good at it. All the villagers, even some farmers from other villages in San Francisco knew me. I was a guy, born to make a farm.'

Reeved laughed, 'No wonder you got the biceps, fella.'

We laughed, Sergeant was very happy.

He said, 'Yeah, these. I got these balls from the farm. I could do anything, like anything in the farm. I earned some money, and lived happily in our new home.'

I asked, 'So, why doesn’t the village exist anymore?'

He slowed his laughter, 'You know, the dawn never came without the dusk. The first world war broke out. There was soldiers everywhere. We tried to protect our homes. I went to US army for pleading, they took me for training. I was trained to do what I never wanted to do, killings. Instead of life nourishing farmer, I became an enemy hunting soldier.'

Everyone was silent, for a long time.

He continued, 'After the world war ended, I survived. I went to my village. There was no village. The village was debris. Dead bodies everywhere, the cries, the bloods, I couldn't bear it. I ran to my home. There was no home. I saw a destroyed area, and a old bombshell there. I knew I lost everything.'

No one could say anything.

He chugged some beers, 'War, it’s not an idea, it’s not revenge, it’s a gamble. It’s a chess game, between some nations. The poor, the civilians, the soldiers, they are the pawns.'

Everyone felt that.

He wiped his tears, 'But you know, I never regret being a military. It’s peaceful to die for a reason rather than die like animals.'

Reeve laughed, 'I told ya, there's no Serge Cohen in enemy side.'

We all laughed.

I said, 'So, Ruth, tell us your story.'

Ruth tore a piece from the roast, 'Why not?'

We all sat to listen.

He started, 'I was kind of born in richness. My father is a businessman, quite a wealthy one. My mother, she doesn’t work. Her only work is to spend my father's earning.'

Reeve said, 'Well, women are dangerous, boy.'

He laughed, 'Well, you can say that again. So, I was molded in wealth. But I didn’t like this life. When I git in college, I started living alone. They sent me money every month. I kept all their money under my bed. I worked as a waiter in Steak 'n Shake, beside my studies. I lived on my earned money. But they didn’t know that.'

I asked, 'What would they do if they knew?'

He laughed, 'Well, in the mean time, the world war started. I came home, told them I was joining army. They got scared. They said it was risky. But I was determined. Then they became angry. They said to give back all the money they sent, after that I could do whatever I wanted. They thought I spent the money. But guess what? I gave back all of them.'

I asked, 'Well, you didn’t spend any money? I mean, not a single penny?'

He laughed, 'You know, the greed doesn’t come from your mouth. It comes from your mind. Fill your mind with knowledge, there will be no space for greed.'

The words were true. Greed couldn't overpower knowledge, unless you enslave knowledge.”