Truly... (bxb)

Truly... I Deserve Better

The next day, I didn't go to class.

I couldn't, really. And, my phone was still on airplane mode.

I didn't sleep much, so, I was drowsy and just irritated with everything.

Charles probably called, or tried to. But he wouldn't be able to reach me. If he'd appeared at my doorstep, he still wouldn't be able to reach me because I couldn't even bring myself to stand up to do anything.

"Good morning world", I whispered as I was finally able to get down from my bed.

My steps were unsteady as I made my way to the bathroom. I was officially not in full control of my body now.

I badly wanted to blame Charles… I wanted to blame him for how I was feeling but I really couldn't. Funny enough, I wasn't angry at him. No, I was just… shocked?

I looked myself in the mirror a few minutes later after taking my bath. I'd never done that before… just looking at myself. Maybe I was trying to find something, a reason why Charles could possibly like me, why I wasn't angry at him and why I never thought someone could like me.

No one's ever confessed to liking me.

And certainly not a guy. I've always been the one to like people and they just make my life uncomfortable right after confessing. I'd only ever confessed to girls yes, and even had dreams of some girl who rejected me come back to apologize and s**t like that. Dreams were dumb sometimes.

"I should call him, or text him", I said to myself, drying my hair with a towel.

And tell him to explain himself. This time, to my face.

I was either bi or gay, or just an understanding guy, because my lack of panic at the fact that a man liked me was so… weird.

After glancing at my phone a few times in apprehension, I finally opened it and removed it from airplane mode.

Then the calls came in– not just from Charles though –frightening me a bit. Geez. I ignored them and sent Charles a text, after reading what he'd sent me yesterday night and this morning.

Charles: Please don't hate me for this.

Charles: I wasn't decieving you or anything. Please pick up my calls.

Charles: Okay, I'm panicking now. Is something wrong? Ike, please!

Charles: I'll wait to see if you'd pick later on.

Charles: I'll call you in the morning, since you don't want to talk to me right now.

Then this morning.

Charles: Do you want to talk? Are you still angry?

Charles: I just want to explain myself to you, Ike.

Charles: Do you still want to be friends or have I ruined everything?

Wow. He was full-on panicking.

So I texted.

Let's meet at Bolu's specials. By 12 pm at least. We need to talk. Face-to-face.

I sent the message and then went back to try to sleep. I still had a few hours left anyway. It was the only way I wouldn't be looking like a zombie when we meet.

Bolu's specials was a good place to meet. Food, serenity and complete order. And nobody looking to know who you are and why you're sitting with a fellow guy or whatever. It'll be my treat this time. I wanted to be able to be in control of the situation in someway at least.

*****

I couldn't sleep much, so, I just came earlier than necessary. I was hungry too, so I ordered some toast and eggs and bacon, with my favourite tea that contained mostly milk and sugar. So beautiful.

"This is going to cost me", I said as I ate.

But it was a sacrifice I had to make for my stomach. My brother sent me money after our outing the other day so I knew I could afford it. Hopefully Charles wouldn't be heartless enough to choose something too expensive to eat. Not everyone budgets high like him.

People weren't much now, which was a surprise. But I guess it's not everytime a place will be filled with people. Maybe at night it'll be different. It was good for me though, I wasn't a fan of noise, and more people meant noise which equals discomfort.

"Hi".

I paused my eating as I looked up at a familiar face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. That sounded rude, if you think about it.

But no one in class was everly nice to me and only tolerated me because of Charles. Oh, and they did their best to be annoying and just–

"What did you do to Charles? He didn't look happy today".

Oh, yes, here was a 'concerned' classmate. One of the rich and annoying persons Charles used to hang out with– maybe still used to hang out with– who in turn made it his mission to always ruin my day. Hassan.

"I don't know what you mean", I replied the curious and haughty giant of a guy.

"Aren't you his 'friend'?" He snarked. "Though I'm not sure about your position since your job is to collect money from him, right?"

If I could fight, maybe I'd throw a punch. But that might get me in trouble. Best to just ignore the jibe.

I didn't know what he wanted, but I'd appreciate if he just left me alone. I had enough troubles to deal with and I didn't need him to be added. I just need peace of mind, man.

"If you have nothing else to say, please leave my table", I said, seeing he wasn't making a move to leave. "I have better things to do".

That obviously ticked him off, because he leaned forward, frowning deeply.

"I know you did something, you little– "

"Back off, H".

I felt myself relax as I heard his voice.

"Charles", Hassan said, trying to give him a bro-hug.

Charles looked… good, as usual. But he looked like he was about to beat someone up and I hoped that person wasn't me.

No, it definitely wasn't me.

His eyes narrowed at Hassan who took a few steps backwards when he saw the unfriendliness he was conveying.

"I don't appreciate you harassing Ike, so, I'd like you to scram", he said in a final tone.

He took out the chair in front of me and sat down, totally ignoring the other guy like he wasn't still standing closeby.

He eventually left though, after giving me a deadly glare. A 'you took my friend from me' glare, I was sure.

Ever since I came to this school, quite a lot of people have accused me of stealing Charles’ attention from them. While I found it all amusing, I hoped it wouldn't ever turn into something that'll make me want to run for my life.

"You came early", was the first thing I said when I realized that Charles wasn't going to break the awkward silence at our table.

The guy was just sitting there, staring at me. He wasn't angry anymore, which was good, but his expression dropped, which wasn't good. It felt like he was about to cry in front of me anytime from now.

"I did".

His voice was small. It made me uncomfortable and sad. What did he think I was thinking? What did he think I was going to do? We hadn't even started a proper conversation and yet he sounded so dejected. It made me sad.

"Did you go to class?"

Obviously he did, if Hassan's harassment was anything to go by.

"Yeah", he mumbled. "I even copied some notes, if you'd like to get it later".

"I'd like that, thank you".

Charles never copied notes.

"Do you not want to be friends anymore?" he asked after a beat of silence. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault.”

I stared. "I never said– why would you say something like that? Where did you get that idea from?"

He shrugged, not looking at me. "Well, you didn't pick up my calls or anything. I just assumed that you were too disgusted or mad– "

I sighed. He was right. "I was just shocked, Charles. You can't blame me for my reaction. And if I were disgusted, I would be miles away from you, wouldn't have texted you at all in the first place either".

He nodded after digesting the words. "I guess you're right".

Trying to diffuse the awkwardness, I asked, "You're not hungry? Anything you order's on me".

A corner of his lips lifted. "While I'd like to spend your money, I'd also like to talk and get this over with. No offence".

I understood him wholeheartedly. I was nervous myself, but the conversation had to be had, for everyone to have peace at least.

"You can start with the questions", he said.

I nodded.

"So", I started. "When did you start liking me? I mean, we haven't even known each other for up to two months and yet you… you know".

Like, he'd basically bumped into me one day and ended up not leaving me alone till this moment. Remembering how annoyed I was at that point, it shocked me that he was still in my life. I'm good at chasing people from my life.

"From the first day we met", he said simply. "You were handsome, adorable with how you were trying to get everyone to leave you alone and so I figured I could try being your friend at least".

Adorable. I'd never, ever been called that by anyone in my life. Even my mom who was fond of calling me the silliest of names never called me adorable.

It felt weird… but not unpleasant.

"Okay. What about the unending amount of money you kept giving me?"

He averted his eyes. "That's the only way I've ever showed anyone that I liked them. Well, that's the only way they could understand". He paused. "Also, you had money problems, and I knew that from how you were always complaining to yourself so…"

I complained to myself?! Jesus, how embarrassing.

I let out a breath, nodding.

"I guess it's not such a bad thing. Though, I don't think that's a smart way to tell someone you like them. If I didn't have much of a heart, I'd have just continued to take your money, you know. I'm a gold digger, but with a conscience", I told him.

He chuckled at the last part, making me smile.

I made him smile, what an achievement today.

"So, is that why you were never bothered by the gay rumours? Because you liked me?" I asked.

He didn't deny it. "Yeah. It wasn't a good thing though, you were uncomfortable with everything and I was just enjoying it all. I apologize. I thought it'd maybe give you the idea to like me back somehow".

I blinked. Wow.

"Give me the idea', but I'm not…" I looked around the almost empty room,"... gay".

He offered a small smile. "Anything's possible".

"Are you?" I continued, remembering didn't really ask him that. "Are you gay? Like fully, or…"

Bi.

That was possible.

I'd heard that he dated girls… a lot of girls to be precise. Of different ages and nationalities too.

"No", he answered after some silence. "I think… I just like who I like".

I hummed. That was valid.

"I don't think I'm fully hetero sha", I finally said after a thought. Maybe not to make him feel more uncomfortable.

I couldn't help but laugh as Charles gawped.

I continued. "I think you're cute, am pleasantly surprised you like me and I've always failed to get into a proper relationship with any girl. Maybe it's fate or something".

I took a sip of my water.

"If I were to accept you liking me", I said, seeing that Charles wasn't ready to talk, "what would be your selling point? What would you say to convince me?"

He looked me in the eye now. "I'd take care of you. I have money and power, lots of those. I have a lot of love to give though, just so you know, you'll just have to give me a chance to see it for yourself. But if you're not interested, I can still accept being your friend".

"What about protection?" I asked, not believing that I was actually considering this. "You know homophobia is real right?"

He shrugged. "Money. Power".

I nodded. Money and power does make the world go round. "What about your family?"

He smiled gently. "Nobody cares about stuffs like that, as long as there are ways to get kids… if we ever reach that point, I mean".

He spoke as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And I couldn't help but accept his words.

Then I rubbed my face.

Damn, I really was considering this.

And why? My life would be a living hell if I accepted him. My immediate family might accept me, but I knew how everyone else already despised me…

But…

"I'll give it a shot", I said, smiling.

I was given an offer no one had ever given me. Excuse me for wanting better, even if I was going to go through a lot. At least he liked me, couldn't say the same for everyone I've ever liked or done stupid shot for.

"Are you… are you serious?" He asked, eyes unblinking.

"I want to see what you have to offer", I said. "I'm not going to come out just like that though, until you prove yourself though".

I wasn't sure if I was scared of the public reaction… No, even while thinking about my family's possible reaction, I didn't panic.

I mostly found public opinion annoying, but that was it.

Was I trying to use him for money?

Hm…

I met his gaze, realizing he hadn't said anything yet. “Well?"

Then, for the first time since he'd come into the building, he had a full-blown smile on his face.

“Okay", he whispered happily.

I nodded. "Okay. I'm going to order now".

I think I felt my heart skip a bit or two at his smile.

Hmm.