Blackout

Chapter 4

Miami

Max

Present

“Bullshit,” he said at once, making me laugh under my breath.

In the past whenever I opened up and explained my motives to abstain from s*x I would always get the same reaction from people. No way. Nonsense. Are you kidding me? His reaction didn't take me by surprise. What shocked me was the fact he was still there, staring at me with a grave look and not in puzzlement, as if I was an odd ball that he couldn’t understand. Feeling a little self conscious I widened the collar of the hoodie, focusing on my food now that the worst part of the conversation was over.

He started eating too. Another surprise. I would have thought he would be long gone by then. We ate in amicable silence for a while. His eyes inspected my every move, studying every little thing. I looked back at him with a frown but the man didn’t back up, he used the opportunity to lift an eyebrow at me.

“Are you a virgin?” The question made me blush harder than what I would have liked. The answer was clear as daylight and he could tell. Yes, I was a twenty six virgin and there was no way I was admitting that out loud.  His eyes seemed to realize my silent admission and with a low curse he put his fork down, now openly staring at me, “How old are you?”

“Old enough,” I answered, now irritated. 

“Why?” he asked instead of pushing again for my age, “ You could have whichever guy you want. Why wait until marriage?”

“Why not?”

“You are wasting your youth chasing a dream,” he grunted at me and I clicked my tongue against my teeth.

“My youth? What are you, over fifty or something?” I asked with a smirk but I knew he was still young, probably only a couple of years older than me. He ignored my question, folding his muscular arms over his chest.

“You will be waiting for a long time, woman,” he said, staring at me with a frown. As if I didn’t know that already. I rolled my eyes at him.

“I don’t mind.”

“You will.”

“What can I say? I believe in the institution of marriage,” I said, smiling a bit, “I was raised in a catholic environment and I promised someone dear to me that I would wait to have s*x until marriage. Excuse me for not being your average one night stand and not giving you what you clearly need from me. You can’t always get what you want and all that jazz. No offense.”

“None taken,” he shrugged, “I can get what I want whenever I want, wherever I go. Except for you. I’ve been thoroughly surprised by you. Never imagined you were like this.”

“Like what?” I asked, while chewing a large piece of meat and then swallowing it down with more water, “And just so you know, I was being sarcastic before. I really don’t care if you  get laid or not.”

He ignored the jab,  going back to his food and eating with gusto, “ You are innocent. Untouched. Virginal. I don’t even remember when was the last time I said those words. The worst part of it all is that I know you are not lying to me.”

“Why would I?” I had nothing to lose. I would probably never see him again after tonight. Lying to him or not didn’t serve any purpose to this entire night. We were strangers having dinner. Nothing else and nothing more. 

“Exactly,” he affirmed, c*****g an eyebrow up, “have you had boyfriends before?”

“Only one during college and we only dated for a couple of months. He lost interest after a while and I couldn’t blame him since we hardly even kissed. We were definitely not headed to the altar,” I sighed, finishing my plate and eyeing his pulpeta hungrily. In silence the man pushed the plate closer to me and I smiled at him, sharing the plate. It was insane to be sharing food with this complete stranger, talking about my lack of s*x and my one sad ex-boyfriend. Stranger things had happened to me during that day. I swallowed the meat down, staring at him under my eyelashes, “What about you? Are you only suited to have one night stands?”

“That’s all I can offer right now,” he said with a shrug and it made sense. I nodded while I tried to put myself in his shoes. He probably traveled a lot, doing God knows what kind of dangerous job. It wouldn’t be fair to tie any woman to his lifestyle. One night stands were different. Zero responsibility. Fast. An easy transaction. Exactly all I was against.We were completely polar opposites. Funny enough I sensed the same strange sense of familiarity I felt when  walking with him through the parking lot, as if I was safe by his side, as if I could be myself around him. Especially now that the constant s****l attraction between us had been placed on hold after my revelation.

There was one last piece of pulpeta on the plate and we both eyed it at the same time.

“I’m not sharing the last piece with you,” he grunted and I laughed.

“Now that s*x is off the table you are not a gentleman anymore, is that right?”

“I was never a gentleman to begin with,” he rebuked, pinching the last piece of pulpeta with his fork and eating it with a prideful smile. Once he swallowed it down he nodded, “That was damn delicious. I haven't had a meal this good in a while.”

“What would you usually eat?” I asked him, trying to gain some sort of idea of who the man in front of me was. He only shrugged.

“Whatever I hunt.”

“That’s quite obscure,” I said between laughs and he shrugged again. I cleared my throat, leveling him with an easy stare. There were no more reservations between us anymore. It felt easy to be around each other and I could tell, even without addressing the issue, that he felt the same towards me. I licked my lips, now smiling brightly, “I’ve never hunted my own food.”

“Hopefully you will never have to.”

“Isn't it easy?”

He stayed quiet, smiling back at me, “Let’s never get you in that position.”

“Do you do this often?” I asked him out of the blue and the man titled his head to one side, regarding me with a quizzical glance. I sighed, scratching the back of my neck and feeling a little nervous now that the food was over and our meeting was coming to an end. Why exactly was I nervous? It wasn’t as if I didn’t know I would never see him again. This was the extent of our encounter and that was fine. We were not meant to be. I moved a finger in a circle between us signaling my last question, “Talk with the women you bed.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not your case.”

“Be serious,” I smiled and he smirked at me.

“No, I don’t talk much. Specially not with women I want to fuck.”

“Do you still want to f**k me even if you know you don’t stand a chance?” I wasn’t sure why I was asking him that question. It wasn’t as if anything would change between us. The man moved closer to the table, his eyes now greener under the fluorescent lights hanging from the roof.

“I haven’t stopped wanting you,” he admitted and I nodded, smiling a bit.

“Even then, we can be friends, don’t you think?”

“Woman, there’s no way I will ever be your friend,” he said fast, making me smile even bigger. There was something reassuring about the fact he was so direct and honest. This man held no qualms about telling me how he wanted me and his honesty, as disarming as it was, was also very refreshing. When those serious eyes stared at me I felt my toes curl under the table. He held my eyes and then kept on talking, “ I want you badly. You have no idea how bad. Knowing that you are a virgin only makes it more enticing and I don’t f**k virgins.”

“Now I’m flattered,” I said, batting my eyelashes at him.

He smiled at that. The truest, most gorgeous smile a man had ever given me.

“You damn tease.”

He tensed then, his smile disappearing. The man took his phone out of his pocket and accepted a phone call. He checked his military watch once and then finished the call without saying anything. Silently he took his wallet out of his pocket and dropped some bills on the table. This was it. Whatever happened between us was officially over. I wasn’t sure why I was feeling sad about this. It took all of my strength to look up and stare at him when he got on his feet, towering over me.

“I can’t take you back home,” he said curtly, unapologetically. I nodded because that was fine by me. I wasn’t used to letting strangers drive me home, it felt too personal, too private. In silence I offered him my hand and he eyed it a second before accepting it. We shook hands for a long moment, our eyes eating each other up. At the end he dropped my hand, taking one step back, never looking away from my eyes, “I would have made you come so damn good.”

God. My stomach tightened with a nervous need to do something, to say something and react in some way to those words he had thrown at me. At the end I nodded, accepting the fact this was it. Nothing would ever come out of this dinner that two strangers had shared in the hope of getting to know each other better. 

“I don’t doubt that,” I said to him and I really didn’t. Maybe in twenty years from now I would look back to this moment and regret not accepting his offer to spend the night together, but this was my choice. This was the only way I had to protect myself from becoming a copy of my parents. I smiled, waving a hand to the stranger, “Take care.”

“Goodbye firecracker.”

He stared at me for a moment as if he wanted to devour me and damn it, I wanted to be devoured by him. Badly. Then he took another step back and turned around. Three seconds later and he was gone from my life.

The first pang of regret slammed against my heart the moment he disappeared from view. By then it was too late. I was sure, a hundred percent sure, that I would never see him again. The thought, far from relieving me, only managed to make me sadder than before.